I Can Never Forget
by Lionblaze and Jayfeather
Summary: Jessyka is Finnick's daughter. Since Katniss has failed to kill the Capitol, it's worse. The kids will have to be in this year Hunger Games. It'll be special. It'll be with all the kids of the ones that led the revolution. (AU)
1. Summary

**I Can Never Forget**

_I'm Finnick Odair's daughter. I've never forgot the story my mother used to tell me about him. I can never forget. Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen are fools. They've mistaken everyone. They lost the battle. And even if it's not the 100th annual Hunger Games, we're going to have some special year. I'll be in that arena, fighting against their children, both of them. The Capitol has decided that the child should pay. But I'm not going to die. I'll kill them first. _

* * *

**The rules of the 87th annual Hunger Games**

**-** There is no Reaping for the leaders's (of the revolution) kids. If there is no such kids, there is a Reaping to fill the missing places.

- The tributes of different Districts will not be allowed to see each other before the Games.

- The public can see every tributes, though, on the big screen.

- The only thing the tributes will know about their ennemies (other tributes) is going to be their final score (between 1 and 12) which will be revealed a few days before the Games.


	2. Chapter 1

_Hi! This is my first fanfiction about The Hunger Games and it's a story I've been thinking about since a while, so I really hope you will like it. See, Finnick is MY favorite character and I just couldn't let him die without doing anything (I know what I'm saying is useless and stupid:)) so here it is. _

* * *

**Chapter 1**

I remember the first time I learned I was damned. My mother was standing right next to me but she hadn't moved. But I did not panic. I was ready. I am ready. It has been now seventeen years that Katniss Everdeen, the mockingjay, has failed to kill the Capitol. She has failed to free us. She trapped us. She and her stupid revolution idea. If she had not had that idea, my father would still be alive and maybe my mom would not be so insane. This year is the 87th annual Hunger Games. Things have changed this year. The Capitol waited seventeen years, waiting for that moment. This year, I am going in the arena. This year, there is no Reaping. This year, the kids of the leaders of the revolution are going to die. Which means I am supposed to die too. But, I swear to God I will not die until Katniss and Peeta's daughter and son are both dead. I will kill them myself.

Why do I hate them so much? They've killed my father. I know they were not alive, but to me, it's the same thing. They need to pay for what they have done. I know the entire story. My mother could have been there too. Luckily she was not. I have never met my father. I've seen him on screens and I've heard people talking about how a great guy he was. But I don't care about what people have to say. What I need is to get revenge. I want revenge. I _need_ it. I know that Enobaria, Johanna and Beetee's kids will be there too. Of course, there will be other kids, but that's not the point. We are sent there to kill and be killed. It's like the final strike from the Capitol and there is nothing our parents can do to keep us away from that. Since they have tried to overthrow the Capitol, we have no freedom left. We are constantly watched and the slightest mistake – even if it's not that bad – is exposed to everyone. No more cheating for the adults, no more late nights out, no more sneak out at night. No more nothing. We can just live poorly – even more than they used to before – and every inch of freedom we could have had is gone.

"Jessyka," My mother's voice says, "Jessyka, come here."

I turn my head and stop looking through the window. There is nothing to look at anyway. Only the Peacekeepers. They are everywhere. "What is it, Mom?" I ask.

She sighs. She's lost her mind since her lover died. Some people said she had lost it way before and that he was the only one able to keep her sane. "Come over here. It's the Reaping today. You need to look pretty."

Of course I do. I'll be on every single screen of every district – even District 13. I need to look pretty, so maybe I'll get some sponsors and maybe I'll get out of there alive. It may sound weird, but I don't care if I die there. All I want is to take my revenge on both Katniss and Peeta's children. But I know I shouldn't say that. My mother needs me. I'm the only one she has. I can't leave her. I know this is hard for her. She's lost my dad, she can't lose me too. If she does, I think she may really go insane. I mean, more insane than she already is.

I get up and walk to her. I try to smile at her, but it's hard. I see the pain in her eyes, the little light that tells me she's still there, with me. "I got a pretty dress for you." she tells me as she shows me the dress.

It is pretty. It's green, sea-green – and I can't help but remember my father's eyes – and that's the only thing I can see. "Just like Finnick's eyes." she whispers.

She never calls him 'your father', she always says 'Finnick'. I never asked why and I know now is not the time to ask. I kiss her on the cheek and take the dress. "I'll go bathe. Maybe you can do my hair after." I propose.

She nods and then she looks away. Her eyes look wet. She's probably cried. She always does. I take off to the bathroom. I quickly take a bath and wash my hair and my body. My thoughts are somewhere else than the Games. I can't think of that even though I'm prepared. I've been helped quite a bit. I know how to manipulate a trident, just like my father knew. It makes me sad to think that if he had been there, he would have taught me himself. I dry my hair and my body and go back to the dining room – if we can call it like that. My mom is still sitting there, looking to something she's the only one to see. I dress up and then, she gets up. Her eyes are red, but there is no tears on her cheeks. She must have wipe them off. "Sit on the chair." she tells me.

I do as she says. She braids my hair, just like Glimmer had her hair braid in the 74th annual Hunger Games. How do I know that? I've seen these Games. The Capitol has shown every death in the Hunger Games. I'm not traumatized, I just can't wait to get this thing done with. "It is time," she says.

"I know," I answer slowly.

I get up and she looks at me in the eyes. For once, she seems sane to me. She kisses me on the cheek and hugs me like I would never come back – which could probably happen. "Be careful. Come back soon, please. Tell me you'll be back. I can't … I can't lose you."

I kiss her on the cheek too and hug her. "I will try my best, mom."

She pushes me away. I frown as I look at her running to her bedroom. She comes back with a trident and I know it's my father's. She hands it to me but I don't take it. "I can't go there with a weapon, mom." I tell her.

"I know," she says, "I'll make sure you get it."

She has no idea how much it means to me. I hug her once again and then, I'm gone. I have to go for the Reaping, even if I know I'll be called. My mother doesn't. The Peacekeepers have decided it was safer is she stayed home. She's a bit unstable and they don't want any sort of riot. No one would dare to anyway. I'm there, standing, waiting for my name to be called. I feel nervous, but it's not this bad. I've been prepared for this. I knew my name would be called, so there is no surprise. I look at all the girls. They could have been chosen. They could have gone there. They could have died. But they're all safe this year, because I am their victim.

We have a speech, it lasts longer than it used to be because the Capitol reminds us about the revolution and how it failed. Then, it is time. They haven't even bothered to take a bowl with all the names in there. "Jessyka Odair."

My name has been said. The girls manage to make me a way up to the stage. I walk slowly until then and get up. I look at the audience. The girls look relieved. If I could see my mother's face, I think I would die. Then, it's time for the boy. "Liam Kozak."

I watch the eighteen-year-old boy as he's all shaky. He gets up on the stage, next to me. His face is destroyed. It's his last year, he never would have expected to be chosen. But there he is. I look at him. He's handsome. But I don't care about him. I have never really talked to him, but I know him. We used to fish together – with ten other persons. I know he's strong. He could be real trouble for me. But I don't care. I'll kill the ones I want during the bloodbath and then, I'll be over. Simple as that. As quick as 'hello'. I don't want to win. I know I can't win. It would be useless to even try.

* * *

I hope you liked it. The next chapter is coming really soon. And, as you may have noticed, English isn't my first language so sometimes I have issues saying things I want to say. If something really bothers you, I'd like you to tell me so I can fix it. Thanks for reading me.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We barely have time to say goodbye to our family and we're taken away. I don't mind, but I know Liam does. I don't talk to him while we're getting to the Capitol. It's useless and I can't afford to care about him. We won't be star-crossed lovers. Never. The Capitol has changed the formula a bit. We go there in train as always to get to the training center. My room is huge and extremely luxury. There is a big window and I can see through it. But I look away. I'm not here to look through a big window. When we get called, I get on my feet. I haven't taken off the dress my mother gave me. I just can't. I walk through the dining room. The table is full with food. More than I have ever seen in my entire life. Saliva flows in my mouth, but I make a duty not to show it. I sit at the table. There is our mentor. Liam sits beside me. Our mentor could have been my mother. She's a Victor, so she could. But it's not her. We could have had Mags or Finnick, but they both are dead. Because of the girl on fire. Anger rises in me but I forget about it. I have to keep that for later. I eat and don't speak. I observe the mentor. It's a boy. He must be in his early twenty, or late teens, and he's really handsome. He's got a scar over his left eyebrow. It looks like a knife cut to me. I don't dare to ask, so I will never know. But he catches my look and smiles. "Knife cut." he confirms.

"I had figured." I reply.

His smile goes bigger. "So, you're here to help us win?" Liam interrupts.

"There is no us," I yell.

They both look at me like I've gone insane. Maybe I have. Liam frowns and our mentor has lost that funny smile he had. "I just …" Liam starts to explain, then he gives up, "Never mind."

"Keep calm, kiddo," our mentor tells me, "You're a team from now on."

He's got to be kidding me. "Are you out of your mind? I ain't teaming up with anyone. Specially not with the boy from my District."

It seems that Liam is annoyed by the fact that I've called him 'boy from my District' instead of 'Liam'. What so ever. Like I give a damn about him. "Why not?" Our mentor keeps asking, "You two would make a great team. You remind me of the girl on fire. When she..."

I almost scream. "I ain't like her! Don't you ever compare me to her! She's a loser. She failed her mission and I will not fail mine! I ain't like her! How can you even say that?"

Now they really think I've gone insane. "Keep calm, I said," he repeats, "I was just saying."

"Don't say anything to me. I'll work it out without you."

He looks amused. Liam has watched the whole scene, confused. "You can't win without me, sweetheart."

"Don't call me like that," I tell him, "You make me sick."

He laughs. Jeez, I'm going to kill him too, even if he's not a tribute, even if he's a Victor, even if he has more experience than I have. He's getting on my nerves. "Anyway, I think you should listen to me. After all, I've won, you haven't and you certainly won't with that attitude." he goes on.

I've stopped eating. I'm too angry for that. Even though the food is delicious, I can't eat anything else. It makes me sick. It makes me sick to think that my father has come here twice, has eaten that food, has won once and has come out alive twice, all because of the Capitol. If my father wasn't dead, maybe I would have agreed with overthrowing the Capitol. But he is dead and I can't agree with that. The thing is that I don't really care. I will not be there to see where and how it ends. And it's perfect that way. "District 4 will not have star-crossed lovers," I grunt.

Our mentor looks at me. He hasn't even told us his name. His smile is still there and I just want to jump on him and make him swallow that damn smile. He shrugs. "I have never talked about star-crossed lovers. I said you should work as a team for now."

"For now," Liam agrees.

I look at him with fire in my eyes. If a look could kill, he'd be dead. "I said I wasn't teaming up with anyone. I have no chance of winning. He does. You'll be better off without me," I tell Liam.

He frowns. "It's your choice, sweetheart – I hate it when he calls me like that – but you should sleep on it. Having an ally isn't a bad thing," our mentor says.

I turn and look at him straight in the eyes. "Who the heck are you, by the way? You haven't even told us your name."

Now he's laughing. Great. "Everyone knows me, kiddo. Haven't you got out of your house? Oh, let me guess. You've been too busy taking good care of your sick mama to look around you. I understand."

His tone makes me want to kill him. I get suddenly up and it's like I don't control myself anymore. "Don't you dare insult my mother like that. She's gone through stuff you never have."

"I was once a Victor, you know. I've seen the same things."

He's right, but I will not say it out loud even if he knows it. He can't understand. "But, if you want a name to yell when you feel like it, just call me Jason."

"Yeah, right. You're my worst nightmare, Jason."

I recognize him because of his name. He won last year's Games. It's a miracle he has. He had absolutely no chance of winning. But, actually, last year was the worst Games ever. He, Jason, just … got in bed with all the female tributes. That just looked like a disgusting movie. But he managed to kill them all. I don't even want to know how he did it. That year, I hadn't watched the Games. My mom had got sick and I had to take care of her. Lucky I hadn't. But people had told me what I needed to know. Even though the Victor had his little show, I didn't go. I was too busy to remember his face. I was too overwhelmed to even think about congratulating the Victor.

"I could be your secret wish."

"You're dreaming. You'll never be," I replicate.

I can't wait for the Games to start, so I'll be done with that idiot. I get up and leave without saying anything else. Two minutes later, I hear footstep. I'm ready to fight if it's Jason, but it's only Liam. He looks a bit sad and confused. I'm sitting in the couch and there's a place beside me. Liam shows me the place with his finger, asking if he can sit there. I shrug. "Why not?" I say.

He sits next to me. He stays silent for a while, but I know he wants to say something. "I've spoken with Jason," he tells me, "He's sorry he got you so upset. I just think he's having issues."

"Don't defend him," I reply, "He's not having issues, he's just a mess."

Liam sighs. "Look, I don't want you to think we have to be allies. We could be if you'd like."

"I don't mean to be rude, but we can't be allies. I'll be dead after the bloodbath, I'll be useless."

"We both know you won't be dead. You're almost as good as your father with your trident, as my grandfather keeps saying. You could win, you know."

I look away, then back to him again. I feel proud when people compare me to my father, to how great he was. But it also reminds me that I'll never get the chance to know him. I'll never get the pleasure to have a father. Never.

"I don't want to win," I whisper.

I know he's surprised. Everyone in the Games wants to win. "You don't?"

I shake my head. "I don't want to win. I know I can't win. I just want to get this over with."

He's not stupid. "Get what over with?" he asks.

I can't tell him my dirty little secret. No one can know. Because he has given me an idea. I won't team up with Liam. I'll team up with Peeta and Katniss's son. I smile, thinking about that genius plan. It sounds like the best I've ever had. I barely hear Liam saying goodnight. Now, I need to figure out how the heck I will get their son on board. He'll never trust me. Then I know. He may know my name, he may know I am Finnick's daughter, but he doesn't know I want him dead. Maybe I could team up with Liam too, so he can be an ally for the Mellark girl. That would just be perfect. Since my father helped their parents to overthrow the Capitol, they may trust me. They have to. It will work. It has to. But I can make no mistake. From now on, I need to be the quiet little girl, not the hurricane I've showed Jason. Thinking about him, I get up and find him, sitting in the dining room, still eating some things, but mostly thinking. "Hey," I say.

He looks up and frowns when he sees me. "What a lovely surprise," he exclaims, "Missed me already?"

I force myself not to roll my eyes. Instead of that, I take that pity look I've been practicing for years and look at him straight in the eyes. "Look, I just wanted to apologize for what I've said earlier. I know I shouldn't have said all these things to you, I didn't mean them. I'm just … It's just that … I really need to get home, I have to win. And the pressure is just huge on my shoulder."

I must look desperate because he nods. "I know. I'm sorry about what I said about your mother. I was just being an ass. I know you have to win for her. You're the only one she has left."

I'm surprised he understands. Surprise must show on my face because he smiles, but it's not a real smile, it's a sad one. "I know what you're going through. I won for my father, because he was sick, because he had no one else to rely on. I know how you're feeling, I know all of this."

I look at him, unsure about what he's saying. He could tell the truth. I knew nothing about him anyway. Or he could just be lying. _Yeah, but what's the point? You're lying too. _I nod as I understood exactly how he felt. I should have.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Luckily, Jason hasn't told anyone about my … crazy night, let's call it like that. Since then, I was quiet and calm. Even Liam has had hard time recognizing me. I can't blame him. I have thought about what Jason said. About us being star-crossed lovers. I ain't a big fan of that idea, but … it could get the boy on board. I should learn his name. I have never seen him. And this year, the Capitol has decided that we wouldn't see the other tributes. Not until the Games. So, no more training together. It'll just be Liam and me. At least, I can see him or I'd probably go wild. I mean, wilder. "Hey," he says as he comes into the room.

I'm in the dining room, or the room that looks like it. On the table there is food and I've been eating since quite a while now, since I've woke up, which is a while ago. I'd rather not know.

I look up and my eyes meet Liam's. "Hey," I tell him with a small smile.

He sits next to me. His hair are a mess and he really looks like he just woke up. He looks tired, though. I wonder if he stayed up late last night. I don't bother to ask him because it doesn't really matter to me. Even if the thought has crossed my mind. "Hey," he says.

"Had a rough night?" I smile.

He laughs. "Yeah, pretty much. I couldn't sleep."

I nod, pretending to know exactly how he feels. "Same for me. I just … I just keep thinking about my mother and it drives me crazy. I wonder if she's doing okay without me. I wonder who's there to take care of her now that I'm gone." I murmur.

I am not lying about that. I do wonder what is happening to her. I just hope she's all right because if not, I would never forgive myself. In a way, it is my duty to get back home to take care of her. But it's like I can't. I can't explain the feeling. I've dragged myself into this mess and I can't get out of it. And I'm just starting to realize that my mother will be the one paying for that. Because if I die, no one else than her gets hurt. I realize that Liam is looking at me, his eyes wide open. Has he asked me a question? "You've said something?" I ask, confused.

He nods. "Yeah. I said 'I'm sure she's doing okay'," he repeats.

"I hope you're right," I say.

He stays silent as he grabs a croissant and an apple. I watch him as he's eating. If it wasn't the Games, if I could have a boyfriend, maybe I would have picked him. He's a nice guy. It's almost a shame he's here with me. "Know what we would be doing now?" he asks me.

I know exactly what we would be doing. He does too. It looks like he wants to remind me some good memories we have together. We don't really share them, I mean we've never really talked. It's not like I have friends back in the District 4. I don't. All the kids think I'm just the mad girl's daughter. And they avoid me because my father helped the leaders of the revolution. I don't know if it's like that for the other kids. I don't know them and I don't want to know them. Anyway, that would be useless since I'm supposed to kill them in the arena.

I look at Liam and I nod. "Fishing," I say, "I miss that already."

Fishing is a lot of fun. At the beginning, it's overwhelming because you don't have the good technical. But as soon as you get it, it becomes so amusing. I mean, you're there in the water, all day long and all you got to do is basically just get some fish so you get to eat at night. My mom doesn't work, she can't really, so I provide her what she needs. Now that I'm gone, I wonder who does it for her. Yes, I have fished more than usual for the past month so she can have things to eat but fish isn't something you can keep really long. I've put it in ice – which wasn't enough – hoping it would stay fresh. I need to stop worrying about her or it'll stop me from thinking about things I should really be thinking about. Like, how the heck am I going to kill people?

Liam's voice interrupts my thoughts. "I know what you mean. When I was home, I used to complain about it. Now, I'd give everything just to go back."

I know what he means. But I don't want to go back. No one can do what I want to do. I need to do it myself. I will only find peace when it's done. I don't say anything back to Liam. I don't know what to tell him and I don't think he was looking for any answer. He keeps eating and he stays silent. He must have a lot of thoughts running in his mind. So should I. But I don't. My mind is empty and I can't focus on anything. But I should be focusing on how to kill the kids. I've thought about the idea I got yesterday and I felt it was a good one. It could work. So, I need to forget about the bloodbath because I'll get killed before I can talk to them. _Unless they die in the bloodbath. _If they die, I won't have to do it. But I want to do it. _Dilemma, dilemma. _I need to find a way to make sure they don't die. "Liam?" I say.

He swallows whatever he was eating and he looks at me. His eyes looks straight in mine as he answers. "Yeah?"

"I was thinking … about what Jason said yesterday. About us being allies, about the star-crossed lovers thing." I start to say.

He immediately frowns. Sure, yesterday I almost kicked their butts because they had brought on the table. And now, I'm almost telling him I'm okay with it. "Yes," he says, unsure.

"Well, I think … I think it could be a good idea."

Liam gets up and starts walking around the table. I look at him, wondering what the heck he's doing. "Can I trust you? You're not a backstabber, are you?" he asks me.

I'm surprised he asked that. "You know I can just lie to your face and say you can trust me while I'm planning on killing you." I tell him.

I avoided his question and he has noticed. "I'm being serious."

I look down as I answer. "For now, you can."

For now, meaning until you get the Mellark girl on board. I'll get the boy on board. I think I can do this. I have to. "Look at me in the eyes," Liam requires.

I look up and straight into his eyes. He has beautiful eyes. _Stop thinking about that. Once you're in the arena and once he's realized you're a liar, he'll kill you and watch you die with his beautiful eyes. _He studies my expression. I have none. I'm not showing any feeling or any emotion. I'm a queen at that. I could fool anyone. Except maybe my mother, when she's in a good mood. "I … I know we won't be allies when it's just the two of us."

"I really hope we don't get there. I don't want to kill you." I tell him.

For once, I'm not lying. I'm telling the truth. I don't want to kill the boy from my District. If I am not going to win, at least, he should be the one winning. At least, District 4 would get another Victor. That would be great. "I don't think I could ever hurt you," he tells me.

His tone seems intimate. Like he's trying to tell me something. But I can't listen to that. "Don't say that," I say, "Or I'll end up thinking you actually love me."

He doesn't answer but his eyes tell it all. It can't be true. Not another one? Thinking about it, it could be possible. He's the only one who's ever dare to talk to me. Even if I have never cared enough to answer back. The tension is broken by the arrival of Jason. But he feels it and he looks at us both, then he smiles. "Should I think something is going on?" he asks.

I have almost forgotten how annoying he can get. He sits right in front of me and winks at me. I roll my eyes and sighs very loud. I almost regret that I apologized to him yesterday. "Nothing is going on," I say.

He can't not believe me. My tone has been equal and I has shown nothing on my face. I would be a better actor than Liam. He's all red because he has blushed. It's somehow … adorable. "Let's say I believe you."

He knows exactly how to irritate me. "So, what is your big plan, tributes?" he asks.

He looks at me. "You, sweetheart, you should know that the Capitol has probably asked every other tribute – all the one that aren't kids like you, you know what I mean – to take you as a target. You will not be the only one target, but … you should come up with a good plan because otherwise, you're dead," he tells me.

"I'm already dead. I always was," I reply.

"No, you're not," Jason denies, "tell me what you guys have been up to while I was asleep."

I glance at Liam. He's looking at the ground and he doesn't look like someone who's ready to talk about what we just shared. I shall talk for both of us. "I was just telling Liam that you have had a good idea saying we should be allies. I think he's okay with that strategy. But he knows it's not permanent. It can't be." I inform Jason.

"Don't worry about that," Liam says.

I'm surprised he speaks. I thought he'd stay silent for weeks. Jason takes a look at him and then he glances at me. I don't move and I stare back. I hate being stared at, specially because usually, people stare for the wrong reasons. "So, you've agreed without me? I'm offended," he pretends, but I know he's not, he's glad we're listening to him.

I smile. "Stop pretending. You're the worst actor I know."

"Who said I was acting?"

I roll my eyes. "Okay. Enough," he says.

He sits straight in his chair and put away the plate of food he has. Then, he stare at both of us. I stare back, but I don't know about Liam because he's sitting in the chair next to me, but if I look at Jason, I don't see Liam anymore. But I'm assuming he does stare as well. "It's still early in the morning, but this time, there is no parade. The Capitol doesn't want the tributes to recognize each other. He wants to avoid the alliances between …" he stops in the middle of his sentence and glances at me, "between kids like you," he finishes, "so the only thing the sponsors will have is going to be your final note. Score high. Or score low, I don't care, but you have to somehow be noticed."

It's going to be harder this year for the sponsors. They know what we look like but they won't see us until the Games begin. It's a bit stressful, but I'll deal with it. As always. And I've got an idea. I know exactly what I'll do.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It's time for workout. There is cameras, but we are only watched by our own District – as we were told – and probably by the Capitol. I don't really know how they manage to deal with that, but it's not my business. Jason thinks that we will probably be watched by other Districts too. But he can't know for sure because tributes – and their mentor – can't know everything that's going on, back in their Districts.

I have dressed up in what I suppose is my training jumpsuit. It looks like it, though. It's skintight and I can move easily without being bothered. I have fixed my hair in a loose ponytail, so my hair won't get in my way. I get out of the room quickly and meet Liam outside of the room. Jason is waiting for us and he takes us up in the elevator to the higher floor. I have never taken something like that before. I have barely taken the stairs. I try not to look too impress, but when I see the look on Liam's face, I stop acting and smile. "Well, now I know where is all the money in Panem," I joke.

Jason turns to me and he looks horrified. "Don't say things like that! They can hear you." he almost yells at me.

I take a step back and frown. If the Capitol hates me – I know they already do – I'll be dead in a minute. But I'm already dead. It's like I am. The elevator finally stops and we get out of the cabin. The room where we are is empty. It looks beautiful but not as expensive as my room is. It's like a little salon to wait while the work begin. Jason takes a look at us, "I can't be there for that, but just give it your best, or your worst. People have to remember you," he tells us.

I nod and glance at Liam. He looks scared and it just amused me because he has never looked that scared when it was time to fish huge fishes that can easily kill us or take our arm away. I am not scared, but I know I should be. People need to think I am, otherwise I am screwed. I try to compose myself a scared face, but I don't know if I succeed. Jason gives me a weird look like he's asking me what the heck I'm trying to do. I force myself not to roll up my eyes, that would be useless and it would mess my acting thing. He sits in a chair. It's actually the only chair in the room, and he closes his eyes. I stare at him for a second. "That's all you're giving us? No more advices?" I ask.

He opens one of his eyes and look at me. He looks amused but I am not. At least, he could try to help us. "You don't need advices. You'll do great on your own." he answers.

I take a look at Liam. His face looks panicked to me. "What? But tell me how to survive! I don't want to die out there," he says angrily.

"You're not going to die," Jason replies, "It's training. You'll die after. When the Games begin."

Liam looks so mad. He turns around and punches the wall. I'm so shocked that I don't move. What just happened? Did he just hit that wall? Liam is too peaceful to do that! I stare at him, unable to move and quite surprised. What he says would have make me fall off my chair, it just doesn't sound like the Liam I know. "You should have died there. I wish you had. I am not going to die. I'll fight my best. I won't be an ass like you were. Besides, I don't need you. You can just go fuck yourself. You and your damn advices. You call that advices? I call that bullshit. Just get the hell lost. And I hope you die while you're at it."

His voice is admirably calm. But I can feel how upset he is. I would be angry too if I wanted to go home as badly as he does. He stares at Jason for a moment and then, he grabs my hand and he walks away. I follow him, too confused to say anything else. He crosses the door – the only door – and behind it's, what I suppose is the training center. It's huge. I've never seen a room that big, actually. The walls are painted in gray. Sad color. There is weapons all over the place, and little stations where we can try out our skills – or find out some. I notice that Liam still hasn't let go of my hand. I should make him let go, but I feel like he needs my support right now and since he's going to be part of my plan, I can't let him down. Not right now. "You okay?" I ask him.

He nods quickly and his eyes don't cross mine. Like he's some how ashamed of what he's done. He probably is. I know his father is a violent man. From what I see, he's doing all he can to not be like him. And he's right not to. I don't know if he's ever been violent to his children because the Capitol seems to keep it a secret. I know I've said that we couldn't have secrets. It's right. We can't because the Capitol always finds out. But it doesn't mean everyone else does. They keep it a secret so they have something against you if you ever try to overthrow them. It has always worked. And it probably always will. It's kind of a shame, because people live in the fear that their darkest secret will be exposed to everyone. From what I know, I don't have such secrets. I've spent my entire life taking care of my mother. The Capitol doesn't know what I'm planning on doing. I've never said it out loud and I've never written it on paper. So no one can possibly know. I have made sure they never find out. "Are you sure?" I insist.

I can still feel how mad he is. I still don't understand how he manage not to hit Jason. At least insult him harder than this. I've never heard so many bad words coming out of his mouth than I have today. But he kept calm. "Yes, I'm okay, stop annoying me." he answers brutally.

"Just wanted to make sure you're not about to kill me." I reply back with the same tone.

I don't like it when I'm trying to be nice to someone and they're just being so rude with you. I mean, I'm being nice, could you please try your best as well? I make him let go of my hand rudely and I walk away. I go to the first station I see. It's knots. I'm good at knots. I used to do so many for fishing. It's easy. The easiest, maybe. I start doing knots like I'm going insane. It doesn't even take ten seconds before I see Liam walking toward me. He grabs a rope and he sits beside me, doing the same thing than me. He's meticulous and he's good, it's true. But I don't know why we are losing time doing this. It's not going to help us in the Games. Well, unless we need to catch some fish, which I don't think will happen.

"I'm not planning on killing you. Not right now, at least," Liam's voice says.

I could have missed the little ironic thing in his voice, but I haven't. I know it's his way to ask for forgiveness. I keep doing what I was doing without answering him. After a minute or two, I give up the knots I've been making and I get up on my feet. I look around. I want to try something harder. I don't want to show everyone how good I am with a trident, so when I see one, I make sure I don't touch it, or even look at it. My entire District is watching me. They already know what I can do. And if others Districts are watching as well, they won't know what I'm up to. I can't let them know how good I am with that weapon. Instead, I pick a bow. I turn to Liam who has followed me. He looks intrigued by what I'm doing. He knows I can't use a bow. I've never tried, but I know I'm no good at it. "Look, Liam. I'm the mockingjay." I joke. Then, I take an arrow and I try to shot as well as I can. I don't even touch the target. I'm way beside it, but I glance at Liam again and pretend that's what I wanted to do. He frowns. "You've missed it." he says.

"I haven't missed it. You were just looking at the wrong target." I tell him with a smile.

Then, I see him smiling and I know his anger is gone and that he's the guy I used to know. Well, 'know' is a big word. I don't really know him. I just know enough to say how he's like, inside. Outside, everyone can tell. But he's easy to read and I'm quite a good reader. Lucky no one is there to yell on us because for sure, Jason would have done it and he'd be glad to. He's probably watching us and I know he's going to be pissed off when we'll get out of here, but I don't give a damn. Maybe I would have under different circumstances, but now, I don't care.

Liam and I went around all day, trying out things we had never tried before. It was fun, but at the same time, it wasn't. "How many days left?" he asks as we walk outside of the training room.

"Two days left," I tell him, "and after, we're going to use those weapons for real."

He stays silent and I know he doesn't want to joke about this like I do. Because he cares about life too much, maybe. Or because he's got a family too. I do too. "Why can you joke about this?" he asks.

I stop walking and look at him. If I only knew. "How can you joke about this? You can't joke about this. Don't you want to go home? Don't you want to see your mom again? I don't understand." he tells me.

I shrug. "There is nothing to understand. I just … I think you deserve to go back better than I do." I say.

He frowns. "Don't say that. No one can replace you. Your mom needs you. My family could do it without me. I don't know about your mom," he argues.

My mom. When I thought about it, it seemed okay to say that she would be all right without me, but thinking about saying it out loud makes things worse. It doesn't seem fair to just die in the Games. It's not fair to her who spent almost twenty years of her life taking care of me. Well, I took care of her most of the time, but she looked out for me too. And what he's saying is true. She'll be alone after I'm dead. She'll have no one else to turn to because no one wants to be seen with the mad woman of the District. Maybe I could go home, after all. But it doesn't feel right. But I can't do this to her either. She's already lost someone, she can't lost me too. She'll be alone.

I shake my head, confused. I don't know what to think. When I came here, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Kill them and then die. Not because I haven't thought of my mother, not because I wanted to die an hero. I just … After killing too many people in the Games, how could I possibly allow myself to live?


	6. Chapter 5

_Hi! I know it's been quite a while I haven't posted anything. I apologize for this, I been quite busy. Anyway, here it is and I hope you'll like it. Thanks again for reading this story, means a lot. xx_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

As I expected, Jason yelled at us for a moment. "Are you both out of your mind? Insulting the mockingjay, then pretending you're all heroes? Do you know what's waiting for you in the arena? Death! Nothing else than death! You're going to die, now. And it's not the sponsors or your brightness that will save you. You're both damned."

Like I didn't know that already. I keep calm and I look at him as he's going mad. I glance at Liam and I can see he's trying not to laugh. I can't help it. His face makes me smile, and my smile goes bigger and bigger and then, all of a sudden, I start laughing. I just can't stop. I am almost crying because I'm laughing too hard. I barely hear Liam laughing. When I finally stop, my cheek are all wet because of tears and they hurt me because I've laughed too much. My stomach kind of hurts too. It has been a while I haven't laughed like that. Liam has stopped laughing too but he still has that smile on his face. _He's going to kill me! _Jason is looking at both of us and he looks so desperate right now that I almost fall into the laughing again. But I know he would be even more pissed than he already is, so I try my best to stay calm. "I don't know why you were both laughing because nothing is funny." he tells us. I feel relieved. Laughing helped. It's as if all the tension has faded.

I could have told him that it's actually quite funny, but I keep my mouth shut. I know the Capitol is probably watching us and seeing us laugh like two insane people may have wiped out their doubts. They may actually think we were just joking around, insulting the mocking jay. But I don't know why they would be mad at us for doing that. They want to punish the mocking jay as much as I want to. They can't hate us for that. They should be glad we have tried to ridicule her. That's why I don't get why Jason is so angry at us. We haven't done anything wrong. Anyway, District 12 can't directly punish us. And I know they probably won't. How could they? They are powerless. Like everyone else.

"Chill out, Jason," Liam tells him. It's the first time I see him so cool and relax. He's never said things like that before. The Games has changed him. Already.

"Don't tell me what to do, kiddo," Jason replicates, "You have no idea what you've just done." It's actually quite funny that Jason calls Liam 'kiddo' because Liam is like two or three years younger than him.

"Tell me what we just did, Jason. We haven't done anything wrong. It was just a stupid joke, jeez, keep calm!"

He doesn't answer right away and I'm not quite finished with him yet. "Anyway, why do you care so much? You won't be the one dying in that arena, we will. Nothing's going to happen to you, they've all seen you had nothing to do with it." I continue.

He looks at me. "It's not because you don't care if you live or if you die that everyone else does. Liam wants to live. I know I want to live too. So if you want to die, don't drag us with you." he warns me.

I stay silent for a while then turn to Liam. I can see on his face that he's mitigated. In a way, I know he agrees with what I've done because if the mocking jay had succeed, he would not be there, fighting for his life. But, in the other hand, I know he agrees with Jason as well because he wants to go home. He wants to get back home and continue to live the life he lived before all that. I know he deserves it. That's why I'll try to keep him alive. For once, I realize that I do care about him. Not in the way you think. I don't care about him like I'm going to kiss him or anything. There is nothing romantic between us, we just get along pretty well. I care about him because I want him to go home. If someone has to win, he does. He deserves it better than anyone else. Maybe because he's the only one I know, but he should go home. I make myself a promise. He will go home. It doesn't matter how, but he will. By how, I don't mean handicapped for the rest of his life. I mean, it doesn't matter what will happen to me or what I will have to do to keep him safe. Maybe I will erase my mistake by trying to keep him safe. Maybe I'll see my father when I'll be dead.

"It's fine, Jason," Liam finally says, "I know she meant well."

And there he is, always defending me even if I'm wrong. I'm not saying I hate it. I just think it makes me look weak. And it makes us look like star-crossed lovers, which we are not and never will be.

Jason shrugs. "Just go eat and then, go to bed. You've got a long day tomorrow."

It's done. We're done with training. Basically, what we've been doing for the past two days has been the same thing we did on the first day. Messing around in the training center, proving the Capitol we have the skills they're looking for. Liam tried his best. I've tried my worst. I didn't really try. I just messed it up and I knew it. It's a strategy I know District 7 Johanna has already used. So people probably won't pay attention to the catastrophic grade I'll get. It'll be harder for me to get sponsors. I know this can make difference between death and life. But I trust my mother, I know she'll manage to get me the trident and then, no matter what happens, it'll be all right. Tonight, we will finally know how much we scored. I'm not expecting a high grade because I have done nothing for it. If they give me a high grade, they're out of their minds. Liam and I already ate and Jason is eating while we're sitting on the couch, waiting for the grades to be told. All the Districts will see this, that's for sure. And every tribute will as well. No pictures, only the District and the score.

And it starts. I glance at Liam, almost shaking. I'm wondering if I used the best strategy. Maybe I should have done like Liam. I should have tried my best. Or maybe not. Maybe it's best if they think I'm some kind of weak freak. I don't know what to think anymore.

"And, tonight, we're going to reveal how much each tribute has scored on their three days of training. I know you guys were all waiting for that moment after you've seen them exercising. Already betting on who's going to get out of the Games alive?" It's Caesar. He's doing a nice job with that. It was him back in the mocking jay days. He's got older, but he's still good. I think he is. He's done a pretty nice job animating and interviewing the Victors, since he doesn't interview the tributes before the Games.

"I won't make you wait any longer. Here it is."

And it starts. The scores. I'm feeling anxious. I don't know what I should expect and I don't want tributes to get in my way. District 1 boy scored 8 and the girl a 7. They're not too high, but not really low either. 9 for both District 2 tributes. 5 and 6 for District 3. District 4. I glance at Liam. He's looking at me and he looks pretty tired. Like he's been wide awake for the past two days, which may be true. I hesitate before doing it, but I finally do it. I put my hand on his shoulder, rubbing it, trying to comfort him, telling him without saying a word that it will be all right for him. That he's got nothing to worry about, but I know it's a lie. He probably does too, but he smiles anyway. He puts his hand on my knee and I feel the warmth of his hand. I try not to shiver, but he doesn't notice my efforts, he's all focused on the screen. Then, there they are. Our scores. Liam has scored a 10. It's the highest score for now. I can see his smile. He's relieved. But he shouldn't. Scoring too high can be a problem too. That's why I tried to keep a low profile, but maybe I've done too much. I've scored a pathetic 4. People must wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I haven't touched a trident at all. I've barely touched the weapons, except for that one time where I have taken that bow and made a fool out of myself. I even wonder why they've put me a 4. I didn't even deserve a 4.

"A 4? Are you kidding me? You've scored a 4? But I thought you were an expert with the damn trident. Why didn't you use it? Are you insane? You've got a 4? Do you know how hard I will have to work to get you sponsors?" Jason yells. I don't move, but I can't help it, I smile. Jason looks at me like I'm insane.

"And you're smiling? Are you outta your mind? You know you won't even survive the bloodbath."

I shake my head. "I will survive. Because who would try to kill a girl who's got a 4? They'll try to kill Liam first because he's got a 10," I say, "But don't you worry. I said we would be allies, so I'll protect you."

"I don't need your protection." he replicates. Being saved by a girl probably isn't his 'dream'. I shrug and take my hand off his shoulder. He notices it, but he leaves his hand on my knee. I don't stand up because his hand wouldn't be on my knee anymore and it helps me not panicking. I don't know why I feel this way. I shouldn't be so anxious or nervous. But I am. And I can't help it.

"You know what I mean," I tell him, "Don't pretend you're invincible."

He looks at me and our eyes lock for a second. He's worried. But I have that feeling that tells me that he's not worried about him, that he's more worried about me. Why me? I've got the lamest score Panem has ever seen. No one is going to kill me first. They could, but will they risk to track me down if someone has scored higher than me? I could really be worth a 4. I know I am not, but they don't. Which could help me. But Liam has got a 10. He may be in real trouble.

Then, I look back at the screen, wondering what is the score of my enemies. The girl from District 12 has got a 11 and the boy has got a 9. They really are Katniss's children. "People are going to be focused on those two kids," I tell Jason, "Not on us."

"You don't know that," he says, "It wouldn't be fun if these two kids died during the bloodbath."

What he's saying isn't as stupid as I first thought it would be. It's true. During the bloodbath, the weakest die. They ones that aren't strong enough to survive die. According to their scores, these two will not die during the bloodbath. I think I may actually have real trouble to kill them. Besides, the Capitol has probably a creepy plan for the two of them. And maybe for me too.

Then, it's over, the show is finished and the screen goes black again. I stay silent and so does Liam. Only Jason keeps insulting me. But I don't listen to him. I've got more stuff to do. I don't get why he's so upset because he's the one who said to try my worst or my best. I did listen to him. "Shut up," I tell him, "You've said to do my worst or my best. I listened to you. So now, shut the fuck up and get lost. If you wanted me to do better, you should have helped better."

Jason stops insulting me for a second. His eyes are wide open and he's looking at me like he's going to kill me. I don't look away, I keep staring at him. "I know what I've said," he finally says, "I just wanted you to prove them how good you are."

I shrug and look away as he's getting up and leaving the room. _What so ever. _Since I've missed some of the scores, I don't really know what to expect from other tributes, but then, the screen goes on again and there's a list with all the scores. I carefully look at it. A 8 for District 5 girl and a 9 for the boy. District 6 scored a 7 for both. District 7, they've got a pretty high score of 9. 6 for District 8 boy and 7 for the girl. District 9 got a big 9, District 10 a little 5 – I wonder what they've showed the Capitol, they almost got a grade as lame as I have – District 11 scored big with a 8. And, finally, District 13 got a 10 for the girl and a 8 for the boy. The tributes will be quite fighters this year. According to the scores, I will not make it after the bloodbath. It's obvious I won't and the sponsors are probably all agreeing on that, so no one will lose their money on me, except maybe my mother, if she's sane – or should I say insane – enough.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"It is time," Jason says.

I walk next to him. Soon, we will be in the arena, fighting for our lives, but now, we need to see the stylists. Their jobs have been reduced and they have pretty much nothing to do. I lie on some sort of table. I'm naked and there they are, three of them, looking at my body like they've never seen anything like that before. They use wax to take all the hair off. When I'm saying 'all', I mean, everything that's not on my head or that's not my eyebrows. Everything else is gone, and I'm telling you, it's not as fun as it looks like. But they're doing a pretty good job, so it doesn't hurt too much. But still. I'll probably look like a lobster when they'll be done with me. The worst part is when they try to take off every single hair they think shouldn't be there in your eyebrow. I seriously thought I'd die. I almost shed a tear or two. Then, I'm ready. After I don't know how many hours of torture. _If you think this is torture, I can't even think about how painful it's going to be in the arena. _

I'm taken in my room where I get to shower – probably the last warm shower I'll have in days, or the last shower – and then I dress up with that skintight jumpsuit that suits me perfectly. I put on the boots they gave me. They're quite comfortable and they don't hurt my feet so it's all right. They fix my hair in a lose ponytail, make sure everything is okay about me and then, I'm ready. I don't know if I'll get to see Liam before the Games. I'm waiting in my room when Jason comes in. I'm so nervous and I don't even know why. He looks serious, like something has happened. "What happened?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Nothing has happened. The Capitol has decided that the tributes would be interviewed a little bit before going in the arena. Obviously, you don't get to see the other tributes interviews, only yours and Liam's."

An interview. He couldn't bring me worse news. I can't speak in front of ten thousand people. I won't see them, but I'll know they're watching and I just can't. Every time I tried, I just froze. It'll happen again. I can't do this. I'd rather be thrown in the arena right now. "Come on, it is time." he says.

I follow him as he leads me to the 'dining room'. No one is there except for Liam. He seems relieved when he sees me. He doesn't run toward me, that would have been way too … romantic or friendly, but his smile tells it all. I smile at him, too and I sit beside him. Again, he puts his hand on my knee and I let him do it. I don't put my hand on his shoulder, but I'm hesitating. Jason looks at me and our eyes cross. I know what he wants me to do, but it just feels wrong to do it. "Do it," he whispers.

I shouldn't listen to him, but I do it anyway, maybe because I feel guilty about what I told him yesterday. I put my hand on Liam's. At first, he's surprised, but then I look at Jason and Liam understands. I don't know if he's disappointed by the answer I gave him, but he looks okay. "It's part of the acting," I tell him, "I just don't want you to get confused." Or hurt, but that I don't say it out loud.

He nods like he understood, but his voice makes me think he doesn't. "I know. I just needed … to know you were there too. Are we allies until the end?" he asks.

I shake my head. If I agree, I'll be the one killing him, or most likely, he'll kill me. I just can't say 'yes' to this, even though I know that he's hoping for it really bad. "We can't be allies until the end. You know why. I don't want to kill you." I answer.

It's not what he wants to hear, but he knows I'm right. Anyway, I'm not planning on still being alive at that point. "It'll be your turn, soon," Jason says, "Remember, be careful what you're saying. They could get the wrong idea about you."

He's not talking to Liam, he's talking to me. His words are destined to me. I know that and so does Liam. He's the only one to nod even if he'll be perfect and even if he won't make a single mistake in front of the camera. I know I will. Then, he's there. Caesar. He's escorted by cameras – tons of – and by Peacekeepers. They're like ten. Do they really think we are going to kill him? That would just be really stupid. He walks toward us with a big smile on his face. He looks so friendly, it's hard not to smile back. He sits in front of us and the cameras circle us. I feel nervous. I squeeze Liam's hand even harder. I only realize what I'm doing when he moves his hand. Then, I let go of his hand, but he takes it back. Now, we're holding hands. Caesar hasn't missed that and he seems quite intrigued by this. So must be the Districts. It's not like Liam and I were the closest friends ever.

"District 4 tributes," Caesar announces, "Jessyka Odair and Liam Kozak." For a moment, I'm afraid. He just said our names out loud and we are being watched by all the Districts. I really hope the tributes are not watching because I'm screwed if they are. But since I haven't seen any interview, I'm guessing they're not watching. Plus, Jason has said they wouldn't, but I wonder if he's getting the right info or if he's being told lies. Perhaps he's telling us all the lies.

I nod a little, not knowing what else to add. If I was bright enough, I'd add a little joke so people would like me. But I'm not like that. "I've got to say I've been quite disappointed by Finnick's daughter. A 4, really? Did you mean to score a 4, or did you really deserve it?" he asks me.

I take a deep breath before answering. I know that no matter what I'll say, it won't make any difference. I'll still be dead at the end of the Games. "I deserved it. I'm glad my father isn't alive to see what an useless daughter he's got." I tell him.

Liam is the first one to protest. "That's not true. You're more useful than you think." he says.

Caesar looks interested in our 'relationship' and he keeps looking at our hands. I don't want to let go of Liam's hand because if I do, I don't know if I'll be able to make it. I know Caesar will ask me a lot of questions about my father. Hearing his name hurts. And I can't cry in front of the camera, I'll look weaker than I already look. "Am I dreaming? Do we got another pair of star-crossed lovers this year?" Caesar notices. By 'another', he means the second one the Games has ever seen.

My hand shakes and Liam notices it. He squeezes my hand, telling me everything will be all right. I hope he's right. I really do. "I hate that term," I tell Caesar, "Liam and I are not star-crossed lovers."

I can almost hear Jason's voice yelling to shut the fuck up, but I can't let everyone think that I'm in love with Liam because it's not true. My mom would die if she thought I was following Katniss's path. I let go of Liam's hand and pushes it away. The moment I can't feel his hand anymore makes me lose my marks, I know it was a bad idea. At least, he kept me confident. "Then, what are you? Panem is dying to know." he goes on.

I look at Liam. _Your turn, now, _I want to tell him. But he doesn't look at me. His hand is still open, where mine was, just like he's inviting me to hold his hand again. I know he's not going to say a single word about us. Not anymore, so I have to speak for both of us. "I guess we're friends. We used to fish together," I say, "But we never really talked until the Reaping."

Caesar nods. "Okay, so tell me, Jessyka, since you seem the only one able to speak for now, tell me. Do you think you'll be as good as Finnick? Remember, he's won the Hunger Games at the age of 14. Quite young. You're older than that. That should be a piece of cake, right? And what about your mother, Annie, right? You've got pressure on your shoulders, young lady, with two Victors as parents."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "No one can be as good as they were," I say, "I wish I had the chance to know my father."

"Yeah, it's never easy to lose someone." he replicates like he doesn't care. Which is probably true or he has some questions that may interest Panem more than that.

"Anyone home who would want you back?" Caesar asks. His questions is for both of us. I don't know if Liam will answer, so I decide to speak first. "My mom is the only one I've got left."

"Will you win for her?"

I stay silent for a while. My mom's clever and if she's watching the interview, she'll know I'm lying. She has always known. _Well, she needs to be conscious of her actions. If she's 'there', she'll know. _If her mind isn't gone in some dark trip, she'll know I'm lying. So I say what can possibly be the truth, "I'll try."

Caesar doesn't make any remark on my long pause, but I know how it looks. I look like some kid that doesn't give a damn about her poor mother back home. I don't know if people from my District will think that way. They know I care about my mother. They know I would have done everything just to keep her safe. They know that. Other Districts may think that I'm heartless, so they may think that killing isn't a problem for me. I can't tell if they would be right or not. I nervously glance at Liam. He's staring at Caesar and doesn't seem to want to look at me again. "And you, Liam? Ready to speak again?"

Liam nods. When he speaks, I recognize the boy I've worked with, back in District 4, back in the days we were just kids. "I've got a family," he reveals – but it's not really a revelation, everyone has a family –, "And I want to go home."

"So you'd be ready to kill anyone?"

Thinking about Liam killing people makes me wince. I just can't picture him killing people. He catches my grimace and frowns. Then, it's like a new person is standing in front of me. His voice is calm, cool and confident. Which he didn't seem to be at all, right before the interview. _What have I done? _I ask myself. "Yes. Once I'll be in there, I guess I'll do everything to stay alive." Liam asserts.

"Even killing that young lady next to you wouldn't be a problem to you?" Caesar asks.

Liam freezes for a while. I have the same reaction. I've always known someone would ask him that question, but I don't want to hear the answer. I can't let him answer that question. I know he would probably kill me if he could go home after. And I'd probably let him. But before I can say anything, Liam has recovered all his assurance and his voice is cold, colder than I've ever heard. "If she's in my way, yes. I won't hesitate. Not a single second." he swears.

Even though I was expecting them, the words hurt. I, somehow, have got used to Liam pretending to like me and us pretending to be better friends than we truly are. I know it's some kind of revenge for the hand thing before. Well, I guess they are because if they aren't, I'm screwed. I need that boy for my plan. My face must look surprised because I can see Jason behind Caesar, moving his hands like some sort of freak. I look down for a moment. _He's probably acting for television. _But I know he's not pretending. He's dead serious.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Hi! Sorry, I know it took me long before posting this chapter. Here it is. I hope you'll enjoy it. **_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

How could this happen? After Caesar's departure, Jason comes right on through and he stares at both of us and I almost feel the anger in his eyes. I know he's mad. We just screw every chance he had to find us some sponsors. Liam may have some sponsors that will still be ready to bet on him. I won't, for sure. Jason takes a deep breath, "Are you both out of your freaking mind?" he yells, "What was that about? I thought you guys agreed on being allies."

"I thought we had," Liam says before I can say anything, "But according to her, we are not."

It's my turn to be totally surprised. How the heck can he say that? "I've never said anything like that!" I reply madly, "I've said we were not in love. What's wrong with that? We are not in love. It's the fucking truth and you're freaking mad at me for telling the truth? What is wrong with you?"

I could have keep going and going but Jason's voice stops me, "Jessyka. Enough."

He's taken away my anger. Just in two words. I have no idea how he did that. I look at Liam. He's obviously trying not to look at me so I let it go. "Fine," I say, "What so ever, I don't care."

I walk away. Anger rises up in me again as soon as I've left the room. I get in my room quickly before I'll be thrown in the arena. I wash my face with cold water. It doesn't help me, but at least, I'm not all sweaty. When I get out of the room, Jason is waiting for me. I've never seen him looking that worried. He really seems to be worried. About who? I have no idea. "Has Liam done something?" I immediately ask. I don't know what else it could be. Jason shakes his head. "You'll be careful, Jessyka, won't you?" he says.

And before I can understand what's happening, he's pulling me closer to him and he's sticking me between his body and the wall. I have no way out. I'm panicking. What's happening? He's got to be kidding me. "I'd die if you didn't come back," he whispers in my ear. All of this just seem to be a really bad joke. Jason can't like me. I've never talked to him. I've barely seen him in my entire life. Yes, we used to fish together—well, together that's a big word—before he won the Games. After that, I've never seen him again until I got reaped for the Games. "Do you know how hard I've worked to convince Liam to help you? He wants to go home so bad too. You'll have great enemies out there. At least, he's okay to keep helping you."

I can't listen to a word he's saying. His lips are like one inch away from mine and they're like calling my name. I look up and our eyes meet. I can't tell if he's playing with me or not. I gently push Jason back. It would be useless to think about his 'feelings' for me since I'm going to die in probably a few minutes. "Stop messing around with my head, I already have plenty of things to think about, I don't have time for this," I tell him.

I walk away. I need to talk with Liam. "You won't find him. It's time to go in the arena, Jessyka. It's time. You need to come with me, I'll show you the way." Jason says.

His voice hasn't changed. _Stop thinking about it, he's probably playing, as always. _Must be that. I follow him as he leads me until the room where I'll be going in the arena. There's only a tube. It's made of glass, probably and it's colorless. "You just need to get inside this and it'll bring you into the arena," he explains.

I nod and walk to the tube. It's opened so I get in it easily. Before I can go in it, Jason takes my hand and he pulls me closer to him. His eyes are looking into mine. _He's acting. _He's got to be. Before I can ask him to let go of me, he leans down on me and kisses my lips. It's a quick kiss—actually, my first one—and five seconds later, it's over. He lets go of my hand and nicely pushes me into the tube. The door closes and I can't get out. I'm still shocked about what he's done. He's acting. He has to. I can't take my eyes off of him. I have to when I can't see him anymore. Meanwhile, he's staring at me until he can't see me. _I'll never know if he was acting or not. _But, the wink he does makes me think that it was all for the Games. Maybe to get me more sponsors, maybe to try to destabilize me, I have no idea, but it's working. _This is the last thing I fucking needed, what is wrong with everyone? _

I stop thinking about it because it's useless and because I'm in the arena. I quickly spot Liam and he nods, confirming he's seen me and he's still agreed. He's not forgotten our agreement. I look around. It looks like the desert, or what I suppose would be that. There is sand, sand everywhere. Some palms are there. I count in about ten of them. It's not a lot. There are sand dunes everywhere. It will be impossible to find our way back because the sand will erase our footprints. I'm panicking even more. What the heck is this? We will die because there is no water! I don't want to die like this. _The real danger_, I think, _is what's behind the dunes_. Because you can't see until you get on the top. Far away, I can see what I think looks like a forest. Not a desert one, a real one. I have no idea how these two things can be together, but I don't ask myself anymore questions. There will be water in there. I glance at Liam. He's facing me. I indicate him the direction and he nods. Since I've done it really discretely, no one has seen. I think. I look around again. There is no place to hide. Absolutely none and running in the sand is really hard. I've had years of practice, but it's not easy. It'll be a challenge for everyone else. Sixty seconds, that's how long we've got to wait. I think it's the longest minute of my entire existence. Sixty seconds. Fifty now. I've got forty-five seconds to decide whether I'm going in the Cornucopia to grab a bag and a weapon or if—forty seconds—I'm going to run right toward the forest. I can't estimate how far it is. So I don't know if I'll make it fast enough. Thirty seconds. My hands are sweaty and I'm nervous. Everyone is nervous and it just gets to me, like I could feel it or something weird like that. Twenty-five. What should I do? I try to catch Liam's eyes but he's looking right at the Cornucopia and I know what he'll do. He'll try to grab a bag or a weapon or anything he can before running. I know I should do it too. Fifteen seconds. But what if I get kill while doing it? _Stop freaking out, it won't do any good. _I take a deep breath and try to focus on something else. Like, how the heck am I going to recognize my enemies? I've never seen them before. They could be anyone. They really could. But they must look a bit like their parents, which could help me. But I'm not quite good at matching kids with their parents. I've never been. It may be harder than I expected. Six seconds. Five. Four. Three. I've got to make a decision! Two. I'm going to run. One.

It's time! Everyone's rushing to the Cornucopia except for a small boy that chose to run to the forest, I guess—there's no where else he could run to. Then, I lose count of who's ran and who's still there. A quick look around tells me I still haven't move and I'm the only one still standing on the pedestal I've been put on. I jump off it and my feet touch the ground. It's unstable. Like I'm going to sink before I can run. I've got to hurry. I've lost Liam and I can't look for him. I gotta hurry. I quickly run to the Cornucopia. I don't have time to identify people's face. Some of them are already fighting to death. I need to grab a bag. There's one right on my way. I run toward it as fast as I can. Someone yells behind me—or was it beside—and I turn my head. Bad idea, really bad idea. I've stopped running and someone is coming to kill me. I'm facing death for once in my life and I'm not really scared. It's a boy and he looks mad. He's holding knifes—tons of—and he pitches one towards me. I start running, trying to avoid him. I grab the bag I've spotted and I begin to run towards the forest. Two people are following me and they've got weapons. They run fast. Faster than I expected. My legs can't do it anymore. They're burning. But I need to keep going. My lungs are going to explode, they're burning too. But I close my eyes and keep running. I don't have any other choice. I hope Liam made it too. Then, I open my eyes after hearing a scream. It's too late. A knife immediately sink in my leg. I yell. It feels like a cold shower. I drop the bag on the ground, two hands on my wounded leg. Tears are coming out of my eyes even if I haven't allowed them to. I can hear someone's breathing near me. He's going to kill me. That's it. I'm dead. _Hopefully, it'll be quick. _Blood stains the sand. It makes like a little red river all around me. Then, I hear a scream. It stops all of a sudden, just like it started. Then, I see a friendly hand, offered to mine. I just have to take it. I look up, wondering who the heck would help me, and I see a little girl. She seems so young, it's just unbelievable. She's got her hair braided and her hair is dark brown. She doesn't smile, and she's aware of danger, she's looking all around her. "Come on," she says, "Quickly. Get up, run or you'll get kill. Come with me. Come on."

I'm too surprised to refuse or to try to kill her. It'll be harder than I expected. How can I kill a little girl? She must be something like thirteen. I get up on my feet. Behind me, war is raging on. _I hope Liam made it. _I grab the bag I dropped on the ground and start walking behind her. Well, I'm trying to walk but it's not really effective. Plus, we both really need to hurry up if we don't want anyone else to catch up with us. We are couple feet away from where the real war is raging on, but still, it's not hard for them to shoot us with any weapon they have. The little girl looks at me, like she's scared I may actually kill her. I could, but I don't have the strength to do it. I'm weak. Maybe I deserved that 4 after all...

* * *

_I realize that I've never taken the time to thank the few people that have posted a review. I'm taking the time now, I think it's really important. _

_**atlaluver**: I want to thank you for your review, it really made me smile. I'm really glad you like the characters and that you like my ideas, I'm trying to keep up the good work here! Thanks for reading me, you've actually been the first one to review this story so I don't think I can thank you enough! _

_**WildCroconaw: **Thanks to you as well! I'm sort of happy that this twist hasn't been used yet. Lucky it's new stuff, right? :) Thanks for reading, hope you still like it! _


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

She may be young, she may be petite, she may be little but she's fast and smart. Plus, she's agile. I've slowly followed her for a while, trying not to die or to fall. My wounded leg is hurting really bad. She knows it and that's why she's helping me walking. I'm being helped by a kiddo. How loser is this? But I don't say it out loud. I just keep walking, trying to focus. The forest wasn't as far as I expected. It's actually quite close. But it's not a forest. It looks just like a city. A rich city. Some kind of District Panem would never have. There is buildings and they're quite high. The city looks beautiful. But, as soon as we are getting close to it, its beauty fades, like it actually never existed and now, the 'city' looks just like a poor District would. It looks just like mine, actually. But I'm guessing all the District looks the same, except maybe for District 1 and 2, cause they're the Capitol's favorite. Why would they build something like that here? It's useless. The young girl beside me has the same reaction than me. "What is this? It looks like ..."

"Like home," I say, "I know."

She nods. It's weird because no one has reached that … weird town apart from us. Tributes should have by now. We haven't been that fast. It's unthinkable that we are the only survivors. "Do you think..." she begins to ask. Then, she shakes her head and keeps walking.

"I don't know," I tell her. I've guessed what she wanted to ask me. "I hope not."

She stops and glances at me. Then she takes a look at my leg. "It won't be that bad. Let's just find a place to rest."

"Why are you helping me?" I ask her. "I'm hurt and useless. You'd be better off without me, I'm telling you."

If she leaves me alone, maybe someone else will kill her so I won't have to do it myself. The girl stares at me. "I don't want to do this alone," she reveals, "And … I've figured you'd be great company."

"How can you know? I could be a backstabber."

She smiles and her smile reminds me of someone I've already seen. She gets closer to me and she whispers in my ear, "I know who you are. My mom said I could count on you. She said I'd recognize you because of this." She points my neck. Immediately, my hand reaches for my necklace. I take it out and show it to her. Then, she nods. "This. My mom said I can trust you if you're the one that got this." She keeps whispering like she was afraid someone could hear us. Yes, the Capitol could. If they want to hear, whispering won't help.

It's a necklace my father made for me before I was born. When he was still alive. When … I swallow back my tears and my anger. I need to focus on something more important like … how the heck can that girl know I've got this? I've never told anyone. I've made a duty not to touch it so no one would take it off from me. I couldn't have gone into the arena without it. I don't go anywhere without it. It's like the girl has felt my confusion because she's already walking and she's dragging me with her. "I'm from District 7," she tells me a bit louder than she talks so low that I have hard time trying to understand what she says, "I'm Johanna's daughter. She said I could count on Finnick's daughter. And she said you would be wearing that necklace." She's not talking loud. So, it would be bad for us if the Capitol knew we know each other's identity.

Johanna's daughter. I've never thought she'd be that young. I've never thought she would come to me for help. I can't help her. "Come on, quickly before someone catches up with us."

I follow her and don't ask any question. I've got too many to ask. She finds an empty building, it looks like my house, actually. And we settle in. There is windows so we should be able to see people if they're coming. The little girl makes me sit on the chair, the only one in the room that looks a bit too much like the only chair in my house. She takes the bag she's got and mine and looks through it. "Let's see what we've got." We've got rope. So she tied it up around my leg to try to stop the bleeding. It hurts, I'm wincing, but I'll be all right. I still haven't heard any noise and still got no news from Liam. I wonder where he is. "They will probably show who died soon," the girl says.

I nod. "What's your name?" I ask her. I talk louder because it's no secret her name. Technically, I have no idea how the rebel's children are called.

"I'm Silver," she answers, "And I know you're Jessyka." she adds lowering her voice.

I'm a bit confused. "How can you know my name? No one was supposed to know," I tell her, talking as low as she does.

"Finnick had told her how he'd call his baby if it was a girl. Since you're a girl and you've got the necklace, I'm assuming your name is Jessyka. Tell me if I'm wrong."

"You're not wrong," I say and then I speak louder, "I'm Jessyka. Nice to meet you."

I'm still on my guard because I don't know if she's telling the truth. She could just kill me right now. I'm wounded, the weapons are near her and I'm defenseless. I'll be easy to kill. She has probably noticed I've got that thought because she takes a step back from the weapons and pushes them between us two. "Is it better that way?" she asks.

I just nod. "It's not that I think you'll kill me. I just don't ..."

"You just don't trust me," she says, "I get it. It's normal, you have no reason to."

I slowly nod. It's been a while I haven't heard any canon. I get up, ignoring Silver's protestations and look through the window. I need to know if Liam died. I hope my leg will be all right. Jason is probably freaking out right now because no one wants to sponsor me. I knew that when I got into the arena. I look at the girl for a second, waiting for the names of the dead tributes to be called. "You know I've got the lamest score out of twenty-four, do you? That could be bad for your sponsors," I tell her.

A slight smile appears on her face. She looks up at me and comes beside me, looking through the window as well. "I've got a 9," she says, "And my District knows my skills. I'm not worried about that. Besides, my mom will find something."

I don't know if mine will. It's like she's reading my thoughts because she immediately talks about my mom. "Don't worry about An... your mom," she says, "She'll be just fine." She almost sold us out by saying my mother's name. I've got to fix it.

"How can you know?" I replicate coldly. "She's got no one left. No one to protect her."

Her look seems a bit panicked and I'm trying to tell her to shut up before she gets both of us killed. She doesn't have time to speak. The dead tributes in the air has appeared. I'm anxiously looking. I don't know if Silver's worried about the boy of her District. She seems a bit uninterested to me. I don't mind. I can handle worrying on my own. It starts. No dead for District 1 or 2. Both tributes from District 3 has passed out. There's no District 4. I'm feeling relieved. Liam's still alive. _But for how long? _I'll find him. The girl from District 5, the boy from District 6 and the girl … and it goes on. At the end, I stay at the window, still staring at the sky even if it's over. Then, Silver touches my arm. "He's not dead."

I look at her, angrily. "What?"

"The boy from your District. He's still alive."

"I know." I say. For a second I thought she knew my dirty little secret. "But the boy from your District is dead."

She shrugs. "Stuff happens." That's her only answer. I don't know if I could say it if Liam had been killed. She looks at my expression and she smiles. "All right, I get it. We'll chase the boy once your leg is okay."

I don't want her to think I really do care about him, so I shake my head. "No need. He shall be all right on his own. We've got stuff to do."

She doesn't replicate anything but her eyes say it all. She thinks I'm in love. Jeez, if I were I wouldn't mind these eyes, but I'm not, so I do. But I don't say anything. _Let the girl think whatever she wants. It doesn't matter. _It really doesn't. I realize that I'm hungry. "Where do you think everyone go?" she asks me.

As if I knew. "I have no clue," I tell her, "I'm guessing Career tributes are together as one, as always. And the other ones are hiding, just like us."

"They're coming, that's for sure," she says, "Let's find something to eat before they find us."

I nod. I know how to fish, but there's no water. My leg is doing better. I still have issues running, but as long as I'm walking I should be fine. I don't want to show the whole Panem world how much it actually does hurt. Now, my District may really think I'm weak. They've got no clue how strong I am. That's why I keep walking, looking for water. I've taken a knife with me, even if I've never really used one except when I fished. Silver has gone for food, and I've gone for water. I'm usually good at finding water, but it looks like there's no water around here. And it's silence. Dead silence. I should be worry, and I am. I feel like something's going to happen. It has to. Lonely tribute, easiest target. But in a way, that wouldn't fun if I just died because the Capitol has drop a bomb on my head, so I should be safe. Should be, doesn't mean I will. I keep walking, looking for water. If I don't find water soon, it won't be good. I look left and see a weird shadow. Before I can get what it is, it moves and jumps on me. Before I can understand what's happening to me, it's on top of me, and keeps me from moving. Adrenalin comes into my body and I'm trying to move. I've lost the knife. I keep looking for it, panicking, trying to get rid of whoever is on me. But I'm not strong enough. Whoever it is, he's strong. Stronger. I doubt it's a girl because he's too muscular. Then, I notice the knife. But so does my enemy. He grabs it before I can do it and before he can do anything with it, he falls on me, an arrow in the back.

* * *

To **Mockingjayflying: **There it is! :)

Again, thank you so much for reading. I wouldn't mind feedback as well (: The next chapter is for really really soon (I actually have already written it!) xx


	10. Chapter 9

**Hi! Here's the next chapter!**

* * *

It takes me more than ten seconds to understand what has happened. The boy on me—because it's a boy—has dropped the knife and he's on me, dead. Suddenly freaking out, I push him on the ground, hurrying up to get away from him. I get up quickly. My leg hurts a bit. I look in front of me, trying to see who just shot that arrow. It's a boy. Another one. And here I am, weaponless and I'm vulnerable. I've got no where to run to. I can't see his face, but I know it's not Liam—I don't even know why I'm thinking of him right now. He doesn't know how to use a bow. I see him quickly coming to get me. I have two options. Run and maybe stay alive or stay still and let him kill me. I don't know if I have the strength to run. The dead guy fell on my wounded leg. But, on the other hand, I can't let the pain keep me from doing what I came here to do, I can't let it keep me from knowing if Liam's safe. But it would be so much easier to just give up and pray—or something similar—that my targets will both die. Suddenly, I've made my decision. I turn away from the boy even if it's probably not the best idea and I start to run. I need to warn Silver before he gets her too. I can hear the boy running behind me. He's going to catch up with me. There's no way I can escape. I'm trying to run as fast as possible. "Wait up!" his voice shouts.

As if I'm going to stop and wait for him to kill me. Even though he could have just shot me in the back. I wonder why he still hasn't. I'm not that hard to get, really not. I keep running and then, I don't know what's happening, but the first thing I know is that I'm on the ground. I've fell. I try to get up, but a hand suddenly reaches my shoulder and pushes me back on the ground. That's it, I'm done. _Liam, _I think, _I had to keep him safe. _I try to escape, but he steps on my wounded leg and I scream because it freaking hurts. _I'm sorry, Liam, _I apologize, hoping he could understand. And then, I'm waiting for him to kill me.

But, another voice is heard, "Let her go!" That's Silver.

"Run!" I shout at her. Suddenly, I feel something's wrong. The boy's foot is no longer on my leg and his hand is no longer on my shoulder. I'm free to go. My face is dirty with mud and I look up. Silver's coming. She's got no weapon. What the hell is she doing? I want to get up, but my leg doesn't seem to want to move anymore. I look at Silver. She acts like she hasn't heard me. She doesn't even look scared! She's there. She looks at me and gives me her hand. I take it, clueless. I'm clueless and I hate it.

"What are you doing?" I tell her. "Run!" I yell. "Let me handle him, so you have time to go. Now! Quickly! Go!" This is a really stupid thing to tell her because the guy is like inches away.

She still doesn't move. Then, she laughs. When I turn to challenge the boy, he's gone. Now, I don't understand anything. I hate it. "Your face is hilarious," she says.

I push her angrily and start to head back to the "house" we've chosen. She catches up with me. "Come on, don't be mad," she says.

"What happened?" I ask her. "Why didn't he kill me? He could have. I was defenseless."

She shrugs. "Lucky I was there."

"Why?"

"He owed me. Now he doesn't, so I suggest you to be more careful next time," she explains.

"He owed you? What do you mean?"

"I saved his life, earlier, during the bloodbath," she says. "So now he saved yours because we're allies." The word sounds weird. I don't know if I want to be ally with her anymore. It feels like she's hiding too many things. _And you aren't? _

"Sorry," I say, choosing purposefully to keep my mouth shut about what she just told me. "I didn't find water." That's the last thing I tell her before getting into the house. She's found some food and we share it. I stay in silent all night. I don't really sleep. I'm haunted by the boy. I don't believe Silver when she said she saved his life. She saved mine, that's for sure, so I owe the girl too. That's why, maybe I'm not gone yet. _Or maybe you just like her company. _Not being alone keeps me from being insane. I feel like I could fall into it in a second.

I turn around; Silver's sleeping. I could say she really trusts me if I hadn't seen the knife, in her hand. She's holding it like it's gold. I should really sleep, but I can't. I hear a noise. I get up as quickly as possible. My leg is still hurting me, but there's nothing I can do about it. The noise came from the stairs. That's the only thing different from my real house. There's no stairs in my house. The noise sounds like someone crying. I climb up the stairs, slowly, not knowing what's waiting for me up there. One thing I'm absolutely positive: I have to see what's going on. There's four doors up there. A small corridor and that's it. No decoration, no nothing. That looks way too much like my house. Even the walls are the same. Three doors out of four are closed and locked. I put my hand on the only one that's opened. Someone's crying behind that door. It may be a trap. It may. But if it's not, who's crying? And why the hell didn't I hear him or her getting there? I haven't sleep, which is weird, and no one has came by, that I'm sure. I take my knife and prepare myself to use it if danger's hidden behind the door. And then, I open it. I get in the room quickly and look around as fast as I can. What I see almost makes me drop the knife I'm holding. There's a little bed in the corner of the room. It looks like my mom's. And there's a girl, more of a woman, crying in front of it. She's on her knees, like she was praying and she stopped because she couldn't swallow her tears anymore. What hits me is that the woman looks like someone I know. Too much. Something's wrong, I can tell. "Hey, are you all right?" I ask because there is obviously no one that old in here. Because she obviously looks like she's older than eighteen. Because she shouldn't be here, no one should.

I don't get any answer. The girl keeps crying, like no one's in there. But I am. I take a step forward to her. And another one. Next thing I know is that I can touch her shoulder. "Hey, you hear me?" I ask again.

Still no answer. I can't stand the silence anymore and I touch the girl's shoulder and turn her so she can face me. Her face will haunt me forever. "Mom? What are you doing here?" I say.

I'm shocked. She can't truly be here. She's facing me, but it's like I'm not there. She gets up and her face is wet with tears. She sits down on her bed and I sit right next to her. I take her hand. I don't know what's happening, but I have to fix it. I have to make her happy again. She can't cry again. She can't be here either. Something's wrong. "Mom, it's me, Jessyka, don't you remember?"

"Jessyka?" she says like I'm going insane. "You can't be her, she died long time ago."

That's when I realize my mom's face is older than the one I remember. She got older. Which means the Games are over. How can they be over? Am I dead? Did the boy finally kill me? Or did Silver have? Did I finally fall asleep? What happened?

"I'm not dead, Mom, I'm right here! Look at me, I'm here. We're together. It's going to be all right," I tell her.

She shakes her head. "Don't. Before they killed her, she told me to trust no one. She said people would try to make me believe them. Finnick told me the same thing before they killed him too. I don't know who you are or why you're here, but leave me alone," she whispers.

I don't get a thing about what she's saying. Then, the door smashes on the wall. Peacekeepers are coming into the room. There's dozen of them. I get up, wondering what I can possibly do to save her. But they walk like I'm not even there. I can't grip them, my hand can't touch anything. I can't stop them. I don't think it's possible to panic even more than I did before, but I do. They're coming to get my mom, they're going to hurt her. But she doesn't scream. I look at her and I know she's gone again. They take her body and even if I try to grab it, even if I try to stop them with the knife or with my hands, nothing's working. I'm helpless. There's nothing I can do. I run, I cry, I yell. And then, suddenly, the room changes and it turns into a dark room I've never seen. I turn around and see my mother. She's in a cell and a guy's behind her with a whip. She's screaming every time he hits her. I can't take it anymore. "Stop it! Please, stop it! Take me instead!" I yell.

But he doesn't stop and she doesn't quit screaming. Her back is nothing but blood. How can they do that to her? I run to the cell and am stopped by the bars. I shake them as hard as I can, but they don't move and I only end up getting hurt. Suddenly, the guy stops. He takes a step back and looks at my mom's body. It doesn't move. "Mom! Mom! Please, be alive!" I yell, but no one hears me. Not even her and she still hasn't moved. I try to reach her, but I can't. I'm almost there, though. Then, a hand lays down on my shoulder. I jump and scream. I turn around, there's no one. My mother's still not moving and the guy's still looking at her with creepy eyes, but now he's looking at me. Right into my eyes like he can see me. "You," he says. "Yes, you. See, this is what's going to happen when the Games will be over. You don't want that to happen to your mom, do you? Guess who won. Guess who betrayed you."

"The Games can't be over. They have barely started. Shut up and leave my mom alone."

He takes a step forward to me and kicks my mom's body. Her eyes are closed in pain. Something in my head tells me that she's gone for good. I shake my head. This has to be some sort of nightmare. She can't be gone. "That's where you're all wrong. If you don't move your ass, it'll happen. Want to know who did this to her?"

I shake my head. "I know you do. You can still save her. You can."

I look up at him. I can't see his face even if he's not hiding it. I can only see the darkness of his eyes. "Tell me," I say because at this precise moment, there is nothing I wouldn't do to make sure that my mother will still be safe, even after the Games. I don't know if this is a joke, but it can't be. It feels too real to be one. It feels like I'm seeing what's truly going to happen if I don't move my butt and get to work. And even if this isn't going to happen, maybe I can help, maybe I can make sure that this will never happen to her.

He smiles. "I knew you'd make the right decision." He takes a deep breath, just like he wants me to crave for his answer. "That girl you've met. Silver. She's going to win. She's fooled you."

Silver? She did nothing but save my life twice. "You don't believe me, do you?"

I shake my head. "I don't. She's just a little girl."

"Check this out," he says. Then, my mom's body disappears as well as the cell and I'm back in some District. I'm guessing it's District 7 if Silver has won. And there she is, smiling. This is too real to be false. "Lucky I've fooled that girl from 4. She took the last shot destined to kill me. I shall remain grateful to her."

Then her faces goes into some weird smile and she winces. "Whatever. She's not there anymore. She had just what she deserved. Dead like her father. Clueless like the Mockingjay and as insane as her mother."

And then, the scene is over and I'm back into the "house." My mom's not there. And I can see Silver's still asleep. Was it a dream? I can't be sure. Silver. Why would she betray me like that? Our parents were close. Can she really be a backstabber? _You don't really know her, _I remind myself. True, I don't. But backstabber is not the first impression I got from her. _Since when did you become an expert? _

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. It's shaking me. Then, I open up my eyes and realize that I've fell asleep. What? A dream in a dream? What the heck … I quickly get up, suddenly suspicious about Silver 'cause she was shaking me. I push her hand. I take a look around. She's been up for a while. "Don't touch me," I tell her.

She frowns. "What? You were just screaming, so we thought we should ..."

"We?" I exclaim.

She looks down. Then, coming out from the shadows, there's that boy. The one that supposedly owed Silver and that tried to kill me. I instinctively take out my knife. He puts both his hand up in the air. "I'm not here as an enemy," he claims.

I don't know if I can trust him and I don't have time to think that. "Jessyka, wait. He's with us," Silver says.

I turn to her, still holding on to my knife. I'm not planning on dropping it anytime soon. "You mean he's with you. I know what you want to do. Stay away from me."

I grab my bag and leave the room. The boy runs after me even if I clearly hear Silver telling him not to. He touches my arm and I look at him, still holding the knife. "Take one more step forward and you're a dead man," I tell him.

He takes a step back. "I'm not lying. Silver's your friend. She's told me about you."

"What did she say?"

"She said you were great company." I wonder if she's told him about who I truly am. I wonder if he knows who she truly is as well. I look at him in the eyes and for a second, I feel like I know that look, but the feeling goes away as fast as it came.

"Yeah, well, she got you now. I'm not playing along with her silly little games. I know what she wants to do." I don't even know why I keep talking to him. It's useless. I should just run before Silver gets out and tries to kill me.

"You're wrong to do it, you know. She really wants to be your friend." I suddenly feel a wave of anger rising into my entire body. What the hell is wrong with these people? Don't they get the point of the Games? Don't they understand that only one of us is going to survive? Don't they get it? Haven't they understood that helping someone means—maybe—helping the one who's going to be the death of us.

"Don't you get it? No one is your friend in here. The only one you can trust is yourself," I say.

"Is that why you've been looking for District 4 boy so hard?" he replies back.

Ouch. Take that. I look away. "Why do you bother talking to me?" I ask him. "It's not going to help one of us. Just … Just keep her safe, will you?"

That guy that talked to me in my dream or whatever it was made me doubt her. If he was lying, I would have give up on a friend for nothing. If he's not, he just saved my life. I think it's better if I'm away from her. That way, I don't hurt her and she doesn't hurt me. Now, I can keep looking for Liam.

"I will," he promises. "I'm not a backstabber." But at some point, you will have to, I think.

"I've heard that before." I say.

He smiles a little, but there's no joy in it. "Didn't mean to kill Silver's ally."

"Not anymore," I say. "You can kill me anytime from now on."

He looks at me and for once, I can't tell if he's willing to do it or not. I can't tell if he's going to let me have a step ahead of him or if he's going to take me down, here, right now, at this precise moment.

* * *

**I want to thank the people that have left a review. **

** 97: Thank you so much, I hope you still like it.**

**GirlWithSpark: Well, there it is! And thank you.**

**JuJuBee97: And don't you worry, I had understood what you meant. There you go! **

**I hope that I won't take as long to post the next chapter which is already written! xx**


	11. Chapter 10

**There you go! Hope you like it and that I didn't make you wait too long! And a review is always nice to read! :)**

* * *

"I'm not going to kill you," he tells me. "But you better watch out." What he actually means is that he's not going to kill me … yet. He clearly has no intention of spearing my life, whatsoever.

He takes a step forward and looks at me, straight into the eyes. "You should watch your ass," I replicate. There is one thing I hate and it is threat. I have never been good with this. I always knew I was under the threat of dying because I was Finnick's daughter and because he supported the rebellion. I have always known it and … see where I am now. In the arena, willing to kill whoever will cross my path—if it's to slow me down—to achieve my ultimate goal: the Mellark—or Everdeen, I don't know—kids. "I'm quite good at throwing knifes."

He smiles a little, but it isn't because he thinks I am funny. It's only because he now sees me as a challenge. He'll know I'm not going to let him just kill me without doing anything. I'll fight back. "You know the Capitol won't like it. Us being all allies." Allies. What is he talking about? We clearly are not allies. What is going on between us isn't an alliance, it's … I couldn't even tell what it is because I have no clue what's going on in this boy's mind.

"I am very much aware of that. But they all know that in the end, there's no alliance," I say. It's what they love the most. Seeing alliances. Because in the end, when the alliance is the only one standing, they have to see people that were once "friends" turning on each other in order to win.

He nods. "You better run, before I change my mind."

I nod, too, and the second after that, I'm gone. Now, I'm on my own. I need to look for Liam or to find some place where I can rest, because my leg is still killing me. I can't help but think about what the boy has said. It felt like he was trying to give me a message, which I didn't get. But, I mean, no one actually lets you go. No one lets you go alive. It doesn't make any sense. And I don't buy the Silver thing. He can't owe her that much. I mean, the girl just saved his life and, the Games are basically about backstabbing people. You don't care if someone saved your ass. You just want to get out alive. There's something wrong about it and I just can't get what.

I don't know for how long I've been walking—surprisingly long, although. I've been trying to get as far as possible from Silver and the boy. _He hasn't even told me his name. _Not that it actually matters. It's been not even a day I'm here and things are just so messy.

I suddenly look up. It's silence. Not a noise. I quickly look all around me. Nothing. I take out my knife, deciding that a little protection cannot hurt … unless someone attacks me. I'm feeling watched. Like someone's hiding and watching me. It freaks me out. I hate being watched, I hate the feeling I get whenever I think someone is spying on me. It's even worse now that I know I've got no where to run to and that I can't really hide. There's no house around. There are trees, though, where I shall probably spend the rest of the night. I hear a noise at my left and turn around, holding on to the knife so tightly. I make so much noise when I walk, it's unbelievable. I try not to, but I don't move as lightly as Silver, or anyone else I know. Weakness. Another one. I'm making way too much noise. I'll be easy to follow. Easy to kill with my wounded leg. Why the hell did I get out of the house? Why the heck did I get so far away? Could have stopped by a house. But of course, I didn't do it. Because I always make the wrong decision. _It doesn't matter. _I'm losing my focus, and I'm feeling sleepy. What's happening? Another joke from the Capitol? Then, out of no where, comes an arrow, inches from my face—but still, too close—as fast as lightning. I barely have time to start running that I'm falling on the ground and someone's already on top of me. Whoever it is, I don't have time to try to recognize him—or her. I've dropped my knife and it's too far, I can't reach it. The person on top of me has taken her—or his—own knife out and I'm pulling her—or his—hand away. It's probably a boy, because his hair is short—but still, a girl can shave her hair. He's strong—which makes me think it would most likely be a boy. He kicks my ribs a couple of time. I try to kick him with my legs but it's pretty useless. _Now Silver's not here to save you, dumb ass! _I keep telling myself to shut up, while I'm trying to get rid of the guy. But he really got me stuck between his legs—no sexual thoughts on this—and I can't escape. For now, I still keep his knife away from my face or my heart or anything else that could hurt, but I won't be able to resist for a long time. I have to do something even if it's the dumbest thing I'll ever do. It feels like I cannot think, I cannot see anything, but the knife, pointed at my face, threatening to open up my neck. Suddenly, I try to get up. I knew it'd fail, but the guy has lost control of his knife, surprised by my movement. He struggles a little to grab it and while he does, he's not focused on me. _It's not or never, _I tell myself and I don't waste anymore time thinking, I just go. I take his hand and try to drive the knife through his heart. He's falling on the ground, which allows me to get up and now I'm on top of him. I don't know how I've done it, but I have. And now, now that he's on the ground and defenseless—well almost because he's still holding the knife—I recognize him and surprise paralyzes me, wondering what he's doing, wondering if I will make a mistake by spearing him or if I will by killing him. I stop trying to kill him, deciding that I will not do it and I get up. But if I have recognized him, he hasn't and I still wonder why. So, when I get up, he takes his chance and just throws the knife at me. I see it flying in the air and I yell when it easily goes right into my ribs. Pain's cold. I fall to the ground, again. I'm feeling weak. I should be able to get up and take if off and walk away. But I can't. I cannot. It just feels like time has stopped, Earth has stopped moving and that there is only me, and this feeling of cold, overcoming my entire body.

And then, I hear him apologizing, confused, scared, fearfulness. "Oh, my gosh, I hadn't recognized you! Are you okay?" he asks, panicked when he finally realizes his mistake.

I push him away, get up and turn around. I close my eyes for a second and put my hands around the knife. I need to get it out of there. But if I do it, I may die because I'll have no blood left. I don't know what to do. I can't see clearly. It feels exactly like the first time. I trip on a rock and fall again on the ground. I scream again. Hands reach my waist and someone lifts me up. "You'll be all right," he murmurs in my ear. I want to believe him so badly, but already, I have hard time trying to focus. But I fight with all that's left of strength inside of me to stay awake. I know I'll eventually lose the fight, but I can't give up. Not now. My eyes won't stay open even if I put all my efforts in it. I finally stop holding on and decide to trust the one person I know I shouldn't be trusting.

I think I'm dreaming. I'm not sure. Silver's there. So is my mother. And so is my father. Because my father's there, I'm wondering if that means we're all dead. I can't move. It's like my feet are stuck on the ground. "You can try as hard as you want," my mother says. "You won't move."

"Mom, what's happening?" I ask her.

Her voice is calm and her eyes are shining, like they never have before. She's holding my dad's hand and he's looking at her like she's the only one he can see.

"Am I dead?" I ask again, since no one is paying attention to me.

None of them is looking at me. It's so frustrating. I can't hold that anger anymore and I start yelling at them, but they don't look at me. It's like they don't hear me—or they don't want to, I can't tell. What is wrong with them? Or is it me? I don't know what to think anymore. Is it another mind trick from the Capitol? Am I hallucinating? That could be an option because there's no way my mom is in the same room than my dad. And Silver. What is she doing here? Her eyes cross mine and they lock. She walks toward me. "Are you dead?" I ask her.

"I'm not dead. Not that I know," she answers. "But you'll be if he doesn't find something to help you."

"He? Who's he?" I say.

"I thought you would've known by now," she laughs. She doesn't answer to my questions and she leaves. Just like a ghost or what I suppose would look like a ghost.

"Don't be scared," my mother suddenly says. "You're safe here."

"Safe? She just told me I'm dying!" I reply. And I can't forget what I saw in the house, when I was asleep. I can't forget how my mother was, being beaten up to death. I can't forget what the guy told me, that Silver would betray me. Did she just betray me? Is it why I'm dying?

She smiles—don't know how she can actually be smiling knowing that I'll die. "You won't, honey. I've made sure you don't die."

I frown. How did she do it? There's no way she paid someone to, we have no money. Well, we had what was left of Finnick's inheritance from the Capitol but that has flown away long time ago. Now, we have nothing … except for the few coins I can bring back home, whenever I get lucky. Besides, no one would want to make a deal with the mad woman from District 4. I don't know what she's done, but I'm sure there will be huge consequences. "Mom …," I begin.

She doesn't let me finish. "Hush, hush, my little one. You must be exhausted."

I frown even more. "What's wrong? You never say things like that."

"That's because of me," another voice suddenly says.

A voice I have never heard before. My father's. I turn to him, looking into his sea green eyes. He really does have beautiful eyes. He looks like I thought he'd be. The real warrior. Water warrior. I try to smile. It's weird being able to actually speak to my father. I have never dreamed of this. It was just wrong. He couldn't be here. But he was. Weird things were happening here. And I couldn't tell why. His presence didn't bother me. The fact that he was dead wasn't able to get out of my mind.

Suddenly, I hear a noise and my mom looks at Finnick like it's the end of the world. He quickly gets up and takes her hand and walks toward me. There is definitely something wrong because I am not even surprised to see him. "Look, we don't have time for wishes or anything else. I know you don't trust anyone."

"No one can be trusted. I thought you knew this more than anyone else." But he didn't. Because he trusted Katniss Everdeen, he wasn't here anymore. Because he trusted her, because he believed in her, he's not here with me. He didn't hold my hand to tell me that everything would be all right, that I could make it. He's never told me anything. And now, for the first time, I can see him, and I don't feel that excited. I just feel like something's wrong, that he shouldn't tell me what he's going to say. Maybe none of this is true. I should be careful.

"I do," he agrees. "I do. That's why I want to warn you. Jessyka, I've been watching you ever since you were just a little baby. I know what you're planning on doing here."

Another noise is heard and it's louder. Louder. Always louder. I look around. There are no walls literally speaking, because I can see right through them. But still, there is nothing to see, it's like … what I see outside is what I would see if I walked around my house. It is the same exact landscape, but yet, when I put my hand to touch the leafs, I am stopped by a wooden wall. Even if they don't look like real walls, it seems to me like they're going to be destroyed. I still can't move. Finnick looks around as well and then straight into my eyes. "Don't do it, Jessyka. They need you. Trust Johanna's girl. Maybe Katniss has failed but you can do it."

I don't want to believe what I can hear. I will not trust Johanna's girl, Silver. Nor will I follow Katniss's path. "You're kidding me?" I say. "I will never forgive her for what she's done. She has to pay. One way or another. And this is the only way I've found."

"She had nothing to do with my death and deep down, you know it too. I knew I could die when I started to fight for freedom. She could have died too."

"Only she didn't. She let you die!" I yell. "Tell me she didn't let you die. Tell me she tried to save you! She didn't do any of it! She let you die like the coward she is, like the bastard she's always been!"

"Don't talk about her like that, you know absolutely nothing about her. Think she let me die? She didn't." He sighs. "Look, we don't have much time left. I know you'll make the right decision."

He doesn't have time to say good-bye and I don't have time to add anything else because my mother and him have disappeared right after his last sentence. And I suddenly open my eyes.

I yell, surprised by the face that's watching me. "Jeez, don't ever do that again!" he says. "You scared the hell outta me."

"Don't do that again either and I won't have to," I say.

He smiles and I roll my eyes before smiling too. "Look who I found. They said they were your friends."

As I'm about to remind him how stupid he has been for trusting people he knew nothing about, I look up and see Silver in a corner of the room and the boy which shuts me up. I wonder what they're doing here. I thought he'd been pretty clear he'd kill me next time our paths would crossed. "I'm not going to kill you," he says. "But don't give me a good reason to, because I won't hesitate." I don't replicate anything because that would be a waste of saliva. Instead, I realize that we have become a group, we're in an alliance and … as much as I'd like to break it, I cannot. Not right now. I need to find out what is truly going on with Silver and her … lover boy, or whatever he is.

I try to get up and realize that my leg isn't hurting anymore. I must look confused. "Liam?" I say, demanding for answers. He's my savior. He saved me. Even if he actually tried to kill me, it didn't matter. I found him. He found me. But now what? We were four, but eventually, we'd have trouble finding food. And eventually, alliance would break. Then what? I don't want to think about it.

* * *

**I would like to thank everyone who has been reading this story so far, it is a pleasure to have you as readers. **

**atlaluver: You are the only one who's reviewed the last chapter and I want to thank you for reading and reviewing, you cannot imagine how glad I am that you do. And I am really happy that you like what I have done so far, I hope you'll keep on liking it. **


	12. Chapter 11

**Here it is! For those of you who cannot wait to see Katniss's children being introduced, I promise you, they'll be revealed soon.**

* * *

More than half of the tributes are dead by now. Probably more than that, I've lost count of them. We were, in fact, probably way less than that—but I don't know because it seems to be the longest Hunger Games ever. Usually, half of the tributes are dead after the bloodbath but it doesn't seem to be the case this time. I don't want to ask Silver because it may sound weird, if I asked to know if District 12 tributes were still there. Plus, Silver's friend doesn't trust me at all. He's always got that look whenever he's staring at me—which he does pretty often—and I can tell he feels confused about me, like he doesn't know what I'll do … or what he'll do.

"We aren't the only ones who made alliances," Silver says. "I bet the Careers have too." Of course they have. They always do. They manage to get together, kill everyone and then … make a pretty good show while the strongest—or the smartest—wins. It's what they have always done and what they are probably doing, now.

"Yeah, we should look out for them. Maybe hunt them down before they find us," Elven suggests. Elven, it's the name of Silver's friend. I say friend because I have no idea how to call him other than that. I wonder if he's from District 11. His name sounds like "eleven."

"And get killed? Without me," Liam replicates. He's still on his guard even if we've spent two days with Elven and Silver. My leg is healed, Liam said he got some medicine for it and I wonder who could have sent it. It's not like I have proven anyone that I was worth the waste of money.

"I have to agree with Elven," I say. "If we don't find them first, they will and we'll be as dead as the mouse we ate earlier."

Elven nods. "If we take them by surprise, that could make all the difference. Better we try than they do." For the first time, we seem to think the same way. I agree on Elven's words. He's got almost the same fighting spirit than I do. I wonder if Katniss's children are with the Careers or if they stand together, somewhere, hidden in the woods or in the sand. I doubt they're dead. If I can convince Liam to move, it'll be a lot easier to try to track them down. That way, it won't look suspicious for Silver or Elven. I don't know if Liam would notice anything, anyway. He never does. He's just been acting a bit weird around me, but that's it. Something's changed. And I can't tell what. I guess we all did, but his look has changed. He doesn't look at me the way he used to.

I've had bad dreams about my father. He always says the same thing. That I should try to forgive Katniss—there is nothing to forgive, nor to forget. Although, his words are just stuck in my mind. I'd never thought he'd be against that idea. I don't even know if I should listen to what he's got to say. It couldn't have been my father since he's dead. If it's not him, to who was I talking to? Maybe that question is the reason why I can't give up yet.

"Okay," Silver agrees. "I'm in."

"Liam?" I ask because it's obvious both Elven and I are in.

He looks at me, unsure. He's never been sure about anything when it comes to me. He's thinking. I'm guessing he's been thinking for the past hours real bad about it. But he's made up his mind. Now he's wondering if he's made the right decision. How can I know all of this? I just read it on his face. It tells me everything I need to know.

"I'm in," he finally says.

I can't help it, but smile. I'd feel more comfortable with him by my side, knowing we'd be equal if Silver and Elven decided to turn their back on us.

"Okay, now we need a plan. I've talked to Oswald before being thrown in here and he suggested a strategy. It's a good one. We just have to make sure it's well done."

The name of Oswald rings bells in my head. I've heard that name somewhere. I just can't remember where. Oswald, that's a common name. I wonder why it troubles me so much. There's something I should understand, but I don't. Like the whole answer has been there the whole time and just won't come out of my head.

"Everyone got it?" Elven asks.

I look up. I've missed the entire plan. I wince when I notice everyone else is nodding. I can't make him say it again, so I nod too. I'll ask Liam the plan later. "Can Jessyka stay with me?" Liam wonders. "I'd rather keep an eye on her."

Silver frowns and Elven seemed interested. "I … Is there something going on between you two?" Silver asks, suspiciously.

I look at Liam, wondering what he's doing. "I don't need to be watched, I can take care of myself, you know it better than anyone else," I tell Liam.

"I know you do," he replicates. "I just …"

Elven smiles and looks straight into Liam's eyes. "You haven't told her yet?"

"Haven't told me what?" I say. I can see darkness seeking into Elven's eyes, something I've never seen before and it kinda freaks me out.

"She didn't know," Liam says. "I've been asked not to tell her."

"Would you both stop talking like everyone else know what you're talking about and go straight to the point? What is going on?" I ask again. "And you better answer before I get really mad. You wouldn't want to see that, I can tell you."

Liam winces and Elven just looks straight into my eyes. He almost seems to enjoy the fact that I'm annoyed because I have no clue of what's going on.

"You won't tell her?" Elven asks. "If you don't, I will. I ain't afraid of saying it. It's not a big deal. You're not the only one who's got family here."

The only word I catch is "family." Liam's got family here. "No, he doesn't, you've got the wrong guy, just shut up and let me deal with him," I groan at Elven. "Liam, talk to me. Tell me what's going on or I swear—"

"Don't swear," he stops me. "I'll tell you."

Silver signs. "Jeez, just tell her. She'll find out eventually and Elven's dying to spill. If you wanna do it your way, just do it now."

Liam nods and turns to look at me. He grabs my hand but I make him let go of me. He can't just take my hand and hope that everything will be okay. I look at him as angrily as I possibly can. He tries to look away, but I don't let him. "Now, Liam. I wanna know now."

I don't want Elven to tell me what's going on. I want to hear it from Liam's mouth. I think I know what he's going to say. He's never told me about it, but everyone knows back in District Four. He's lost a brother when he was younger. Lost, he didn't really lose him, he just ran away. That's what I heard. Or something like that, I can't be sure because my mom has told me the story and … I'm not quite sure about how lucid she was that day. Maybe her mind was gone that day, but from what I can see right now, perhaps her mind wasn't that gone, after all.

"Well, you've probably already heard rumors about it," Liam begins.

I hate it when he's talking that slow. There is no suspense. "Yeah, your dead—or gone—brother?" I say. Can't he just get to the point, already?

He doesn't seem surprised that I know. Of course he doesn't. Like I already said, there are no secrets back in our District. No possibility to keep any kind of secret, unless the Capitol wants to use it against you later, in a meaner way. Better tell everyone yourself than let them use it against you. "Actually, you've been misinformed, it's not a brother, it was a sister," Elven says in such a hurry, it feels like he's truly dying to tell me what Liam doesn't seem to be able to say.

Now it's my turn to frown. A sister. Is Liam trying to tell me his sister is … Silver—or anyone else in here? Maybe a little girl from District 1 … or 2. Maybe she's a Career and that's why he's been so … hesitant about this plan against the Careers tributes. But … that would just be too awkward if Silver was his sister. I mean, they don't even look alike! And even if they did, when would Liam's father find time to sneak out into District 7 to … get together with Johanna? I stare at Liam for a moment, during which he doesn't talk at all. Is he waiting for me to try to figure it out? Because I may already have. Silver's brother? Come on. He doesn't look like her. He's got light hair while hers is dark brown. And her eyes are like brown and his are … His eyes. That's when I realize something. He's got … That can't be possible. It's like time has stopped because what I think I have seen cannot be true. It just can't be. "Tell me you're joking, Liam. Tell me it's a joke," I beg.

It can't be. I'm praying that he'll nod and start to laugh but he doesn't. Instead, he shakes his head. "This is not a joke, Jessyka."

"Jeez, you guys are so slow," Elven signs and turns to me. "He's your brother."

"Half-brother," Silver corrects.

Half-brother. What does that even mean? Then, I get it. That's why he wanted to protect me so badly, that's why he's been there, looking out for me to every single step I made, that's why I almost thought he was a stalker when I was a kid. He was just trying to protect me. Like a brother would.

"Who ..." I begin to ask.

"Your dad, when …," Liam says. He doesn't continue because I already know the answer. Liam's mom was, from what I've heard, a real fan of my father. I never thought it was in that way. Never thought he'd actually … I can't even think about it. I knew my dad had to sleep with tons of women in the Capitol, or in the District to make sure my mother would be safe. But Liam's mom … I had never thought of her. I'd never thought she'd … abuse my father like that.

Liam gets up and comes sit next to me. I immediately get up and walk away. "Don't. I … I can't handle that right now."

"Jessyka, you better get back here," Silver says. "For almost the first time, the Capitol is talking. They're showing pictures and stuff. They're exposing everyone's darkest secret. Everyone in the arena. They're hoping we'll kill each other, trying to get back at each other, trying to hurt everyone more than they would already be. They don't want a bloodbath—which would explain why there isn't many death—they want a torture show, they want the pain to last. It's not over. They've just exposed Liam's."

I turn back straight after her last sentence. The Capitol has chosen to expose our darkest secrets. I had never thought of something that creepy. What are they going to say about me? Then, I can't help but wonder … "How do you know it's true, then?" I ask. "How do you know Liam is really my brother?"

"Look at him," Elven says. "He does look like you."

"No, he doesn't!" I yell.

Liam signs, gets up and tries to get to me again. I don't let him. I push him back. "My father has never loved anyone else than my mother..."

"I know this is shocking. I had the same reaction when my father told me. That doesn't mean your father didn't love your mother with all his heart. I know he did. I remember the way my mom used to complain about that kind of love. It was never meant to end."

I don't know why I'm crying, but I am. I'm weaker than I thought. I don't know how to react. Should I be happy I finally got a brother? Should I be mad? Should I back him more than ever? This news just … ruined everything.

Liam and I are not star-crossed lovers. We are worse, we are siblings.

* * *

_That's it for chapter 11! Review, follow, anything, it means a lot when you do. Hoping you liked it. _

**Curly Top** : Hi, to you, I want to say that the answer to your question is yes. They'll be introduced really soon. Their identity will be revealed in Chapter 14, I believe. Thank you for reading.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12, there you go! I hope you like it! **

* * *

Why did my mom never tell me about Liam? I bet she knew. Why didn't Liam tell me before? I mean, he obviously knew about it and he never once thought about telling me. I can't believe that I actually thought he was into me. That's just gross. Why did he let me believe that? Now that I think of it, maybe what I saw in his eyes wasn't adoration or passion. It probably was just affection that I misinterpreted. It had to be that.

"Already crying?" Elven mocks. "Thought it would take more than five minutes for you both to get into a fight—he turns to Liam—and I need to congratulate you. You've made her cry into that same five minute. Took me at least five years to do the same with my dear sister. My mother wouldn't let me play with her until she was five. What a sad story," he sighs.

It takes me a minute to figure out what he just said. He's got a sister. Does that mean he wants to go home, too? That means he's got a family. Does that mean he's willing to kill everyone just to get back home? Probably. So is everyone here, I remind myself. But it also means that maybe someone here has possibly offended his sister or his mother. The more people you know, the more secrets you have, the more you care. It means I should keep an eye on him … until his secret is revealed.

I look at Liam and then at Elven, wondering who's going to get out of the fight alive, because it's obviously going to end at some point between them.

I quickly shed my tears and dry my cheeks. There is no point in crying because it's not going to change what already happened. If it could, I'd gladly keep crying, but it just won't. And I can't look any weaker than I already do. I hear the gong. Once. Then, twice. Then another time. I turn my head to Liam and I see Elven looking at the sky, like he's worried about someone. There is no one I know. Obviously. The girls from District 8 and 11 and the boy from 9. It's not my targets. They're still alive, hiding somewhere. I just got to find them.

"What about the thing we planned? Well, were planning?" I say.

I need to get their attention focused on something else than me and Liam being siblings. The thought almost makes me sick to the stomach. It's not that I hate him. That's not the point. Now I know I can actually love him without being afraid of some sort of punishment. I wonder if the Reaping was tricked. I mean, it could've been anyone else, but it has been Liam, my half-brother. Then, I understand. It was all planned. All planned. Do I dare to bet that in the end, it could be Liam and I? Maybe not the end of the Games, but only our end. Killing your own brother, knowing exactly what you're doing, knowing one of you have to die, will I be able to handle that? Then, I realize that I'd rather have him killing me than me killing him.

"We keep planning it and we do it," Elven says. "If it works, it'll be our best chance to kill tons of them."

The way he says it makes me think he actually doesn't care if he kills someone. Maybe he doesn't. But if he really doesn't, why is he staying with us? He'd be a great ally for the Careers tributes. They would have gladly welcomed him in their circle, that's for sure. But I feel like he kinda wants to stay with us, I don't know why. Maybe because of Silver, but that's stupid if he's staying only because he "owes" her. That would mean he'd betray us as easily as a, b, c. That means it's not good. That means I'll have to keep an eye on him. I wouldn't really mind. For the first time, I notice he's quite handsome. He's got gorgeous blue eyes and a nice smile. He's taller than me, but not as muscular as Liam. I bet he didn't have to carry heavy fishes back in his District. I wonder from which District he comes, but I don't dare to ask because he might ask mine and I don't feel like telling. I'm only hoping Silver didn't say anything.

Elven tells us the plan, once again, adding details. It's like he's spent a lifetime thinking about it because his plan seems to be perfect, or almost.

"First, we have to find more tributes. Not all of them are going to agree with the Careers. Don't you all feel like once, they should all die first? I do. So, let's find District 5 and up tributes before the Careers do."

"District 5 and up? What about District 4 and 3?" I ask. He clearly has no idea from which District I am. Or maybe he does, which is why he has excluded District 4.

Elven stares at me. "District 4 always has Careers tributes and they can't be trusted. My mom did once, and he almost got her killed. As for District 3, I believe they both are dead."

I glance at Liam. He doesn't say anything. How could he? If he said something, he would tell out loud from which District we're from. I think he doesn't want to give them too much information either. I have to tell myself to stay still. Insulting one of the tributes from District 4 is like insulting me. I do not like it and there is nothing I can do. And I hate feeling powerless.

I look at Silver. She avoids my looks. I wonder if he knows. I wonder what Elven will do to us once he finds out we are from District 4. I won't say anything to him because he's obviously going to win the battle over me if we ever fight. And I'm not quite ready to die yet. Not yet. I don't listen to the rest of the plan. I'll just follow everyone. Elven gets up and I understand that he's done telling the plan. I roll my eyes. I'll need some filling up from Liam.

I grab Silver's arm and I take her out of the house while the boys keep discussing about strategy. I take her away from the house so they won't hear us. "What the hell? Does he know Liam and I are ..." I ask her.

She shakes her head. "He doesn't know. I haven't told him," She sighs. "Look, I'm not here to reveal everyone's identity. I know from which District he's from. I know yours. I'm not going to share this information with neither of you. You shall find out on your own and it's the same thing for him."

"Why him?" I ask.

"I told you," she shrugs. "He owed me. Now he's paying."

I don't know if I believe that explanation. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't mean that because he's owing her that he's not going to kill her anytime soon. "Why do you trust him so much? He can just kill you."

"I'm not as easy to kill as you are," she mocks.

I wince. "I wasn't that easy," I say but I know she's right. I haven't been really smart on that one. Lucky she saved my life.

She raises one eyebrow and looks at me as if she were saying "really?" aloud. I roll my eyes but deep down I'm smiling. I don't even understand how I can manage to smile. I'm still in the Games. I'm still going to die. But still, I feel like smiling. This is just so weird. Just as if for once in my life, I actually was happy.

"You should get weapons," Silver tells me.

"Yeah, I was expecting someone to send some, but I guess I'll just have to find some by myself."

She shakes her head. "You can't trust them now. It's only you."

Is that a way to tell me that if she has to choose between her life and mine, she wouldn't hesitate? Of course that's what she'd do. She's not here to save my ass but to save hers. I get it. Though, I don't know if I would do the same. I would, unless I have found the ones I'm looking for. They still haven't appeared in the sky which means they are still very much alive. Which means that I gotta find them before they find me. I laugh inside of me. They won't find me. And even if they did, they wouldn't know who I am and what I'm planning for them. When the time comes, I do hope that I recognize them.

"You're right," I tell Silver. She nods and she starts heading back to where we left the boys. "Hey," I say and she turns her head. "Thank you. I mean for not telling him … You know if we are supposed to be allies, I'd like him to trust me for me and not for my District."

She nods again. "He's right, though. District 4 has had Careers tributes before. But I think I can trust you. Don't make me regret this."

"I won't," I say before she turns around and walks straight to the "house." I follow her and when I get inside, I see how Elven and Liam seem to be excited about their plans. Boys will be boys, I think. They think this is some kind of game. Well, it is, indeed, since it's called the Hunger _Games,_ but this isn't a normal game.

Elven turns his head and he smiles at me for absolutely no reason when he sees me. I raise an eyebrow, wondering why he's looking at me like that. Then, he comes towards me and he grabs my arm. "Come here you," he says. A little wave of electricity runs through my entire body as I feel his hand on my arm. Does he even know that he makes me feel weird? I wish I didn't, but I do feel attracted to him. I should focus on something else because … this isn't going to happen. I try to forget the fact that he still hasn't let go of my arm to concentrate on what he's saying, but I can't hear a single word. He points at the ground and I see that he's tried to draw something. It looks like an action plan but it's so bad. I mean, it's really … confusing. Lucky he's there to explain everything. "Okay, tonight, Silver and I are going to spy, heading east and Liam and you are going to go west. The point is to find where the Careers have decided to settle down. Knowing them and their strategy, they're just going to wait for us to show up. So, they are probably near water or food because tributes will most likely head towards this way," he explains. I nod at what he says because it makes a lot of sense and he seems to know exactly what to do, unlike me who has absolutely no idea of what to do in that case. It was way much easier to fish and to kill the fish than to hunt humans. But this is the game and … hell, I'm going to play. I also have to make a plan of my own to find Katniss and Peeta's children. I will find them. It's only a matter of time. I'm sure that at some point, I'm going to be facing them. This has to happen. But I wonder if it'll be before or after Liam and I have fought to death. If it's after, well, all of what I've done would have been useless. I can't think of this right now. I need to focus on killing the Careers tributes because they could kill me too. And I really don't want to die before I can accomplish what I think I'm here for. I won't really have time to make them suffer because I need to be sure they'll die. I'll think of something … eventually.

"Jessyka, you listening?" Elven says.

I turn my head to look at him and I nod. He rolls his eyes as if he knows I'm lying but he doesn't say anything and keeps going. I notice that Liam is carefully listening to every word that comes out of Elven's mouth. He'll tell me what to do. I still don't know how I feel towards this whole siblings thing. I'm mad because he never told me but … I mean, can you really betray family? I don't know, I mean, I guess it's doable but … it just feels like he's not going to. Now I get everything. His attitude, everything. I wish I hadn't been such a bitch to him. I should talk to him about that matter but I don't want to. I just feel stupid to do so. I mean, I don't know what to expect from that relationship anymore. I don't know what to think anymore. Even if the truth wasn't supposed to hurt me, since Silver called it Liam's secret, it did and I'm lost. On what else have I been lied to? And then, I have a thought for my mother. Has she heard this? She surely knows now. Everyone in District 4 must be talking about this. I wonder how she's doing.

I suddenly get up, leaving my allies frowning and talking about the plan. I don't care right now. I just hope my mom's okay. "I'll be back in a minute," I tell them as if I needed to explain. I get upstairs and I go inside of a room, which one I don't care. I just want to be alone. Then, I look up to the ceiling because I know there are cameras and that they are all filming every movement I'm making, all wondering what I'm planning to do. I'm not planning to ruin anything. I just want to make sure she's okay. I don't know how I'll get the answer, I just want to tell her that I thought of her and that even if I'm not there, I'm still supportive of her. I don't know for how long I'll be, but I am.

"Mom," I begin to say. "I know you can hear me. And if you don't, I believe someone will tell you what I said quote. I bet you've heard about Liam and I. I don't know if you did know but … I just want to tell you not to worry about me. Please, Mom, don't blame my father for all of this, okay? Please, don't blame him. And please, don't blame Liam's family. I don't want a war raging on between our two families. I hope you're doing okay. I … I miss you. Take care of you." I still stare at the ceiling for a moment, unsure of where to look and then, I look down and I leave the room. I don't feel relieve, I feel even more pathetic and weak.

I get downstairs and notice Elven and Silver are gone. Liam is seated and he seems to be waiting for me.

"Where did they go?" I ask him.

Liam shrugs. "They said they should head east right now. We should go too. We won't see anything if it's too dark outside anyway. We have to meet here at night."

I nod. He hands me a knife and I take it, wondering where to hide it. He grabs a bag and takes a bottle of water. We were lucky to find one. And to find water. But the little river is kind of far. Well, not that far but, if I believe what Elven has said, the Careers will most likely be near that. It's going to be Elven and Silver's job to figure this out because the river is east. I decide to keep the knife in my hand, not knowing what to do with it but thinking this is the best option I have.

Liam gets out and I follow him. He starts to walk west and I keep following him.

After a moment, I need to speak. The silence we are in is awkward and things between us … seem to be weird. "Liam?" I say.

He looks at me for a second before looking away. "Yeah?"

"You know … I'm sorry about earlier," I tell him. "I didn't mean to be this rude or bitchy with you. I just … I never suspected it."

He shrugs. "It's fine, Jess." It's the first time he calls me like that and I actually quite like it.

"No, it's not. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I mean, you're still my … half-brother."

"It means nothing, Jess. We haven't been raised together. We only share the same father. It doesn't mean anything else more than that." I don't know why I'm disappointed. I wanted it to mean more than just that we share blood.

"I …" I'm speechless. There is so much I feel like I need to tell Liam but I don't know how to say those things.

"Look, Jess, it doesn't matter, okay? None of this matters. I never expected you to act as a sister. And I don't think I should act as a brother to you. I don't want to bother you. I mean … we don't have to put up any act." Maybe he thinks he shouldn't, but in a way, he has already acted like a brother to me.

"You know they're probably going to make us fight? You against me?"

He looks at me and away and he slowly nods. "I thought about it."

"Liam, I ..."

"I wouldn't hurt you. Maybe we don't feel like siblings but you are still my sister and I wouldn't do that." I notice that he hasn't used the subtlety I have to describe our relationship. While I have used the "half," he hasn't.

"I wouldn't either." I stay silent for a moment. "Do you think that we … do you think we'd face both Katniss's children? I mean, there is two of them and two of us. And we are both blood related. And … our—it feels so weird to say this—father has teamed up with their mother and father. Don't you think they're going to trick us?"

"What's with your obsession with these kids?" Liam asks, out of the blue.

I shrug, looking away, wondering how he could possibly know. I have never truly talked about them with him. "I am not obsessed with these kids," I deny.

He gives me a look that seems to mean "you kidding?" I roll my eyes. "Don't dig in secrets that don't need to be revealed yet."

"So you do admit that you're having some sort of obsession with them?" he asks. "Don't lie to me, I've been observing you when we were waiting to be thrown into the arena, and I saw how much you paid attention to their scores and how much you were thinking every time something about them was said." How can he have notice so much details? It's impossible. I mean, I didn't even know that I had been this obsessed with them. I wasn't. Was I?

"Why, Jess, that's what I'd like to know. Remember? You always used to act as if you didn't care. As if you didn't mind being killed here. And yet, you're still here, and I know you're looking for them. Trust me enough to tell me why. That's all I'm asking." He's asking for trust. He's asking me to trust him. I don't know if I can still trust him. I don't know if I ever did.

I shake my head. "Liam, I think you're a little bit too much … paranoid. I am not obsessed with these two kids. And I don't care about dying here, Liam. I really don't. I know I don't stand a chance here. The only thing I can do is fish! I'm not good at anything else! I'm not as strong as my father was and I'm not as smart as my mom. I know I'm going to die here, there is no other possible end. I just accepted it and now I'm focusing on other things."

Liam frowns. We have kept walking and we didn't really pay attention to what was surrounding us. I hope we didn't miss anything. I think that if someone was around, we would have heard it. Well, that's what I like to think. I start to look around, only listening to Liam with one ear. I'm not looking at him but I think he doesn't mind as long as I still answer to his questions.

"I just … I just thought that, you know." I absolutely don't get what he thinks I know. I'm not a mind reader. If he could enlighten me, I'd very much like it. I don't have to ask, he does. "I think I may have been a little paranoid about you. I mean, it's normal that you're concerned about other tributes. I … I just … You know, I'm sorry if I were rude with you. I never meant this, I just … I knew you were going to be there. I knew that. And when I got Reaped, I just … I kind of freaked out. I can never hurt you. And when I heard my name, I knew. I knew that at some point, they would make me hurt you in any way. I just want you to know that I would never do it on purpose."

I don't look at him. I don't stand that kind of talk. It's not time to talk about feelings or whatever bullshit. I mean, we are here to fight to the death, not to say how much we care. "Don't waste your time," I tell him. "None of what you're going to say is going to change a thing here. It's all planned. I mean you getting Reaped. It was all supposed to happen." I shrug as if I didn't care. I don't know if I truly don't or if I'm just trying to convince myself I don't. I want to feel something, I would want my heart to tell me something but it just won't say anything. I'm like an big empty hole, struggling to get filled with emotions which is, so far, an epic fail.

"We can change what's going to happen. I think we could." He's so convinced about that fact it's almost painful to hear him say it aloud. I don't want to break his hopes but I have to. There is no way we are going to change it.

I shake my head. "No, we can't, Liam. Look what happened the last time they tried. People got killed. Innocent people got killed. People that didn't deserve any of their crap! People who didn't do anything!" I scream. "I am not going to let this happen again. So if you want to lead another revolution like the fucking Mockingjay—which was a really bad surname by the way—you do it without me and you don't tell me any of it. I don't want any part in this. I'm here to play the Games, not to lead anything, not to destroy more people's lives," I groan.

I hear Liam sighing. I keep walking, faster and anger is blinding me. An enemy could show up right in front of me and I don't know if I would see him—or her.

"Jess, wait!" Liam calls.

I don't do as he says. If he wants to talk to me so badly, why can't he just catch up?

* * *

Nrrrd-Grrrl-Meg: _Thanks for reviewing! And I'm glad you liked the twist! _

Curly Top_: I hope that was fast enough for you ! _


	14. Chapter 13

**I couldn't wait any longer before publishing this chapter. Hope you like it! **

* * *

Liam has wisely decided to avoid the matter of Katniss's children. He tried with Silver and Elven—asking questions as if I were obsessed with them which I'm not—but he finally gave up. I was glad he did. He was driving me crazy with his questions. I don't like what we have become. I don't like our new status. I hate it. I actually hate myself for thinking that something romantic could have happened between Liam and I. I mean, he's my fucking brother! I feel like throwing up every time I think that this thought has once crossed my mind.

I've been thinking about what Elven has said. That Liam looked like me. He doesn't look like me. He kind of looks like Finnick. I didn't want to admit it, but I think he sort of does. Maybe it's just because I'm being paranoid about him and obsessed about his relationship with my father—did he have one? I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I'm right. I don't know if I'm wrong. I don't even know for sure if what has been said about Liam is the truth, but it really seems to be the truth. I mean, he was acting all weird when he told me and if it was a lie—I don't see the purpose of lying about this though—I really don't think he would have been this … embarrassed to tell me. Unless he's a really good actor. And I don't think he is. I mean, the only thing I knew he was good at was fishing. I know he's sort of … good with weapons but I mean, he's not the great Finnick Odair, that's for sure. No one will ever be. No one will ever be as great as he was. And I need to be as good as he once was in order to make him proud. I need to make him proud. I want people to say that he would be proud of me if he were still alive.

"Jess?" Liam's voice says.

I don't turn my head to look at him. We have been walking for quite a moment now and I don't really know when we should head back because I don't have a clock inside of me. I have absolutely no idea of how many days have passed because I'm pretty sure the Capitol is playing with days. They have always done this, there is no reason for them to stop. It's a pretty good trick, though, to confuse people. I don't know if it's working on me, but I've got to say that I'm quite confused. Probably because of everything I've learned since I got here. I mean, first, Johanna's daughter. I don't know a thing about her. I don't know if she can be trusted but I owe her my life. She saved it twice. So, I sort of owe her to stay and go along with whatever plan she's going to come up with. Second, this guy, Elven. I know nothing about him. I don't even know from what District he's from. He kind of looked familiar the first time I saw him but now, I couldn't tell if he really does look familiar or not. But he's so mysterious. I mean, I have absolutely no idea of what he's capable of. He almost killed me once. He could easily do it again. Silver is right; I am a really easy target. I would be really easy to kill. He's not a Career, that's for sure, but one thing is certain too; he knows how to use weapons and won't hesitate to do so.

I realize that alliances are a bad thing. This alliance is a really bad thing. I mean, you really have to be … heartless in order to kill people you got to know. I'm not saying that I actually know Elven or Silver but I kind of do. I mean, I know who she truly is—her identity. I don't know if Elven does too but the fact that I know Silver's real identity makes me doubt that I could ever hurt her. Johanna's been my father's ally, if I have been told the right story. She had nothing to do with his death, according to the story I've heard. So hurting her kid would be useless to me. Besides, I owe her. Even if I really do hate that, it's the truth and there is nothing I can do to change it. _Unless I save or spear her life twice. _I don't think it will happen. She's faster than me. If I could only find a trident. If only I could, then maybe I would stand a chance in all of this war. I have never learned how to use the other weapons even if I'm guessing that using a knife shouldn't be too complicated for someone like me. Handling a sword shouldn't be too complicated but I think these things are quite heavy—but I'm pretty strong—and I can easily hurt myself while trying to rip someone's head off. Let's forget about the bow immediately. I literally suck at this. I need a trident. I do. I wonder if my mom's going to send it or not, if she's going to find a way. I don't know if our District is still willing to bet on either of us—Liam and I—because we really are useless. Ever since they learned that we are blood-related, I don't know if they will bet on us. Betting on one of us means the death of the other one. But, the mentality of the people back in my District has always been … special. All Districts might think like that. I mean, the Games is an abomination and still, everyone accepts it. People bet on young's lives. _The fact that Liam and I are siblings isn't going to change anything,_ I realize. They still want to see teenagers fight to the death. None of what is going to be put under the spotlight is going to change that. The secrets or whatever the Capitol plans on revealing about all of us aren't going to change it. I don't think something can. I suddenly feel angry that Katniss Everdeen had been the only one willing to lead a revolution against this abomination called the Hunger Games. It's too bad my father had to die along. It's too bad _she_ let him die.

"Jess?" Liam repeats.

This time, I turn my head to look at him. There is a new determination in my eyes and I bet he hasn't missed it. "What?" I say coldly.

"Do you think we should head back?" he asks. He doesn't seem to mind about my lack of enthusiasm or my hard tone.

I shake my head and look up. The sun is still shining and the end of the day doesn't seem anywhere near that precise moment. But I know the Capitol can easily turn the lights off. So I don't really know what to decide. In the dark, I don't know if Liam and I could make it back to the meeting. "Don't you think we should keep looking a bit? I mean, we have been walking for … I don't know how long, but it seemed long enough, and we still haven't met anyone. There is something wrong. They may be really close." I actually don't want to prove Elven that I can't do a thing right. I'll show him that I'm worth more than what he thinks of me. That I'm more than just a little girl who cried and yelled when she learned that her father had another kid … with another woman.

Liam frowns. "Are you sure? I know it looks like the end of the day is not for now, but … I mean, we never know."

I groan and roll my eyes. "Go back if you wish, I'll keep going. Meet you there," I say. I don't wait for him to answer, I keep walking. I don't know if he's going to follow me. I don't actually know if I want him to follow me. I know I could use some company but there is no purpose. I'll be alone in the end. Like every of us. We may make alliances, we may promise things to other tributes, but in the end, we'll all be alone, facing our destiny, with weapons in our hands.

"Jess, don't be ridiculous. I'm coming with you." Liam catches up with me and I don't say anything back. There is nothing to say. I'm not being ridiculous; I'm being realistic. I want this plan to work. I want to take down the Careers tributes even if I have no idea of how I'll do it … yet. I'll figure out something.

"Do you think they're going to send us something?" Liam asks. "Anything?"

I shrug. "I don't know for how long we've been here, but I think we shouldn't count on them." I look at him. I know he's hoping that our District hasn't forgotten us. I don't know if they have. I'd rather not think about it. I wonder if my mother has managed to find someone to send me the trident. I could really use it right now. I wonder if Jason is doing a good job, trying to find us sponsors or if he's just there, sitting on his butt, watching us starve. Jason. It's the first time I think about him since the beginning of the Games. His kiss still haunts me.

"Look, we better find some water. Maybe there's going to be some fishes in there so we can actually eat. I'm starving." As I say it, I realize that it's true. We've had water but … we need to look for it because we are going to run out of water eventually if we don't find some more. Finding food wouldn't do any bad either. We need it or it's useless to even try to go after the Careers. I'm betting they eat more than I have ever eaten in my entire life because they are fucking … Careers. They win. They always do. We just need to be smarter than them. If it's even possible.

Liam nods. "Yeah, you're right. Let's find something."

I look around. There is nothing. When I say nothing, it actually means nothing. There is no tree, no vegetation, no nothing. Maybe we are going to find an oasis but … in that desert, I don't know. "We are in the middle of nowhere," I say.

"They won't let us starve to death. People aren't here to watch us die like that. They want blood and fights. We'll find something," he tells me. He really believes that and it makes me want to trust that thought too, but I can't. I don't think we're going to find anything … except for the Careers. I think we're going to find them right when our energy will start to run out and we are truly going to fight to the death but the fight wouldn't be fair because we will already be half dead. _As if they care._

"I hope you're right," I whisper.

I keep on walking, Liam following me, when I hear someone screaming. It must be a girl, probably a really young one, because it didn't sound like something a guy would make. I immediately turn my head towards the sound. It's close, too close, very close. I don't have time to think about what to do, because Liam has already jumped on his feet, heading towards this precise direction. It takes me a second to realize what he's done and another one to think, _Is he damn stupid or suicidal? _I take off, too, following him, hoping to catch up with him and convince him to let this girl die. It'd be one tribute less for us to kill. I don't mind having fewer people to kill. Wouldn't at all. I'd even be glad.

"Liam," I shout. "Get back here. Leave her. We can't help her."

He gives me a look without stopping. "What are you talking about? Of course we can."

And that's when I see the little girl. She's not as young as the voice sounded. She's probably younger than me, but she looks really little and skinny. She's stuck in a trap, in what looks like a fishing net. Her face is panicked and all I can notice is her brown hair. She's screaming, as if it would help … because there is no one around her. But as I take a closer look, I understand why she's screaming for help. She's not only on the ground, forbidden to get up because of the fishing net. She is sinking. In the sand. Shifting sands, I think. As I turn my head to look at Liam, to ask him if we can please get out of here because I have no intention of watching this girl die, I realize that he's gone to the girl to help her.

"Are you crazy?" I yell as I try to catch up with him, being as careful as I can. "You're going to die with her, not save her!"

"I won't sink, Jessyka," Liam replies, exasperated. "I can't let her die."

Hasn't he understood that this is what the Hunger Games are all about? We can't save everyone. And we shouldn't even be thinking about saving this one girl. And I know there is nothing I can do to make Liam change his mind. I know he won't. I debate with myself for a little while. Because if I don't care about the girl's death, I would care about Liam's. And if he goes in there, he'll need my help. He cannot do this on his own. He's going to be the death of me, I think as I sigh.

"Tell her to stop moving. The more she moves, the faster she'll sink in," I groan at Liam as I look through my pockets for my knife.

I hear Liam trying to calm the girl down, but she is so panicked she barely hears him. "Catch this," I scream at Liam and he turns his head to catch up the knife I have thrown at his face—closed of course. He grabs it and starts cutting the net to free the girl. Meanwhile, I take a look around after making sure the girl didn't have any weapon on her. I don't know where the shifting sands start nor where they end. Liam is risking his very own life for this girl he knows nothing about. She's no one. Why does he have to do this? It is stupid. She could take the knife as soon as she would be free and she could drive it through his chest and he would be dead because he was too kind to her. Although, those shifting sands are pretty weird. It's like the only spot where you can sink in is where the girl is laying. I don't know if the Game Makers will expand that spot in order to kill Liam as well, but I feel like this isn't what they want. But what is it that they want, I wonder. That, I don't know yet. But I bet that I will know … when they'll want me to know.

"Give me a hand, would you?" Liam yells.

I shake my head, discouraged, and I join him, walking carefully, studying the ground wisely. I will not die for this young girl. And I will certainly not let him die for her. Liam has succeed in cutting the net and now he's grabbing the girl's arms. The only thing that is still out of the sand is her head, her shoulder and her arms. "Help me," Liam moans in pain.

I grab the girl's hand and I start pulling as hard as I can. I feel like this isn't working but I notice that I have taken a few steps back which means that the girl is surely getting out of the sand. "We got it," Liam triumphs as we take the girl out of the sand entirely.

She doesn't even have the strength to get up on her feet in order to get away from the spot. She only lays there, out of breath, and Liam carries her in his arms to a safe spot. I take a look at the place she was, seconds ago, and I don't see anything. It's like … it's like someone wanted us to find her. It's like someone wanted us to save her. It was too easy for this trap to be a way to kill someone. I don't believe this.

I catch up with Liam and notice he's given the girl our last sip of water. I feel like snapping at him for doing so but he immediately stops me by looking at me in the eyes, madly, which I know, doesn't mean that he's angry with me. It only means that he would very much appreciate if I could shut up for this. He mouths, "We'll find some more later" as I nod. Yeah, of course, we'll find some water later—if that doesn't kill us—, while the girl will maybe be stabbing us with a knife … with the knife I had and cannot find.

"Where did you put the knife?" I ask Liam.

He frowns and looks around him and then, shrugs. "Probably gone in the sand" is his only answer. I feel like yelling. This was my only weapon. What will I do if someone comes to hurt us? I will be defenseless, thanks to Liam and to this goddamn girl. If she's not dead, I should kill her myself. She should have died. Saving her is only going to make us kill her later. She's not saved. She's doomed, just like the rest of us.

"T … Thank … Thank you," she whispers in Liam's arms, giving him back his—my—bottle of water.

"You are very welcome," I say, ironical.

"I'm Piper," she introduces herself. Like I give a damn, I think.

As I shrug, Liam tells Piper his name and mine but he doesn't say from which District we are from which I am glad. I don't want her to know a single thing about us … if she doesn't tell us who she is. Her name, who cares? It means _nothing. _It doesn't say a thing about who she really is, about who's hidden behind this pretty little—and dirty—face.

"Which District are you from?" she asks us.

I immediately freeze and shoot a look at Liam to warn him to keep his damn mouth shut. I walk to the girl and kneel down in front of her. She's seated in the sand, next to Liam, but I am staring at her, and only her. "Why do you want to know?" I demand.

She frowns. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Liam tells her, looking at me with his eyes wide opened as if to tell me to be nice with her. Be nice, and what else? Suggest she takes a bite of my own body so she won't starve?

I roll my eyes and pretend I haven't understood what he meant. "I'm from Twelve," she confesses as if this was supposed to make me trust her. It's in fact, the total opposite that will occur. As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I stare at her. Literally stare and look right into her eyes. Odds were definitely not in her favor today. Surprisingly, she doesn't really look like Katniss or Peeta. She doesn't even look like a mix of both. She just seems to be … different. She's got Katniss's hair color, but that's not a major detail, anyone could have that color. But then, I notice her eyes. I have been staring at them for quite a moment, but now, I see it. The sparkle that I cannot forget in her mother's. She's got the same. The same spirit I saw in the Mockingjay while she was trying to bring everyone together. She's definitely her mother's daughter. That's really too bad for her. I should've let her sink in. I wouldn't have had to get my hands dirty. And with Liam by her side … He wouldn't understand why I'm doing this. He wouldn't get why I want revenge. He cannot understand because … even if it wasn't his biological father, he's had a dad, which I will never get. He can't understand what I have been through. If I try to make a move on this girl, he will take me down. Not because he doesn't want me to kill her—well, not only—but because he's my brother and he'll think that he has to protect me … from myself. But he doesn't. But can I … can I do this, before Liam's eyes? Can I live with his judgments? Even if I won't have to live for long. Piper's brother—whoever that is—will for sure come after me, right after I will have killed his sister. I wonder if her brother is older or younger. If he's younger, maybe he won't come after me … because I'll definitely be stronger—unless he's been training like a Career, which I highly doubt. And if he's older … I'm almost eighteen, I believe I can put up a good fight with an eighteen-year-old boy if her brother is that old.

Liam has noticed that my behavior has changed. He's on his guard, not knowing if he should take me away before I make a huge mistake—according to him. The girl, Piper, still hasn't moved. She better not. She has been stupid enough to tell me she was from Twelve, now she better … she should behave herself. One thing goes wrong, and her head is off. If only I had a knife right now, I would do it right here, right now. As I'm looking into her eyes, I cannot believe that I have found her and that I am still alive. Here you go, Daddy, I think. I will finally avenge you. I will finally do what I came here to do. Forget about everything else. None of it mattered. And as I think of this, I remember what my "father" has told me in that weird vision I had. _Forgive Katniss. _As if I could forgive her. I'll forgive her once both her kids will be dead. Like that we'd be even.

"Jessyka ..." Liam's voice says. And I know that it's a warning. It means that he thinks he was right about me. He thinks that I really want Katniss's children dead. Well, he's bloody right. I want them dead … but I will not tell him that.

I slowly turn my head to look at Liam. "What?"

"Could you stop staring?" he says. He doesn't say a single thing about the fact that I've gone mute since she's told us she was from Twelve. What a mistake she has made.

I raise an eyebrow, frowning and get up on my feet. "Stay here," I order. "I'll find something to eat. I think you are starving," I tell Piper.

She smiles a little and then, nods. I nod, too and shoot out my hand towards Liam, "Knife, please." I'm obviously not asking for mine since he _lost _it, but for his. That way, I know that Piper will not hurt me in anyway. She's just a kid. I can take her down whenever I feel like it. I'm just going to pretend that I like her … until I figure out a way to kill her … slowly, but surely. I don't want to do it too fast because she'll never see anything coming. I want her—and her mother—to know why I am doing this. I need them to understand the pain I have been going through, every day of my life and that no one was truly there to hold my hand while I was struggling. Well, they won't be here when I'll kill their kids.

"Shouldn't we head back?" Liam asks.

"No," I shout, dryly. "We don't even know where it is. Let's get some rest. We'll figure that out after."

I notice that Liam has frowned. I have never been like this before. I don't do the rational thinking, he usually takes care of it for both of us. But now I have. And he knows that this has everything to do with Piper and nothing to do with the eating thing. He's right. I just want to buy myself some more time. I need some time. I have been waiting seventeen years for this day. I will not let it slip away from me, and I will eliminate whoever tries to stop me. Even if it means killing my own flesh and blood. I didn't wait all this time to give up now because of something I didn't know earlier. I know what I am meant to do and this is what I will do—and nothing else.

Liam hands me the knife and I don't even thank him before fading away. I take one last look at Piper, to be sure I remember her face. If she tries to run, I will find her, and her death will be even slower and more painful. I'm no slaughterer, but she better not make me become one because things could get really ugly. I know how to open up a fish; I've done it thousand times back in my District. I guess opening up a human is the same thing … only bigger … and bloodier. But knowing it'll be the blood of my enemy, of the people I hate the most, won't bother me. I'll even gladly do it. And after that, I can stop fighting and wait for death to come and get me. I know I'll have accomplished what I was meant to do and nothing else would matter after this. You'll be proud of me, Daddy, I silently promise. But, deep down inside of me, there is this little voice that sounds like my father's and that keeps telling me that no one will be proud of me, not even my mother, not even myself. But I shut the voice out. It doesn't matter if they're proud or not. They have no idea how much it actually doesn't.

* * *

_Thank you for the reviews! _

_Nrrrd-Grrrl-Meg: You're very welcome about this. And of course I haven't abandonned it. I'm not giving this up until the whole story is said! _

_atlaluver: Thank you so much! It means a lot to me! And you're not the only one who's been asking if Elven was Katniss's son and to that I will say that you'll get your answer in the next chapter! _

_Julia: Hey! Thanks for the review! And I haven't decided about the end, yet. Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out! _

_Curly Top : Thank you so much! I'm so happy you like it! And as I said before, you're going to get the answer plain and clear to your question in the next chapter, I promise! _


	15. Chapter 14

**I couldn't wait any longer! Hope you'll like it! (And I'm sorry, this chapter is a little shorter than the last ones)**

* * *

"Be careful," Liam shouts behind my back.

I don't even answer, only waving my hand. I don't even know what I'm going to catch for them because I don't know if there is something to catch in here. It has been pretty quiet and peaceful. It's obvious something's going to happen. And I wonder to who.

I haven't even made a mile when this little balloon pops in front of my face. I immediately recognize what this is about. It's a gift from my sponsors. I didn't even know I had some. I quickly grab it and I open it, throwing away the little balloon that's fixed to it. There's nothing inside of it … nothing but this little piece of paper. It's folded, so I take it and open it up. And then, another paper falls from that one. I kneel and take it. I have received two papers from my sponsors. How generous of them. Open them up, genius, I think. Which I do. The first one chills me to the bone while the second one makes me even more confused. I don't even have to guess who they are from. Well, he's signed his name, but even then, I wouldn't have to guess. The first paper says "Kill her" and the second one says "Keep the other one alive." Am I supposed to understand something here?

"Jason, tell me what I am supposed to understand," I mumble. But of course, I get no answer at all. It's not like I was expecting one, but I only wished someone could have explained this to me. While Careers get food, water, medicine and probably weapons, too, I get a piece of paper—well, two. Is that supposed to be _fair_? Nothing's fair, I remind myself.

Kill her. Who is "her"? Has Jason read my mind? Because "her" could symbolize this Piper girl. It could mean that I can kill her. But does he really think that I will wait for his approval to do something like this? Of course not. He's damn wrong if he thinks that I will wait for his opinion in my own survival. Not that I will last until the end. But, maybe he wants Silver dead, too. Which brings me to the other paper that said to keep the other one alive. If he's hesitating between Silver and Piper, it means one has to die and the other one has to live, for some reason that I clearly don't understand. Why would I give a damn, anyway? It's not like it would change something for me to kill one before the other. It's not like I'm going to make an ally with Johanna's girl. I cannot stop thinking about what I have seen, about this nightmare. I can't forget what I have been told about her, even if it was probably all lies. I just … I can't bring myself to trust her with my life nor with Liam's. I don't want to risk this. It isn't worth it. Just because our parents were allies doesn't mean that we have to be. She should understand. But, I do owe her. And … even if I have been planning Piper's murder for quite a while, I still know what honor means, and I still care about this. I am a "man" of honor, if I can say this like that. I will keep my word if I promise something and I cannot betray someone who has saved my life twice. I may have not been raised by my father, but I am pretty sure that this would have been the first lesson he would have taught me. To stay true to myself, to keep my promises and not break them, and to respect people, to be thankful for what they have done for me. Sometimes, when my mom is sane enough, she used to tell me stories about him, about how … about how my father was. About how he never would have let someone else deal with his own business, about how he would always keep his promise—but this last time, he promised her he would return and he never did. And this, this has been the only thing closed to a role model that I had. My dead father. The memories I have been told, his qualities which have been described to me, everything. He was a man of respect, he was respected in my District and I would have failed him if I couldn't have respect like he had. I would have wronged him if I wasn't able to follow his path, to be just like he was … to make him—and my mom, and everyone else—proud of me. To make people think that, yes, I am Finnick's daughter, not only Annie's. I don't want to be just Annie Cresta's daughter, I don't only want to be the mad woman's daughter. I want to be more. I want to be the Great Finnick Odair's daughter, the one who you could tell, was his own blood. I want to prove everyone that I am his flesh and blood, not only his name. I have to do this, for him. To honor his memory, his death.

"Dad," I mouth. "I hope that, wherever you are, you are—and will be—proud of me." And as the words are said aloud, I can already tell that the animators of the Games must have been really happy that I gave them something to talk about. Because I have always been quiet about my father's dead. Don't think that the Capitol people never came to my District, to see Finnick's daughter, to see if she was worth it, to see if, by any chance, she could be as … competent as her father. I hadn't understood that until the day someone asked me if I was willing to give him my virginity. "You'd get paid," I remember him saying. I thought I would literally throw up. Of course, I knew about my father's past. Everyone knew. From this day, people gave me looks—they always had, but I had never interpreted in this way before. But I never gave in. I never gave anyone what my father had been giving all along. I don't want to be his daughter in _this _way. If I were any ambitious, I'd want to be the daughter of the Victor, not the daughter of the man after the Games. But, truly, this doesn't matter anymore. I will die where he triumphed and I will have no regrets, whatsoever.

My father's words are stuck in my mind. If he was the one to pronounce them. It felt so real, but … why would he give me such advices? Kill her. Keep the other one alive. "Enlighten me," I demand, looking at the sky, as if someone would actually answer. Of course, no one did.

I rip the papers and get rid of them, letting them inside of the box—if that can be called that way. And I walk away. This isn't my game to play. I don't want to play anyone's game but mine. But you're already playing someone else's game, I tell myself. You're playing the Capitol's one. The worst and most dangerous game ever. They could make a crocodile appear right in front of me and it would probably eat me alive. But I have this feeling that tells me they would spear me. They _need _me. They need me for their stupid show. This isn't destiny if they have chosen this year to make the rebels pay. This is going to get down between us, for sure. I am almost certain of it, I can't deny it, I don't even see what strategy they could use. I have made an alliance with Johanna's girl, Silver. It could be between us, one day—probably soon. I can already bet that they'll keep all of us for the end … and make us fight to the death, real hard, no escape, no way out, only us, our anger and our weapons. They're counting on my nostalgia, on my pain, on my sadness and anger to help them make a good show out of this. Will I help them the way they want? I'm afraid the answer is yes. I really can't care less about the plan they have created. This isn't what I'm interested in. I want Piper's head, and I'll get it. But before, I should get her to give me her brother's name. Still, the boy could lie, but it would be so much easier for me to find him, or at least try.

I've kept walking and I notice that I am near to a little oasis, filled with water. Goddamn it, I think. I left the water bottle to Liam and it's empty. I should get it and come back. But, I don't know why, I don't want to get back. I just want to kneel down and drink it all. As I get closer, I notice that someone's already there. I could use the knife Liam has lend me, but I realize that I have dropped it, somewhere. Still, no panic, no nothing. I keep on walking until the oasis and kneel. The person who's drinking looks up and I recognize Elven.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

He has a weird look. "Drink," he tells me. "Drink."

"Where's Silver?" I ask again.

He waves his hand, showing that he doesn't care for now. "This water … feels so good."

I frown. But … he must be right. The water looks damn good. And I suddenly realize that I am thirsty. It feels like I have never been as thirty my entire life. And even if there is this little whispering in the back of my mind, yelling to get away, I can't help it. I make a little cup with the palm of my hands and I drink. Elven's right. It does feel good. It feels like I'm not even in the Games. It feels like … for once, everything will be all right. It feels like … killing Silver or Piper doesn't matter anymore. I just feel … good.

I take another sip and get up, walking to Elven. He sees me and gets up, too. I'm standing right in front of him and I look up to glance at him into the eyes. He's got gorgeous blue eyes. And this is the only thought in my mind as he leans down on me to kiss me.

This has nothing to do with the first kiss I was given. This has nothing to do with Jason's. It's tender, sweeter, more passionate. As he presses his lips on mine again and again, I feel his hands on my back, touching it, caressing it.

And I know that this is wrong, and yet … I don't _want _to stop.

"This was a mistake," I hear myself say, although I have never lied like this my entire life. This was anything but a mistake.

As Elven grabs his shirt and puts it back on, I take one last good look at his abs and I sigh. "Do you hear me?" I snap.

He looks at me and all I can see in his eyes is infinite tenderness. And I'm betting that is only the reflect of my own eyes. "I do _hear_ you," he says, "but I do not _listen._"

I groan as I'm dressing up, too. If someone had told me that I would lose my … innocence in the Games, I never would have guessed it would be _that _kind of innocence.

"We … This …" I shake my head, unable to say the words even if they're burning my lips. How disappointed must be my mother, right now … I cannot even imagine how my father must be feeling. I let him down. And … no matter how hard I don't want to, I can't help it. If this boy, if Elven asked me to follow him, I would. Even if it's to the end of the world.

"What happened to us?" I whisper as I let myself lay on the sand. I've got sand all over my hair, but it doesn't matter. I've got sand all over my body, too. And in my clothes, which is the worst. But … I don't really care.

Elven comes and sits next to me. He puts his arm around my shoulders and I allow my head to rest on his shoulder for a while. Because we'll never get to be like this again. Because I can't let it happen. But, deep down inside, I know that if he only asked, I would do it. I'd do anything he'd ask.

"I don't know," he admits. He turns to look at me. "How can I have not seen you before the way I do now?" His voice is only a whispering and I close my eyes, afraid that I am going to say something stupid. Something I don't want to say, something I don't mean.

I suddenly feel Elven tensing up and I open up my eyes, ready to jump on my feet and to take out my knife … and I remember that I have lost it somewhere, along as Liam's. "Look," he says.

And I look up. Another gift from the sponsors. And I wonder to who it is. And why this is sent. It's not like we need something. There's water right … And as I look down to stare at the oasis, I realize that it's gone. And the sand is dry, as if no water had ever been there.

Elven raises one hand and grabs the gift. He takes his hand off my shoulder and I sit up, looking at the paper he's holding. This … this does smell bad. It actually stinks. He gives me a look, and he reads what the message has to say. And as he's reading, I can see him frowning in confusion. "What does it say?" I ask, with a very little voice.

And the look Elven gives me … I shall never forget it. He hands me the paper without saying a word. I stare at him in the eyes for a moment. I don't want to read it. I feel like a sand storm is going to kill us both in a minute. Why else would he be looking at me this way?

But when I look down and read what's written on the paper, I understand that what has just fallen on our heads has nothing to do with storm. I don't know if it could get any worse.

"Love potion?" I exclaim as I turn to look at Elven. And it hits me. All I see in his eyes is love, pure passion, and that's it. Must be the reflect of my own desire.

And when he nods, I understand that there is nothing that will make me let him go. He's not going anywhere without me. And I don't think he could go somewhere without me. We're bounded.

Elven takes the paper from my hands, rips it and throws it away. He kisses my lips and he whispers in my ear, "We'll make it through. It will be okay."

As much as I want to believe him, I can't. I know it is hopeless and wishing for a happy ending is wrong. Because there won't be any happy ending. The Capitol has no idea of what it is about.

"You and I both know this will not be okay," I say, pushing him away. "This is the last thing you and I needed. Forever passion, lasting love. I don't _want _this."

"Neither did I. But we found it, why would you complain?" he demands.

"Why? Because this, this is not supposed to be like this. I … You shouldn't even want me. I shouldn't even care about you. This is wrong in so many ways. Can you just … go? Please," I beg.

Elven stays silent for a while, looking right through me. It's as if he's known me forever, and yet, I cannot tell him everything that has crossed my mind in the past minute. "I'm not going anywhere," he says. "I'm staying."

I groan, angrily, with tears in my eyes. "Don't cry," he tells me with a sweet voice. "We'll figure it out."

"Figure it out? Do you remember the last time the Games had star-crossed lovers? I don't want to end up like them. I don't want to be the next girl on fire. I don't want to be as messed up. I don't want to lead a revolution. I just want to get this over with. I'll do what I came here for and then, I'll be gone. This … potion, or whatever it is, it cannot last forever. It can't control us. Be stronger than this and just … Just fight back."

And as I feel tears streaming down my face, I can't help but think that I am exactly like Katniss Everdeen. I have tried so hard not to be like her, but … it seems that no matter what I'll do, I'll be just like her. Maybe this is the Capitol's final punishment. Maybe this is their way of showing me that I am not going to win, that I am not only going to die here, but that my soul is going straight to hell, if such thing does exist.

When Elven looks up, straight into my eyes, all I can read in his eyes is pain. And it tears me up inside to see him like this. Yet, I don't know why. "But I can't fight," he murmurs.

And as he says the words aloud, I realize that this is true. I cannot fight back the feeling. Yet, how am I supposed to kill it? All I truly want to do is cuddle with this boy, only him, and kiss him like it's the end of the world, and yet, it feels like the end of the world. Because there is nothing after the Games. The Game Makers will not let another pair of Victors win. The odds are not in our favor. Absolutely not. And for once, I wish I believed in destiny, I wish I had some faith. But I know that it would be useless to even believe. It's not like I'm going to make it out of here, anyway. But this boy, the only thought of him, makes me want to fight. It makes me want to live, even after having killed both the kids I came here to murder.

The message didn't say when this potion was supposed to stop. Is it forever? Because I feel like … I couldn't ever be as attracted to anyone else.

I stare right into Elven's eyes, and both our eyes tell what our mouths cannot say. They say the exact same thing, they reflect the same passion, the same desire, and yet, the same sadness.

"Jessyka," I hear someone yelling.

And it feels like a dream. As I turn my head to see who's calling my name, I recognize Liam and Piper, running toward us. I see how Liam is frowning, how he must be wondering what took me so long, how he's probably going to ask me tons of questions later about Elven. But what troubles me the most is the way the girl's face lightens up when she sees us. Is she that happy to see me again?

And when she opens up her mouth, I understand that this … this potion wasn't a miracle nor a good thing, it was part of the plan. "Elven!" she screams happily.

And when he answers, I realize that no matter how hard I have tried to keep my little plan a secret, it isn't one anymore. And I understand that I have been trapped, fooled and that I will give a show no one in Panem will ever forget. I'll be even worse than Katniss. Because I'm not only pretending to love Elven just to save my ass. I'm way beyond the point of pretending. Love. The word has overcome my entire body, my mind and my heart.

I drank a love potion with Katniss's son.

* * *

_Now I bet that I have answered THE question! _

_**Julia**: THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! And if you're from Europe... Does that mean that you speak French? I love Netherlands, I think it sounds really nice hahahaha. Thank you for the reviews and the nice comments, it's really appreciate. _

_**HungerGamesLover**: Thank you! And, yes, I'd be glad to give you some advices or tips, whatever you need! If you want to start a story, you need an idea to begin. You can PM me if you want to talk, I'd be GLAD to help. I'm happy you like my story and I hope that I haven't kept you waiting for too long! _

_Nrrrd-Grrrl-Meg: Baby Mockingjay, I love it! And I hope that you won't be disappointed when she has her revenge. Thanks for the review! _

_**Curly Top**: Thank you! I'm happy you kept reading and still love it. _

_**inlovewithpeeta**: O.M.G.! Thank you soooo much, you don't know how ... happy I am about your review. It's so good to read that you love it. Thanks for reviewing. You just made my day! Hope you liked it and will keep reading. _

_I promise you that the next chapter will be posted very soon. I'm actually really excited about all the feedback you guys give me and it motivates me a LOT to write. Thank you all again, you are all wonderful! _


	16. Chapter 15

**There you go for next chapter! I really hope you will like it. Thank you all for the feedback you gave me. I love you all! **

**BTW. Sorry if the chapter isn't as long as you were expecting. It's going to get longer soon, I promise! **

* * *

Shock. It must be written all over my face as I watch Elven embracing his little sister, Piper, as I stand still, not jumping on them to strangle them with my own hands, watching the children I came here to kill.

Liam comes by my side and he gives me a look. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." I might as well have, and I would feel better than I do right now. But I cannot cry. Not anymore. I cried enough. Hell, I've cried more in the few days I've spent here than in my entire life. Now is the time to be strong and show the world that … love cannot stop me from doing what I came here for. It can't stop me. Otherwise, everything I did would have been for nothing. And I can't … I cannot let them take this away from me. I can't let them win. I bet Katniss's gloating behind her screen, saying "I knew she couldn't do it." I'll prove her wrong. I'll prove them all wrong. I ain't weak like she was. I don't want to be. I want nothing to do with Katniss Everdeen. I want nothing to do with her son—and daughter—either. And yet, there they are. Standing right in my face, hugging, smiling, wondering if the other one's okay, defenseless and I could so easily take something—anything would do—and just hit them until they die. I should start with Elven because he's stronger. His little sister would be a piece of cake to kill. She's even more skinnier than Silver. I could pretend it was an accident. Throw the knife—which I shall find—right at her, and then pretend to be surprised it sank right into her body.

"I'm fine," I say coldly as I take a step away from him, looking at the sky, not wanting to look at him. Is the Capitol going to send me a sign? Of how happy they are about what they've done to me? Now, I understand. They have tried to reunite us. They have tried to make all of us friends. Allies. Alliance. That was all their ideas. And we followed their lead even if we didn't know someone was trying to tell us what to do. And now, I understand that I will make it to the final battle. Elven, Piper, Silver and I will make it.

I take a look at Liam and I wonder if he will, too.

At that precise moment, something appears in the sky. It's light and it's as if they're going to show who has died today. But it's quite the opposite. There is no picture but we can see who is still alive. And that's when I notice that Enobaria's child and Beetee's kid have passed away. If they did die, it doesn't make any sense anymore. And then, I feel like I know the answer to my own question. Maybe the Capitol only wanted the kids of the one who _truly _led the revolution. Although Enobaria and Beetee helped a lot, they won't get to see what my mother will get to watch, will have to watch, maybe even be forced to watch. And I feel sorry for her. I wish she could just stay in her bed and not watch the Games. But I know she is watching. She's watching my every move and … she must be really disappointed in me.

"Damn it," Elven swears. "Both tributes from District 1 and the boy from 2 and both 4 are still standing. We have a lot of work to do. They're not going to be easy."

Apart from them, and for us, we are the only one left. Which means nine of us. Which means that the Games are almost over. Which means that … the clock is ticking and this might be my last day.

I take a look at Liam. Maybe it's time I tell Elven from which District I'm from. It's only fair now that I know his. And … I know he's not going to hurt me. I only wonder why he doesn't like District 4 tributes. But telling him … it would be like saying that I have lied to him all along, pretending to be someone else. And why would it matter, I think. It shouldn't. I don't owe him anything. Well, I didn't owe him anything. Now, maybe that I do owe him something.

"Elven … There's something I need to tell you," I say.

He turns his head, smiling, to look at me. And I see how happy his eyes are and I wonder if this will be his last happy moment. "Yeah, sure," he says. He kisses her sister on the top of her head. "Stay with Liam," he tells her. "We won't be long."

"Actually, it might take a while." I see the way Elven raises his eyebrow in a very suggestive way, and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Liam, maybe you should head back. Find out what happened to Silver." I throw the knife at him—which was actually in my pocket—making sure he's not in danger at anytime. How unlucky would that be if the knife sank into his leg? "You could use this."

He catches it safely and gives me a weird look. "What about you?"

"I'll take care of her. Don't worry," Elven immediately promises. "She'll be safe with me. I promise."

I nod, looking at Liam, begging him silently to bring Piper with him and to go. To go before I jump on her to … God knows what. Killing her in her sleep seems like the best option I have. I _know _I will have to kill Elven, too, but … I'd much rather him not knowing what I did to his sister. I don't know where that comes from. Although my head is still keeping the same plan, not changing anything, my heart doesn't follow anymore and … and it thinks that my father was right. I cannot take my anger out on the children. They haven't done anything. But my brain—and maybe this part of my heart who is darkened by pain—tells me that my dad was taken away from me and it is only fair that I take away her children. God, I think, I will never … This … _Daddy, help me_. Only the sound of the wind answers to my silent prayer.

"Okay," Liam finally accepts. "Be safe, Jess. Please."

"Don't worry. I'll be there as soon as I can." I look at him with tenderness in my eyes. Even if he hasn't been my big brother for long, I'll always remember. "You think you'll find the way?"

He nods. "I'll be just fine." Then, he turns to Piper who's looking at him with her big eyes opened, as if she's wondering if Liam's going to cut her in pieces to eat her. That would be less painful for her if he did. But that idea hasn't even crossed his mind. "Are you coming, little girl?" he asks her with a gentle smile.

She turns to look at her big brother, wondering if it's safe to go with him. Elven nods and pats her shoulder. "It's okay, Piper. You'll be okay." He kneels down and he hands her a very tiny knife. I look at the blade, knowing it couldn't kill Liam even if she tried. "Just in case," he whispers in her ear.

He gets up, kisses the top of her head and takes a step back. "Go."

She winces a bit but agrees, and she follows Liam who has already started walking. I have a feeling that they will be fine. They'll be just fine.

When they have vanished, Elven touches my arm in such a hurry, and when I turn my head to look at him, he presses his lips against mine with passion. "I've been dying to do this," he groans painfully in my ear.

I smile a little and kiss him back but then, I remember what I wanted to say and push him back. He frowns, confused and I look away, starting to walk the same way Liam took a few minutes ago. I'll follow them, but we'll get there way after them. Elven catches up with me, and he grabs my hand, entwining our fingers. I let him do it. "What's wrong, babe?" he asks. I wince, noticing how fast he got used to calling me like that.

I take a deep breath. "I … I'm not who you think I am."

"What do you mean?" he simply demands. There's no suspicion in his voice. It's as if he has no clue of what I'm going to say.

"Do you even know from which District I'm from?" I ask him. When he shakes his head no, I keep going, "Don't you even have a little idea? Not a little hint?" Again, he shakes his head. "I'm from District Four. And my father is Finnick Odair."

Elven stops walking, and I turn around to look at him. There's something in his eyes I wish I didn't see. "So you're here to kill me?" he slowly murmurs.

I open my eyes widely. "What?"

He shrugs. "Don't bother to lie," he tells me. "Your father appeared to my mother in a dream, telling her to tell us to be careful around you, to avoid you if that was possible. He said that your rage was blinding you and that you only wanted revenge. Is that true?"

As he asks, I wonder if he's right. And I feel hurt. Is this truly how my father pictures me? As a girl who doesn't know what is right and what isn't? As a girl who isn't his? A girl who doesn't _deserve _to have his name? I will prove him wrong. What kind of a father does this to his own daughter? This has to be one of the Capitol's trick. He wouldn't do this to me. But inside of me, there is this little voice that tells me "yes." Yes, he would do it.

"Am I supposed to take your silence as a yes?" Elven asks.

I look up, right into his eyes and what I see in them disappoints me. There is no anger nor fear. Only endless sadness.

I close my eyes for a second and then, I turn away and I start walking. It really doesn't matter to me if he'll follow or not, but he does anyway. If I could only walk away from the life I am living. But I cannot. I'm trapped in the arena, trapped in the life I'm living but shouldn't have. Nothing should have happened this way. He shouldn't have known. My father shouldn't have told him. His sister shouldn't have been this young. _But you knew. You knew they could have been young. And you didn't mind killing them. _I didn't. But … it does feel a hell of a lot different now that I know them, now that I have got to know them. Now that I have … fallen in love with one of them. Yet, this isn't what keeps me from driving a stake through Elven's heart. It's not love. It's not the way I feel about him. It's … the way I feel about my father. The way I used to think of him, the hopes I had placed in my actions, thinking he would be pleased by it, thinking he would be proud of me. But he isn't. If he were alive, he wouldn't even look me in the eyes.

"When were you planning on telling me?" Elven asks.

I don't slow down, and I don't even look at him. I cannot face him. As if the new part of me was ashamed of what I wanted to do while the other one was … I don't even know where I stand anymore.

"I wasn't," I whisper. "I … I didn't even know you were the one I was looking for."

"But … my sister. Why didn't you … why is she still alive?" That is a quite good question.

"I … I had prepared myself for her to be this young, but I had never thought I would feel that way when I saw her."

"How did you feel?"

I groan. Can he drop the questions? Even if I'm annoyed, I keep answering, which is the worst. "Like a slaughterer." Thinking about killer her, now that she hasn't hurt me in any way, is harder to do than I expected. If she had jumped on me, I would have driven my knife through her heart and it would have been done and I wouldn't have thought about it. But now, I do. And I … I realize that I cannot just walk to her and cut her head off.

"Why?" he asks. "Why do you want us dead?"

"Why are you even bothering? If we hadn't … drunk that love potion or whatever it was, we wouldn't be talking right now. You'd probably be trying to kill me and I would be doing the same. So cut the shit."

I start walking faster, almost running. It feels as if everything I believed in was falling apart. I have nothing else to believe in, nothing else to put my faith in. What I have trained for my entire life isn't even going to happen, it's not … what I thought it would be. Why, I want to scream at the sky, at my father's face. But I've got this feeling that if I ever screamed, I would hear his voice in my head, saying "You know why" and I don't want to hear such thing. It wasn't supposed to happen like that! I wasn't supposed to care for them, I wasn't even supposed to bother about them. All I had to do was find them and kill them. That was _so_ fucking easy. What the hell did I do? Where did I go wrong? Why …

I don't notice I have fallen to the ground, on my knees, until Elven catches up with me and kneels down in front of me. I realize that I'm crying, crying a goddamn river, as if it would cure me. His fingers brush my cheek and he pulls me closer to him in a tight embrace. I let him do so, crying freaking hard, not even knowing who the fuck I'm supposed to be anymore.

"I'm sorry," he whispers in my ear. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just … I want to understand. I ..."

I push him back and I get up and so does he. He seems so worried right now that it breaks my heart. "You don't understand," I cry. "You cannot. I … Everything I thought was true isn't anymore. I … It was all supposed to be all right. And … and it's not. It's just a mess, a … I can't. I can't do this anymore." I look up to the sky, blinded by the tears. "I can't do this anymore, Daddy."

Then, I look down at Elven and say, "Save me." And what I mean is "save me from my misery, free me, set me free, let me meet my father for real, kill me."

* * *

_Julia: Thank you for the reviews! And I was asking if you were speaking French because I do. It's my first language. Thanks for telling your friends, I hope they won't be disappointed! And I recently turned 17! :) Thanks a lot, I'm SO glad you like it. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Hope you liked this chapter even though it was quite short. _

_HungerGamesLoverr: Hahaha, thanks for the review! Really did make me smile that you made an account on to my story! Thank you a lot for the feedback. I wish I had more readers, of course, just like every other writer, but hey, I have all of you guys and you're really amazing! And, I guess you probably have been busy, but I haven't gotten any PM. Take all the time that you need, I'll be there whenever you need. Hope to hear from you very soon! _

_Absolutly Adorkable: Aww, thank you so much for the review! I'm glad that I'm not a total loser in English, hahaha. I'm happy that you like it. Haha, yeah, usually I am one of the people who like to "complicate" every story because I don't know, I just have all of those ideas and I try to make them fit in, but for this one, I tried to stay simple and I'm glad you like that! _

_Curly Top: Yeah, now you know for sure that Elven's Katniss's son. And to know if she'll listen to her father... I guess you'll have to keep reading. Thanks for the review, means a lot. _

_CloveandtheMockingjay: THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! Love the enthusiasm! _

_atlaluver: Aww, I'm really sad that I didn't get to read that long review! I'm sure it would have brightened up my day! You're soooo funny, thanks a lot for reviewing! I LOVE your energy and the way that you really seem to be loving it. Thank you so much! I think you've been one of the first to read this story, so thank you a lot. Hope I'm not going to disappoint you._

* * *

**_Thanks to everyone who's been reading this fanfiction. You guys are the best, really. Last chapter was the one with the most reviews, and it's very nice of you all! I love the feedback that you give me and I'm SOOO happy that you like the fanfiction. I'll try to keep up with your expectations, and to update very often. I'm currently in exam rush (you know how it's like) and this is why I couldn't update sooner (but don't worry. I'm actually writing chapter 17 so you guys are safe!). But in a week (thank God!) I'll be on vacation and that will leave me more time to write. _**

**_Thank you all AGAIN. Love you guys! xx_**


	17. Chapter 16

**There you go! And I promise, this chapter is like ... twice the size of the last. I hope you will like it! :) Since I'm on vacation, I'll have more time to write and update. I should update weekly, hopefully. Thank you all for reading! **

* * *

"I'll save you," Elven promises. "I'll save you. And you'll be okay. We'll be okay."

"Can't you even be mad at me? I would feel a hell of a lot better if you only were."

He shakes his head, and he leans down on me, kissing my lips, softly, gently. "My mind wants to be, but I'm not. I just want us to be happy."

"Happy," I repeat quietly. And it hits me. I have never been happy. I don't even know what happiness is supposed to feel like. All those years, all I did was taking care of my mother. It didn't fill me with joy but with sadness. When she lost it, when her mind was gone, I was heartbroken and every time it happened, my heart darkened a little bit more. For this, I could have blamed the Capitol and the Games, but I did not. Instead, I chose to blame Katniss Everdeen for taking away my father's life. He was the only one who could have kept my mother safe and sound and sane. Even I couldn't. She would sometimes lose her mind in front of my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to help her. I was powerless to make her feel better. How was I supposed to be happy if she wasn't? She was the only person who had ever cared about me—apart from Liam—my entire life. If she couldn't even be happy, smile and mean it, how was I supposed to know what happiness was like? I didn't. I truly didn't. My entire life, at least as long as I can remember, I have only been a burning fire, consumed with rage and promises that one day I will avenge my father and then, after that, I could allow myself to be happy. But I didn't know it would end like this. Me _liking _her son. Him wanting _us _to be happy. I should have been able to close my heart, but this damn potion has opened it up again. And I can feel. Everything I didn't allow myself to within the past few years. It feels even heightened when I look at Elven. He's everything I ever wanted, although I didn't know that yet. But now that I see him, staring at me with those gorgeous eyes of his, I can't help but think that he is everything I ever wanted.

"We'll make it through. I'll keep you safe. I promise," he murmurs.

I feel like crying. Because now I do care. Whether I live or not. The Games have become more than just the place where I will avenge myself. It has become the place where I wish I could stay forever, with Elven, where no one could hurt us. But this isn't an oasis of peace. It's going to be the place one of us—perhaps both of us—will die. And there is this thought, in the back of my mind that tells me that I wouldn't try to kill him in the end, but that I would give everything just to save him. And I realize how wrong this thought is. I can't let love get me out of the right way, the path I have walked on ever since I was a kid.

"We can't," I say, drying my tears. "We can't win both. And … I … I didn't want to win, Elven. I … I'm supposed to be dead by now—"

"Along as me and my sister," he adds.

I don't find the strength in me to lie to his face again. "Yes," I whisper, looking down.

"It's okay, Jessy," he says.

"No, it's not!" I scream, looking up, straight into his eyes. "Just fucking leave me, okay? I'll end up hurting you and ..." _And I don't want this_. But I can't say these words out loud.

"Walk away, and it'll be worst. Forever and always, it said. Leave me, and you and I both die from sadness."

"And yet … You do not love me. You only need me."

He looks at me. "What I'm feeling for you is … it's more. I have never felt the same for anyone. Perhaps it isn't love, but who knows what it could be, in the end?"

"Shut up," I hiss. "None of what we're feeling is real." And still, the little voice in the back of my mind asks, Who are you trying to convince? Him … or you?

"Because you think that my … desire to kiss you right now isn't real?" He lets out a dry laugh. "You really aren't in my shoes for saying so. I would literally die if I couldn't kiss you."

"Well, you can't!" I snap. "We can't do this. It's … too risky."

"Since when does Finnick Odair's daughter care? I thought you were the reckless one." He smiles with one of those smile I cannot resist. His eyes are filled with sparkles and … the way he looks at me … No one's ever looked at me that way. No pity in his eyes. He does not pity me, whatsoever, which is great. He's probably one of the first. But … I cannot allow myself to care for him, although it's slightly too late.

"I'm not," I deny. "Not when it comes to someone else. I'm reckless only when it comes to me. I don't … I don't want someone to die because I wouldn't have been careful enough." This isn't going to happen to me. The only person I will hurt are the ones I have decided to and myself. My friends, those who count on me, I will not fail them. Or I will try not to because … I'll most likely let them down, knowing that … I don't have any intention of winning whatsoever. But something inside of me wonders if I'd be willing to win now … for Elven. If I'd be willing to win _with _him. What about Liam, I ask myself. What about him …

"I can look out for me. I'm no baby," Elven replies.

I smile a little. "I know you're no baby," I tease.

He lets out a dry laugh and pulls me closer to him, quickly kissing my lips and my forehead. "We'll be okay, Jessy," he repeats.

And I don't find the strength to say again that we will not be okay. We cannot be okay. There's no way this is going to end well for neither of you. Someone's going to get hurt. Maybe both of us. I know he's only trying to comfort me but … I don't want to hear lies, I want the bloody truth. But I can't fight with Elven anymore. It drains away all my energy and I'm going to need every sip of it in order to survive. Instead, I answer, "I like it when you call me like that."

He smiles. "I know, babe."

"And I could get used to that one, too."

His smile enlarges as I look at him, right into the eyes, almost seeing right through him. That's when I think that yes, yes, Elven is the one I've been looking for, even if I didn't know. And by "the one," I do not mean the one I wanted to kill. I only mean, "the one."

I softly press my lips against his and I can _feel _him smiling. I start to laugh and his laughter joins mine seconds after. And as we're both laughing, I realize that this is the last thing I had expected to find in here. I had expected to find peace. I thought that I would finally be over all the nightmares about my father's death, that I would finally be okay with him not being here anymore, that I would have got my revenge and that I would be peaceful and therefore, I would go in peace. Although I may have found some sort of peace, this isn't what I wanted in the first place. I've lived every day, seeing my mother struggling with her illness, crying over her one and only again and again, screaming while she was sleeping and opening her eyes to find out that I was the only one by her side, that Finnick was gone. I didn't want to fall in love. It only seemed to be painful and to destroy people. After seventeen years, my mother never got over my father. She never forgot him and I know she never will. He's been her first, and her last, her one and only. In a way, she depended on him her entire life because he was the one to keep her safe and sane. And now that he's gone, her mind has vanished, too. Her mind's with him. A part of her left with Finnick when he died, and I will never be able to get back that part of her. It's gone forever … and so is my father.

I don't want such thing to happen to me. How horrible would that be, not being able to live after someone I loved was gone? I don't want this kind of love. I never thought I'd know what it feels like to be loved—and to love. One thing is sure; I had no idea I'd feel that way.

"Jessyka!" I hear someone yelling.

As I turn my head, taking a little step back from Elven, I see Liam, coming back to me, his face deformed in a wince. Behind him is Piper who's running, too. Although they both seem in such a hurry and that I have pushed back Elven, I notice the way Liam looks at me. I don't know if Piper has seen anything, but Liam has and … I can tell he's not very happy with it. This is probably the last thing he expected from me.

"Liam?" I scream back, wondering what's going on.

"Run!" he shouts. "Run!"

He turns around to see where is Piper. She's not very far behind him. He encourages her to keep going. I look at Elven, confused and I read the same thing in his eyes. "What's going on?" he murmurs.

Liam arrives next to me, followed by Piper. "For god's sake, Jess, run." He points at something behind him and that's when I see something moving. Something … or someone. Or … more some people. And when I see their weapons and hear their war screams, that's when I understand.

"The Careers," I murmur.

"They found us," Elven whispers. He kneels down to hug his sister, a quick kiss on the forehead and he tells her something in the ear that I cannot hear.

I take a look at Liam. "Where the fuck is Silver?" I groan.

He shakes his head, without even looking up. I immediately know why. Why he wouldn't dare to look me in the eyes. I feel like someone has stabbed me instead of her. "No," I moan. "No. Not her. No. Did you..."

Liam quickly nods yes. I want to scream, to yell, to beat the crap out of whoever did this to her. She didn't deserve this. She saved my life twice and I couldn't even be there for her when she needed someone to save hers.

He grabs my hand and starts to run. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore so I follow him. I let him take me wherever he wants. Until I remember Elven. That's when I look back, and I see him, his sister on his back, running to catch up with us. I try to make Liam let go of me, but his grip only tightens. "No! Liam, we've gotta wait for him!"

He doesn't look at me, but I know he didn't expect me to say this. "What about her?"

"For both of them! Damn it, Liam. I can't let them down, too." He keeps running, not even pretending to slow down. I have to keep up with him if I don't want him to rip my arm off. He'd be perfectly capable of it, and I don't want to be infirm. That would be quite unlikely for the Games.

"Hurry, Elven!" I yell.

I don't hear what he shouts. I don't even know if he said something. He's not that far, but the Careers are so close to him. I can't even think. All that's in my head at this moment is like a huge red light, flashing. "Liam!" I scream. "Let me fucking go!" I free myself from his grip and stop running. I don't even look at him before running back to Elven. The closer I get to him, the more I notice how strong the Careers look. There is four of them—but since there was only three of them still alive, I'm assuming the fourth isn't a Career, probably just a random tribute, the last alive apart from all of us. I quickly take a look at whatever weapon they have. Lucky for us, they don't seem to have any bow. They can still throw their swords and knifes, but I believe they'll keep them until the end.

"Jessy, don't come back for me. Just go! Run, get away from here," I hear Elven screaming.

"Not without you," I yell back. I've come right beside him, and I turn around to run the same way he does. I can see the look on his sister's face. She's frightened. She's so scared she cannot even run. She's so afraid; she can't even hold on to her brother. He's holding on to her very tightly. It must be painful to run with someone on your back. I see Elven's face wincing at every step he takes, but he doesn't say anything, and he runs faster than ever.

Far far away, I see Liam, waiting for us, shouting things that I cannot understand. As I take a look back, I see the metal shining under the sun. "Watch out for her!" I yell.

Elven looks back too and when he sees this, he immediately understands what it means. He tells his sister to come in his arms instead. I know what's going to happen if they ever throw this knife or sword or whatever it actually is. I'm blown away by his action. He'd be willing to die for her. He'd be willing to get stabbed if that could save her life. And she lets him do this. What kind of people lets someone else get killed instead of them? It's as if I see both my father and his mother in them. Piper being Katniss and Elven being Finnick. He's willing to sacrifice himself to save her. And she wouldn't even turn around to see if he were all right if such thing happened. She's like her mother. And I wish... Oh, I wish that Elven wasn't blood related to her. If not, things would be so much easier. I'd just have to close my eyes and drive a stake through her heart. Nicely done and easily done. Ten seconds and it would be over. She wouldn't even have the time to scream. But there's Elven. He'd never let his sister out of his sight again. I know he doesn't trust me around Piper. Now that he knows who I truly am and what I wanted to do with them, he's not going to let me around Piper. He's not going to let me—or her—out of his sight. He's either going to be watching her or me. If he sticks around me all the time, according to him, I might not get suspicious. After the love potion, it would just be normal to assume that he wants to be with me all the time, which is why I believe he's going to choose this strategy. Sticking around his sister all the time would probably be suspicious. Liam would wonder what's going on and so would she. I wouldn't because I'd know.

"Give me your knife," I groan at Elven. When he gives me a look, I repeat the same thing, with hurry and dryly. "Give me your goddamn knife."

He shakes his head. "I can't reach it." I take a look and realize that he's telling the truth. His hands are full with his sister. I roll my eyes and try to think of something else. I can almost hear the Careers behind us. It's like they're breathing on my neck. I can almost feel their breath. I look back and notice that they haven't caught up with us yet, but they aren't that far behind.

Elven and I catch up with Liam, and he offers to take Piper in his arms so that Elven could get some rest. I see the way he hesitates. He finally shakes his head no. "We've got no time to stop. I'll be fine. Just keep running," he orders.

Liam doesn't try to say otherwise and we all keep running. I don't know where it's going to lead us. I don't understand what's going on. They should have caught up with us by now. They should, at least, have done something, but they haven't. This isn't normal. Something's wrong although I can't tell what is. This whole situation is, but that's not what I want to find out. Looking around, I notice that the background has changed drastically. We're running … through the forest. Since when did all of this appear?

"Don't slow down to look around, Jess," Liam's voice snaps.

I don't even bother to answer but keep doing the same thing. It might save us if we ever need to escape quickly that I know where we're actually going. All of a sudden, a tree falls in front of us, keeping us from running that way. Panic rises into my body as I hear the Careers right behind us. I can hear them panting. "Let's go left!" Elven screams. And he goes right. Confused, I follow him but I've lost a couple of precious seconds heading left. I understand that it was all just a strategy but I mean, they can see us. They just have to follow, no matter what we're saying. It shouldn't be too difficult. There is no way we can escape. They're right behind us, almost catching up at every step we take.

As we run like crazy, I feel like my lungs are burning. My mouth has never been this dry, and when I look up and realize that Elven is far ahead, I wonder how he did it. He's carrying his sister for God's sake, and he's beating me. Liam's between Elven and I, and he keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure that I'm still here, that I haven't vanished or gone mad and decided to distract the Careers. I could have. Maybe I would have if I had killed Elven and Piper. Maybe I could make an alliance with the Careers and have them killed. It wouldn't be as fun as killing them myself but the result would be the same: they'd be dead. But to do this, I have to _want _to do it. And that's where is the entire deal. I don't know what I want anymore. Before Elven, I would have done anything just to get rid of them. Now, I don't know what to think anymore. Well, I know what I would like to think, but it seems that I cannot bring myself to believe in this any longer. How can all the resentment and the anger have vanished so quickly? How can I not feel hateful towards them? How can I _almost _want them to be safe?

I shake my head. This isn't right. I can't change my mind about them. The Capitol can go on and try, but they cannot make me change my mind. They can't control my actions. They won't let me do this to _him_ because I can't fail _him. _

All of a sudden, I hear Elven screaming and when I look up, I notice that he's trapped in something that looks like a cage. A wooden cage. I look up, wondering where the hell it came from and while doing so, another one drops on my head and there I am, trapped, too.

A wave of panic floods into my entire body, and I think that I have never kicked something this hard. I can try to shake it, try to break it or even to move it, it doesn't do anything else than just keeping me inside like a prisoner. I notice that Liam's trapped too. We all are. That's when I wonder where the Careers are.

I look back, and I see them coming, walking calmly as if they knew what was going to happen to us. There are four of them again. So none of them died. Two girls, two boys. What a lovely crew they make. If I hadn't drunk the goddamn potion, I'd be asking them to join their alliance. Revenge can be quite a good motivation for someone. The two girls are probably my age or around that. They both have their hair up in a high ponytail. One of them is dark-haired while the other one is brownish. They sort of look alike but when you take a closer look, you can notice that it's only the anger and the pain in their eyes that makes them look alike this much. The two boys are probably their ages, too. They're tall and very muscular. They're almost twins. This is weird. They really do look alike, but I doubt they're related because … that would be just insane. They're so dirty I can't even tell which color their skin is. One of them has long hair tied up in a low ponytail while the other one has like an army kind of haircut. What surprises me is the little sparkle in their eyes. There's none. They're barely alive. They're dead inside. They're the Capitol's toys. They won't be any help to us. I don't think the girls are going to be any help either. They're Careers. They don't know what pity means. And I'm not risking my life into teaching them.

"Well, well, well," the dark-haired girl says. "Look what we've got here."

"Well that was easy," the other girl laughs.

The boys leave, saying they're going to find some wood for a fire. They know it's down between the eight of us. It means they have all the time they need to kill us. The Game Makers will let them do their job because they're going to make it bloody, and it's going to put up quite a show.

I don't like how they look at us, as if we were some piece of meat to eat. That's probably what she thinks. We're just another job for her, just another _animal _to kill. It's no different. And she's right. I would have thought that way before. That's what I would have told myself when I would have killed Elven and Piper. I would have told myself that they had to die, that they would have died one way or another and better it was by my own hand. Of course, these were just excuses to try to make you feel better about yourself.

The black-haired girl takes a step forward and our eyes meet. "You look familiar," she says.

I don't answer and just stare at her face. I need to come up with a plan. I need to think of something. But the more I think, the less ideas I have. It's like I can't think clearly anymore. Liam, Elven and Piper are too far away from me to talk to them discretely. If I want to communicate with them, it's really not going to be subtle. And I don't really know them well enough to talk to them with some sort of code. They wouldn't understand, and if by some miracle they did, I would be lost.

"Leave her alone," Elven's voice snaps.

I look up and frown. He wasn't that close last time I checked … It feels like the cages we're trapped in have moved. But they cannot. It's just my mind that's playing games with me. That must be it. I'm so hungry and thirsty and exhausted. That must be it. And yet, I still cannot sleep. If I do, it's going to be golden opportunity for the Careers to kill all of us. Even if I don't sleep and stay wide awake, there is nothing that I can do. I'm powerless and most of all, weaponless. So unless I can actually make a knife—or anything—appear just by wanting it, I'm pretty much useless.

She turns around and look at Elven with interest. "Oh, wait. I get it. That's you. Finnick's children?" She laughs as she takes a closer look to Elven.

I feel Liam's eyes on me. I turn to look at him, and I see him shaking his head. I frown, not understanding what he means by this. Then, he mouths something I don't quite get. I think he wants us to make her believe that Elven and I are Finnick's children? So he and Piper are going to be Katniss's children? And what exactly is the point in doing so?

"Yeah," Elven says.

I feel taken aback a little. Why would he lie? Has he understood what Liam wanted to do? This entire thing doesn't make any sense. This lie isn't going to help any of us. In the end, we still are Finnick's and Katniss's children. It doesn't change that fact. No matter who's who, it's not going to change anything in the Careers' minds. Why would it?

The girl turns to Piper. "How sweet. You're taking care of his sister," she says.

I notice the way Elven has to control himself. If he were listening to his instincts, he'd be protecting his sister with his body. But since he has claimed to be _my _brother, he cannot. This entire camouflage would blow if he did so.

"Yeah," Elven agrees. "Fishes can help build muscles."

Surprisingly, he's very strong. I don't really know what he did in his District. I know that Twelve is known for … the mines, I believe. Maybe he's like his father. I know that Peeta was strong, too.

"And why are you trusting him with your sister?" the girl asks Liam with curiosity.

Liam swallows his saliva and without even blinking, look at the girl and lies, "He was trusting me with his sister."

She starts to laugh like crazy. It almost feels as if she's possessed. "Trust. You guys are pathetic. Trust." She laughs again. "Don't you know what's the entire purpose of the Games? There is _no _trust involved. Weak make alliances. Strong make alliances, too. It's not about trust. It's about who's the strongest."

A voice is suddenly heard behind her. "And that is definitely not you." A knife is thrown, and the timing is perfect. Surprised, the girl turns around and as she does, she sees the knife sinking in her chest. She opens her mouth to scream, but nothing comes out of it. When she touches the ground, she's already dead.

The other girl walks to the dead body of her ally and grabs the knife. She takes it out of her chest as we hear the gong. Her body is taken away as the killer watches.

When the two boys return, they ask where she went. "I killed her."

"You did what?" one of the boy yells.

"I killed her," she repeats, making sure she's pronouncing every single syllable very slowly. "She was on a power trip."

He punches a tree in anger, but doesn't say anything. I wonder who was the girl to him. Did he like her? That is, indeed, a very weird question to be asking myself. It shouldn't be love that we find in the Games. We shouldn't find anything else than the end, nothing else than the true death. That's why they exist. But that doesn't mean that the end's going to be pretty. It will, most likely, be bloody. It has to be. It's still a television show.

"Lilith," the other boy says, "next time, think a little before doing something stupid."

"They're more than us now," the angry boys snaps.

"The girls are no problem. We can take them down in a minute," Lilith groans back.

I'm tempted to protest, but I don't. If she thinks I'm weak, I'll let her believe that I am. I'll let them think I'm useless.

"Rykeir, tell him," Lilith begs. "Tell him."

Rykeir—the one with the army haircut—turns to look at the angry boy and rolls his eyes. "Wilke, mate, it's okay."

"She had no right to kill her! She wasn't even supposed to look at her!" Wilke explodes.

I glance at Liam, and he shrugs. I can see Elven frowning from over there. He leans down to whisper something in his sister's ear, and I wish … oh, I wish that it was me with him, trapped in this cage. Everything in my body tells me that it hates to be this far away from Elven.

Lilith takes out her knife and shakes it under Wilke's nose as a threat. I've seen her face when she killed her ally. She won't hesitate to do the same with him if he annoys her. She's not the kind of girl who's going to feel any pity towards her opponent. If he crosses her line, he's a dead man.

"Keep your energy for the fight, later," Lilith hisses as she stares right into his eyes. "You'll need it." And she turns around, hiding the knife somewhere on her body.

Rykeir gives Wilke a look that means a lot and follows Lilith, too. I see how Wilke has a hard time trying to control and tame his anger. I glance straight at him until he looks up and sees me observing him. He walks to me, "Whatcha lookin' at?"

I shrug, with a smile, turning my head a little, as if I was hiding the biggest secret ever.

"Don't mess with me, girl, or you'll regret it," he warns me. He doesn't even have to say it twice. I know that he means it.

"And how am I going to regret this?" I say. "If you wanted me dead, I'd be fucking dead by now."

He turns around, and I see the anger in his eyes like never before. If I want to get him mad, this starts very well.

"Wanna see blood?" he growls. "'Cause I'll make you see yours."

He takes out a knife—why does everyone owns a knife, for God's sake?—and holds it tight in his hand. I look at the light gleaming on the knife's blade. It feels like the light you're supposed to see at the end of the tunnel when you die. Maybe that's it. The light I wanted to see.

I look back into Wilke's eyes. He's _this _close to losing it. I only need to push it a little.

"Yeah, right. As soon as you'll have seen it, you'll faint, you little coward," I snap back.

The sparkle in his eyes tells me that I have hit the right nerve. He's barely eighteen. If there's something big in him, it's probably his ego. And who wants to think that he's afraid of the sight of blood? He's supposed to be a real tough guy. I'm going to give him the opportunity to be. He just has to take it. I'm gladly giving it to him.

He takes one other step forward and as he throws the knife straight at me, aiming for my heart, I take one last look at Elven whose mouth is opened in a "O" as he realizes what I'm trying to do. I didn't want things to end up like this. But I know that if Wilke kills me, Lilith will kill him. And then, Liam, Elven and Piper, they're going to be three against two. They have a chance to make it. They might make it. If they're wise, they're going to be protecting the little girl. It drives me crazy that she's going to be safe, but … this is the only option that I can think of to save Liam. If he wasn't blood-related to me, none of this would have happened to him. If it's my fault, I need to fix it. And maybe, somewhere, deep down inside of his dead body, my father will be proud of me.

I mouth, "I'm sorry," to Elven, but I know that Liam has caught it, too.

And then, I close my eyes, waiting for the impact, waiting for the pain and praying that it's going to be well-done and quickly done. But the seconds pass and still, nothing. I open up my eyes when I hear a little shriek. What I see paralyzes me with horror. The knife which was supposed to end up in my own heart has ended up in Wilke's. He's lying on the ground, eyes opened with surprise, dead.

"What the fuck happened?" Lilith groans as she leans down to take the knife out.

She doesn't even have the time to do so; the gong is heard. She gets up after this, knowing it's too late to try to save him. She turns her eyes on me. She's so angry it feels like she's blind. Blinded by anger. Do I really need to remind her she's the one who wanted him dead in the first place?

"What happened?" she screams, hysterically.

Rykeir appears behind her and sees his ally's body being taken away. He immediately storms out, shaking Lilith. "What did you do?" he shouts. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" she yells. "It wasn't me!"

I think they're going to argue over that until one of them grabs a weapon and kills the other one when Liam speaks up, "She's telling you the truth."

They both look up and stop arguing. I turn my head to glance at Liam, wondering at what game he's playing. We're already in one, I really don't need to be playing two.

"When he threw the knife at her, it bounced back and the blade turned and killed him."

That's when I understand. The cages. It's not a trap for us. It's a trap for them. They're going to die, one way or another. And when they will … it's going to get down between Liam, Elven, Piper and I. And whoever's going to make it out alive will be one of us. Yet, this doesn't make any sense. Why would they want the leaders' kids to win if it means saving one of them? But I can easily figure that they've planned a really painful come back. No matter who's going to win, we're all going to lose in the end.

* * *

_Absolutly Adorkable: Thank you! _

_HungerGamesLoverr: I'm actually from Canada-Quebec (although I think that I have already told you that...). And thanks a lot! _

_atlaluver: Hahaha, don't worry about that! It is a fact that Elven's name looks and sounds like "eleven". Well, now you know! :) Thank you for the review! _

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I hope that you liked that chapter! xx_


	18. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone! I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I hope that you're all having a great time! **

**I won't say "Happy New Year" because I believe that I will post another chapter before that. But if I don't, Happy New Year. I hope that your dreams come true, and that 2013 will be full of good surprises. **

* * *

They've been arguing for what feels like hours. They can't shut up. I really want to tell them to shut the fuck up, but I don't have the strength to open the mouth. If they don't die soon, I think I'm going to faint. We haven't eaten in days. I can barely move. I didn't know what was so exciting about the Games at that precise moment. We were the only ones alive, and everything we did was … nothing. Lilith and Rykeir were basically just hunting, drinking and watching us while Piper, Elven, Liam and I were just sitting in the cages, waiting for god knows what. They couldn't harm us by throwing swords. They saw what it did to their friend, Wilke, and they don't want it to happen to them. But if they don't try something very soon, even if they die, I won't have the strength to put up a good fight.

I still cannot believe that I have tried to get myself killed for Katniss's children. I think that the air in the arena is not doing me any good. There must have been something in it because I would never have thought of this on my own. I don't understand why I would want to save them, considering the fact that I wanted them dead in the first place.

My entire body is hurting. It's like I can't find a position that's comfortable. I can't rest. It's not even that I'm hungry. It's not that I'm thirsty; it rained last night. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't focus on one thing. Everything is just so … unclear, hazy, woolly.

"Look at her," I hear Lilith mocking. "Look at her. She's gone mad."

I hear footsteps near my prison, but I can't even see them. It's not that I'm blinded, but it feels like it. I just feel really … lost.

"Maybe we should give her something to eat," Rykeir suggests.

"Something to eat? Have you lost your mind?" Lilith groans.

"No," Rykeir says. "We've been told to keep them alive."

"She's alive."

"Barely."

I don't even have the strength to approve Rykeir. I try to look at Elven or at Liam, but I don't even see them. They feel so far away while they're like two meters away from me. I can hear them breathing sometimes. I can hear Piper whining in her sleep—even crying sometimes. And then, I'd hear Elven's sweet voice calming her down. It always works. And I really wish that he was next to me. I have this feeling that I would feel a hell of a lot better if he were next to me. I want him. I need him. I'm desperate for just one touch.

What did the Capitol do with me? What have they done with me? All I'm craving is one single touch from Elven. He hasn't even talked to me in what feels like days. All he seems to be able to do is talk to his goddamn little sister. I should have got rid of her when I still had the opportunity. Damn you, I think. I never should have hesitated. If I hadn't, she wouldn't be here anymore. And Katniss Everdeen wouldn't be peaceful anymore. She might not be, but she would have been destroyed. Now she's not because she's seen my only weakness.

"She's gone mad," Lilith repeats. "Just like her mother."

Maybe that's what I needed because it makes my eyes flash with anger. The fog is gone now—fog I was probably the only one to see.

I get up, weakly, but I do. "What did you say?"

She looks at me as to say that she's ready for whatever challenge she has heard in my voice.

"I said that you have gone mad, just like your mother." She shrugs, and her lips curve into an evil smile. "That must be genetic."

I jump on my feet and try to grab her neck through the space between the bars, but my hand won't get through. It burns a little, but I don't care. I'm going to make her regret she was ever born.

She begins to laugh when she realizes that I'm powerless. I can't get out of the trap I'm in. I can't get out, and they can't get in.

"You shut the fuck up," I hiss at her.

She rolls her eyes, and raises her hands up, pretending to be scared. "Oh, you're scaring me," she mocks. "Please, don't kill me," she mimics.

Rykeir puts a hand on her shoulder. "Lilith," he says. "Enough."

She groans. "Can't even have fun? It's boring, Rykeir. I need some action."

"I know," he sighs. "Me too."

"This entire thing is driving me crazy," Lilith moans.

"I almost pity you," Elven's voice says.

I almost jump on my feet and turn around to look at him. He looks so tired. His skin is whiter. And the fire that was burning in his eyes is extinguished. Maybe he's given up. He can't give up. He cannot give up!

I need to get my shit together in order to hope, in order to make sure that he'll keep up the fight. I don't even want to take a look at his sister. She must be in really bad shape. She was already pretty bad when Liam and I saved her. I don't think she got any better. I wonder if she'll die here before the cages disappear. At least, that would upset Elven, and maybe he'd kill the Careers on his own … maybe even get killed in the process. _Get killed? What are you thinking? _Right. I don't know what I'm thinking. I still have no idea what to do. All I know is that I ought to do something. I _have _to.

"Hey, Rykeir, right?" I say.

He looks up at me, and he nods, frowning, wondering what I want. That is a really good question. I don't know.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"I don't know if you've heard, but …"

"I know who you are. Finnick's daughter," Rykeir says. "How can I not notice? If he had been a girl, I'm assuming he would look just like you."

"That's not what I meant," I reply. "You don't know what's my biggest goal? You don't know why I'm still alive, do you?"

"You're still alive because I haven't figured out a way to kill you yet without dying," Rykeir answers dryly.

"Why are you talking to her?" Lilith asks. "She's totally worthless."

"That's where you're wrong, Lilith," I say. "I could be on your side, you know."

I hear Liam snapping out as he understands what I am doing. Joining the Careers's alliance. What I should have done from the beginning.

"You could be on our side? And what is that supposed to mean?" Lilith says. "You were _with _them, helping them out. You're not on our side."

"I am," I protest. "You know … if my father died, it's because of Katniss Everdeen. If she had kept her fucking mouth shut, if she had done what people were expecting, maybe we wouldn't be here today. Maybe my father would still be alive. It's because of her if everything's the way it is today. We have absolutely no freedom left! The Capitol's taken everything away from us because of her!"

"She tried," Lilith pleads. "At least, she tried."

"You believed in her?" I groan. "She's an idiot. Look where it got us." I take a deep breath. I still haven't heard a single word coming from Piper and Elven while I am pretty sure that they have heard—and understood—every word that I have said. Piper doesn't know what I'm doing. She's probably already thinking that I'm going to betray them—which I will. And Elven … Too bad for Elven. I cannot … This isn't happening. "Listen, when I came here, all I wanted to do was kill her children. Let me do this for you. Let me kill them. I want their blood on my hands. I want to be the one to take their lives away, so their mother knows exactly what it feels like to be powerless to save someone that you love." There is so much bitterness in my voice, so much anger, so much pain and sadness, that they can only believe me. I can see Rykeir's face changing. I think that he didn't know that I came here, looking for revenge.

"Oh, so you're the one," he says.

"The one?" What does that mean?

He shakes his head. "Yeah, I've been told that there was some kind of personal vendetta going on this year. It's yours."

I nod yes. "Yeah. And being trapped in here doesn't help accomplish my vendetta. I don't want to see them die because they'll be too thirsty or too hungry. I want them to beg for their lives. I want them to ask me to stop, to promise everything that they can't do, I want to see the last sparkle of life leaving their eyes forever."

Lilith gives me a weird look. "She's psycho."

Rykeir shakes his hand to make her hush. "She's not. Or that would make me a psycho, too."

I frown as Lilith rolls her eyes. It occurs to me that they know each other. They're probably from the same District, but I'm not going to ask because truly, it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference.

"Why would we even listen to you? As soon as you're out, you could jump on us and try to get us both killed," Lilith says.

I shrug. "I don't know. If I was trying to play you, you are two, and I am alone. Seriously, what harm can I do to you?"

I see by the way she's frowning that she's thinking. She thinks that I am right, that even if I wanted to hurt them, I couldn't because they're more than I. And I think that if she's a true Career, she's going to think that she's stronger and smarter than me. In her mind, I have absolutely no chance against her. I don't stand a chance. And maybe she's right. Maybe I don't stand a change. But I ought to do it. Doesn't matter for who. I just have to. They need some action, and so do I. Lilith's desperate for something to do. I'll give her. On a silver plate. It's her choice to decide whether she wants things to end up like her buddy—Wilke I believe. She's going to agree. She'll say yes. And Rykeir will go along with her. I think that … I think that he _understands _me. When he said … that if I were psycho, it would mean that he was psycho, too. That means … He knows my vendetta. If he can compared himself to me, maybe it means that he has one too. That would make us too much alike. No. He's probably from District One. District One tributes don't have vendettas. They have everything for themselves. The Capitol basically loves them, I guess. It's almost always them the Victors. So it doesn't make any sense to think that he would have some kind of personal vendetta going on this year, too.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, I'd want you in, but you can't get out," Rykeir says.

I frown. Obviously, they can't break the prison that I'm trapped in. And I can't either because I don't have any weapons, and they won't give me any—they can't. And I'm not about to start biting the bars.

"Jess! What the hell?" Liam shouts.

I don't even look at him. "Shut up," I hiss.

I turn my head a little to glance at Elven. He doesn't seem to be shocked. He has knelt down in front of his sister, and he's whispering sweet words to her ear. I wish … _No. You don't wish anything with him. You don't want him. _Yeah, I don't. I don't want him. _Look away, Jessyka. Look away right now. _But I can't move. I think that he actually feels me staring at him because he looks up and our eyes meet and lock.

And everything that I see in his eyes devastates me. He doesn't even seem in pain; he also seems disappointed, betrayed, broken, _heart_broken. Some part of me would want to take everything back, would want to … just erase what I said, and … _be _with him. But I shut that part immediately. My mind has to win that battle. My mind's going to fight like never before. And my mind will win. But will _I_ win?

He doesn't understand. He doesn't accept the fact that we are not happening. He doesn't … He's _killing _me! How can I … No. _Stop looking at him. Stop looking at him. Turn your head. Stop looking. _

"Is something wrong?" Rykeir's voice asks.

I startle a little but finally take my eyes off Elven to look at Rykeir. Lilith has seen where I was looking at, and she says, "I think her brother disagrees."

Rykeir turns his head and sees the look on Elven's face. He frowns, gets up, and goes stand right in front of Elven. "You're Finnick's boy?"

Elven shakes his head. "Technically, he's my biological father, but I ain't his boy," he lies.

Rykeir raises an eyebrow as he studies carefully Elven's face. "No, you're not."

I turn my head, all of a sudden, and I am absolutely sure that all Lilith would see in my eyes if she'd look at me is fear. How can Rykeir know? How can he know? He can't guess. Is that obvious? I mean … I didn't even know that Liam was Finnick's kid. How could he know? How can he know that … ? Oh my Gosh, I'm in deep shit. We're in deep shit. I didn't want Elven to get into trouble. But since he's behind bars, he's untouchable. That should save him for a bit. But … then, Rykeir will figure out that even if I haven't technically lied, that I have got along with Liam and Elven's lie, which would make him not "trust" me any longer. And then, my entire acting thing would blow up. If it hasn't blown up already. It's probably too late.

"What do you mean, I'm not?" Elven asks carefully. I know he's still on his guard. Even if I have said aloud that I want to kill him—even if, in this case, they think that I want to kill Liam—he doesn't betray me. He doesn't reveal the entire truth. He doesn't say anything. How can he not?

"I mean that you are not related to Finnick in any way. I'd say that—" Rykeir says, looking up, showing that he's thinking very deeply.

The tension is almost unbearable. I don't even want to know what's next. I don't … Rykeir's much more clever than I thought.

When he finally looks up, I know that he has figured everything out.

He smiles, one evil smile—and quite frankly, he seems to be pretty satisfied—and he says, "I'd say that you're Katniss and Peeta's son … and that this little girl is your sister. Am I right?" He has this sparkle in his eyes as if he's going to win the jackpot if he has got the right answer.

Now, what is Elven going to say? Is he going to admit that he has been lying … to protect me? If he does … And it wasn't even to protect me because that strategy was totally … just useless.

"Yes," Elven finally says.

Rykeir smiles again and turns to Liam. "And you are Finnick's boy." He observes him a little. "Yeah, I can definitely see the resemblance."

"Rykeir," Lilith says, getting irritated.

He makes her shut up by waving the hand at her. "Not now, Lilith." He looks back at Elven. "So, why did you lie when we assumed that you were Finnick's boy? Why …" Then, he turns and his eyes meet mine. He's figured it all out. "Oh, I see." He lets out a dry laugh, but he feels like a mad man to me, although I would never admit this aloud because it would be like admitting that my mother is mad, which I can't say out loud. "So, you and her, huh?" he teases Elven.

If a look could kill, Elven would have murdered Rykeir in a second. That would have been quite practical. But looks cannot kill.

"How did it happen? You met back home, or … The Capitol?" he guesses.

"The Capitol," I snap coldly. I don't want him to think that I truly care about Elven. Do I? I don't even know myself. It's like … in a way, I do, but I don't want to, so it feels like I don't. It's so exhausting to be torn apart by two complete opposite feelings about one single person. I can't let him do this to me. He doesn't have the right to. Maybe the Capitol has put him inside my heart, but that doesn't mean that he can control everything that I do or think. I don't want to give him such power. I won't.

"How did the Capitol do this?" Rykeir asks, curiously.

"Love potion," Elven calmly explains. It's as if we both are detached from the truth. As if … the potion hadn't worked. As if my entire body isn't dying for just one touch. And I'm sure that he's craving that same one touch, too. I really don't know what he's going to do. I … We didn't figure this out. We didn't think that we'd come to this. He said that we would be all right. But that's just a silly lie. He's going to have to choose. Between his sister and I. And I know who he'll pick. I've seen him. I've noticed the way he is around his sister. And I know that, even if the Capitol has tried to trick us, he's never going to fail his sister. He's not going to let her down. He'd die if that meant that she would be safe.

I look up, and Elven's eyes cross mine. I think his are the reflection of mine. We both know that it's only a matter of time before he'll have to deal with me. And by dealing with me, I mean dealing with me with a … sword or a knife or anything else.

Then, I frown. I just thought of something. Before, I have had some dreams. About my father, my mother but also about … Silver. In that dream, it was shown that she betrayed me and that she won over me. But she's dead. If that dream never happened … it means that the others aren't real. And if so … It means that my father never meant the words that someone had placed into his mouth. It means that everything is just a creation from the Capitol. It means that … that maybe he'd agree with me today, that maybe he'd be okay with what I'm doing. And if that is true, it means that … there is no doubt anymore. Besides, I can't know for sure if it was my father. I've never met him, how am I supposed to know the way he acts, speaks or behaves? I don't. Therefore, it's very easy for the Capitol to fool me. They might have fooled everyone else. The dream Katniss had. Maybe it was fake, too. It probably was. The Capitol wanted to know what would happen once Elven would have figured out my true identity. Nothing went the way they planned, I think.

Silver died for us when I didn't fully trust her, when I thought that she was this close to back stab me. It's not that I fully trust Elven either. Being in love … it doesn't mean that he would die for me. He won't. And I will not die for him. That's obvious. It just makes every other decision much more difficult. It just makes everything else so confusing. Because we _know _what we should do, we know what should be done, but still, there is this thought in the back of our minds that tells us that we aren't doing the right thing.

I'm lost.

If Silver was here … I'm sure that she'd figure out a solution that would be good for everyone here. But she's not. Because … because they killed her. Johanna's daughter. She was supposed to be my ally! She was supposed to be okay. She was supposed to … She was supposed to be here, with me. She was supposed to be alive, safe and sound. I should have protected her. I should've been there for her when she really needed me. But I wasn't. I let her down. Maybe she's dead because of me. _No, _I think. _She is. _She's dead because of me. Maybe I didn't drive the sword through her heart, but I killed her by not being there, by not trusting her.

"Love potion. That's interesting," Rykeir says. Then, he turns to me. "So, love, what's it gonna be?"

I frown. "What?"

"You heard me. What's it gonna be? You're gonna kill him? You'll avenge your father?"

"That's if she can get out," Elven snaps.

Rykeir starts to laugh. "Oh, lover boy," he says, ironically. And it is. Liam and I aren't star-crossed lovers, but … Elven and I are. And what Rykeir has just called Elven … Clove called Peeta like this. "Every love story can't be as fabulous as your parents's. You and her can't win. Your parents were just lucky that Cato didn't break Peeta's neck. He should have." And the way he says Cato's name … so full of emotion, so full of bitterness and anger …

I stare at him, eyes wide opened, as I understand. I should have made an alliance with him. He would have kept me on the right way, and we would have both win—not the Games, but our personal vendettas. Because we pursue the same enemy.

Same hair color, same eyes … Bloody brutal Rykeir. He's Cato's little brother.

* * *

_Surprised? Probably. I haven't even thought of introducing Cato's family member until that precise moment. I kind of loved Cato, too. I hope that you liked that, and that you don't think there's too much ... I don't know, personal vendetta going on, or something like that. Anyway, I can't wait to know what you guys thought! _

_Again, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! You guys were the Christmas Present that I loved the most. Thank you all for reading, and reviewing. You are all awesome!_

* * *

_Julia: Hey, mate! I thought that you were dead, or something when I didn't get any feedback from you! I know it's silly, but I was kind of worried about you. I'm glad to hear that you're all right! Thank you for the lovely review, and I know last chapter was different. It was kind of meant to be that way. I hope that you liked it. And don't worry. Every anglophone I know is struggling with the grammar in French. There's a lot, and frankly ... it's really complicated for nothing. Hope you liked that chapter!_

_Margot: Hi! Of course I know your friend (and mine)! Thank you so much for the review. You have no idea how much it means, and I'm SOOO happy that you liked it! When Bibi told me that she was going to tell her friends about my story, I was so nervous that you wouldn't like it! So glad to see that it's not the case. And your English is pretty good, don't worry. Mine ain't perfect either. You're sooo sweet! Hahaha, I hope that I didn't disappoint you with that chapter! _

_atlaluver: Oh, gosh, I love you! I just love your review. There's just no other way to say this! And I have no intention of ripping your heart out, I would like you to be alive! And you have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you actually love the characters. Thanks for the very beautiful christmas present you gave me by reviewing! _

_moonlite982: Thank you for the review, and I hope that you'll keep on reading, and liking it! _

_Tom: Hi! I'm so glad that you reviewed! And, yes I think you're the first boy to read this story ... And maybe I'm wrong, but yeah, I don't think so. And I do hope that you felt honored! Haha, thank you a lot. I'm happy that I can ... maybe change your mind about fanfictions! Hope you'll keep on reading! And that you liked that chapter. Later! _

_inlovewithpeeta: Don't apologize for not reviewing! You don't have to, but I love that you do! And I hope this update made you smile, because your review definitely did make me smile! And thank you for asking, I am having a great time, mostly used to write. And, indeed, you will hear from me very soon. I'll try to do one chapter per week, but I'm afraid that if I do so, I'll run out of things to say, and that I'll have to end the fanfiction, and that's like the last thing that I want to do because all my readers are just SO awesome and great! I'd miss you if the story came to an end. And, how was your Christmas? I hope that you're having a lovely time!_

_HungerGamesLoverr: Hello, my friend. Thanks a lot for telling your friends to read my fanfiction. You know how much it actually means to me. And ... please, don't die. You just read what happened next, and you won't have to wait too long until you know what will happen after this. And no need to beg ... I just can't resist on my own, anyway! _

* * *

_By the way! HungerGamesLoverr just started to write a fanfiction, and I think it's great! You should check it out! It's about the Hunger Games (obviously!), and ... Just check it out! :) _


	19. Chapter 18

**Hey! I'm sorry I kept you waiting for more than a week! I hope that you'll think this chapter was worth the wait. **

* * *

Cato's little brother, Rykeir. I heard about him but never made the connection. I'm not even sure he was born when his brother volunteered. I think that maybe Cato's mother was pregnant when he was in the Games. Or it was after. I don't really know. I just know that I have heard that Cato's mother was pregnant with a boy. I can't even tell when Rykeir was born. Probably around the same time than I did.

If I had known from the beginning … I could have found him and teamed up with him. He wouldn't have let me deviate from my original goal. If the Capitol wanted me to achieve it, why didn't they let me meet Rykeir before? Why did they do this to me? Why did they make me fall in love with Elven? For God's sake! Rykeir was the only ally that I needed although it's a slightly too late now, no matter how hard I wish it weren't.

"You know what?" Rykeir says to no one in particular. "Maybe Cato wasn't … clever enough to kill lover boy when he had the chance to, but I will." He takes one step forward, staring right into Elven's eyes. I can only see his back, but I have no difficulties actually picturing the fire raging in his eyes. It must be the same burning in mine. "And things will be the way they should have been. Your father never should have made it out alive. He made it because your mother saved him. But she"—he points at me—"will not be any help to you. But that shouldn't pain her too much, right?" He turns to look at me. He's waiting for me to nod. Has he understood that I have figured out who he is?

I look at him, wishing that I could see right _through _him, to know what he's planning to do, but I can't. I can't even read what's on Elven's mind. But before I can open up my mouth, another voice is heard, "I'm sorry." I frown when I realize that it's Piper. I notice that she's crying, and that her voice is barely a whisper. She looks so fragile right now—not that she didn't before.

"Don't apologize, Piper," Elven hisses. "You didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault, all right?" He kneels down to look at her in the eyes, but she turns her head, and our eyes meet for a second. And I know why she's apologizing. She's not being sorry for her behavior because truly, she's been irreproachable. She did nothing wrong. She's just a little kid. She shouldn't even be allowed to be in the Games, but there she is, apologizing for something that she didn't do.

"No." She shakes her head. "I know that Mom didn't mean to hurt all those people, Elven. They have to know it. She meant no harm. Tell them! Tell them that she would never hurt anyone!" Her voice is like a scream, a shriek that grazed my ears.

I think that I've seen red. It's not that I'm mat at Piper. But, yeah, it is. She just doesn't understand. She can't. She's just a child. Of course she's taking Katniss's side. It's her mother, for chrissake! _But … Isn't that what you're doing? Taking what you think would be Finnick's side? _I don't even bother to think about what my inner voice has said. Because I don't want it to be right. It can't.

"She meant no harm? Is she kidding me?" Rykeir shouts. "All the people that she killed, all the ones that followed her when she led that stupid revolution who died! Don't tell me that she wasn't responsible for this because she was!"

He looks at me, as if he's waiting for me to support him. I don't even think about what to do, about what's right because … I can't. I can't think anymore. I don't want to.

"But she's not," Elven says. "People followed her. She didn't force them."

"If she had behaved like everyone else, nothing would have happened," I snap.

Elven turns his head to look at me, understanding that I have chosen to take sides, and that I am not siding with him. I could mouth "I'm sorry" but I won't. Because … he's always known that things would get down there. He knew. I never promised to keep him safe. I never promised to forget my vendetta.

"And things would have been better," Rykeir adds. "We'd still have the Hunger Games, yes. But maybe you wouldn't have been in them. Maybe you would have had a chance to make it through. But you didn't. Aren't you just a little pissed at her for doing this? For ruining your life, too?"

I raise an eyebrow, noticing what Rykeir is trying to do. I think it has no purpose. Elven and Piper will never turn their back on their mother.

"No," Elven says. "She did what she thought was right. She could have made it, you know. If she had, you wouldn't want to kill her. You'd adore her."

"But she didn't!" I bark. "She just sent us all to die."

"Because you think that it's easy for her to watch _us _die?"

"Yes," I scream. "Yes, I think so! Just think of the way she let my father die, watching him, so easily. And she said that she cared about him! Bullshit. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She saved her ass, and she didn't care about my father's. Collateral damages, she'd say. That's fucking bullshit. She could have helped him! She could have done something, but she didn't. No matter who dies, as long as she's safe, right?" My voice was full of bitterness. I couldn't hold back the anger, the resentment, and all the emotions that I had been trying to keep in all those years. I can't hold them back anymore. I just … I needed to explode. I need to. I have to.

"Jess," Liam interrupts.

"Not now, Liam," I reply madly. "He was your father too. Don't you even care a little?"

"He wasn't my father," he says. "Blood means nothing."

"Right. You can't even know what it's like, growing up without a father because you all had one. You can't even understand, so don't even try to pretend that you do."

"But—"

"Liam, I swear to God, shut up right now or I'll make you shut up."

I hear Elven letting out a dry laugh, and I look at him. He's got up, after wiping his sister's tears. If it could be this easy … If my burning fire could be put out just as easily, it would be fine. But I have the feeling that it can't be extinguished. Not even with water. Not even with sand. It'll only die with blood. Their blood.

I shoot a look at Elven, almost wanting to rip his throat out, right now, right here.

"Look at you, Jessy," he says, and I notice how he has called me. I know why. If he thinks that I'm going to be sweeter, he's wrong. "Look at what you've become. You're not even alive. You're just controlled by your pain. Let it go before it kills you."

"You know what, Elven? I wouldn't actually mind being killed. If you want me to sweeten, you're going to have to try something else."

"Oh, I think that you do mind dying."

"You don't even know me."

"I know enough."

I stare, not knowing what exactly is the point in everything he just said. I'm not controlled by my pain. I have a goal to achieve. I have something, a purpose in life. But I control it. Nothing—and no one—can control me. Ever. And he's no exception to the rule. If he thinks that … Gosh, what did I do? Never should have even thought of letting him in. He's just going to destroy everything. I've shown him my weak side, but now I need him to know that this side of me has died, that it's gone, and that it's not coming back. Rykeir and I are the same. Elven and I aren't. Therefore, I owe him nothing. He's everything that I have sworn to destroy. And I won't be a traitor. I won't betray everything that I have always believed in just for his beautiful eyes.

"That's just a proof that you have no idea what we've been through," Rykeir says. He looks at me and nods. I think that he's aware that I know. "We both are collateral damages to your mother actions."

"I'm sorry," Piper repeats. "I know she's sorry. I hear her cry every night and tell Dad that she wished she could die if that meant bringing back all her friends who died."

"All the friends _she _sent to die," I correct coldly.

"She sent no one to die!" Elven screams. Piper curl up, afraid by her brother's anger. He doesn't even try to comfort her. He's just exploded, too. Great. That's what I wanted. "She tried to help everyone! She tried to free us from the Capitol! She tried to give us back our freedom!"

"What freedom, Elven?" I yell. I don't even remember what freedom feels like—probably because I never had any.

"Exactly! You never had any! She wanted that back for us! For the next generation! She didn't do it for her. She did it for all of us."

"She should've—"

"Shut up! All of you!" Lilith screams. "Shut the fuck up! Everyone. I don't want to hear a single word! You're all insane!"

I think we all turned our heads to look at Lilith and basically try to have her murder just by staring at her. Rykeir could have killed her, but I think that he won't. I know that he won't. At least, not yet.

"Look at you! All arguing on whether or not Katniss Everdeen was right. It doesn't matter if she was or not because we're here, and there's nothing that we can change about the past. She might have messed up, but if she had made it, we'd all be grateful to her." She breathes and looks at all of us, one after the other. "Keep arguing like that, and I'm going to be the Victor. I don't really mind that, but I mind you yelling like fucking animals."

Rykeir is the first one to back off. "Sorry, Lilith."

"I'm not the one you should apologized to."

He shoots her a look and walks away from Elven's prison to mine. He leans down and stares into my eyes. "I know what it's like," he says. "Growing up without someone that you loved, that you were so desperate for their approval. I know. Trust me. I do."

"I know," I whisper. "Cato … You're his brother."

He doesn't even look surprised. "I guess that I shouldn't be surprised that you know. I knew who you were before you told us. You look like him." The sound of admiration that I think that I hear in his voice astonished me. He smiles a little when he notices. "My mother … She used to tell me stories about your father. She said that she thought that Cato would win. She said that she wanted him to be just like Finnick."

I almost feel like crying. I didn't expect that at all. I don't really know Cato. Everything that I know of him is what I have seen on the screen. Yes, he was arrogant which I don't think my father was. And no, I don't think that he could have been anything like my father, but I don't say anything to Rykeir. He probably wouldn't even want to listen to me, and I don't feel like starting another fight. At least, I'll have Rykeir on my side since Elven is not anymore, along with Liam and Piper—even if that's not a big loss.

I smile at him, oh, a very little sad smile, and he answers by one, too. There's no need for words between us. He gets me like no one before. And he's not even trying. He doesn't need to. He doesn't have to. He just does understand. I don't even have to explain. He understands because he's just like me. He's me … just in a boy's body. We're the same.

"I'll figure out a way to get you out of there," he promises.

"Thanks."

He just nods and walks away. I think that he needs some space, some time to be along and think about everything that just happened, think about his brother—his dead brother, killed by Katniss. She'd say that she did him a favor by killing him. But I don't know about that. I mean … Cato's the one who did her a favor by not killing Peeta. He had had plenty of time to, but he didn't. I still wonder why. I never really fully understood why he never did it. It seemed obvious to him that he wouldn't be the Victor, that he wouldn't win. He should've at least killed one of them before being murdered. That's what I would have done. That's what everyone would have done. I just don't get why he didn't. He was a Career! He knew all of this better than any of us. Guess we all just turn a little mad in the Games.

Lilith takes one last good look at me, and she takes a step forward and glances at me, straight into the eyes, as to see the color of my soul. "I hope that you know what you're doing," she tells me. "Rykeir's been … obsessed with this year's Games. He volunteered, you know that? He said that he'd kill them. Katniss's children. And he said he'd kill you, too."

I don't even blink. For those who don't really know, they might as well think that my father played a huge part in the revolution. He could have. "But I think that he's reconsidered your case," she continues. "Don't lead him on. He's not going to stop until he'll have his revenge." She takes a deep breath. "And I know that the Capitol thinks they have some kind of power over you because of the love potion, but I know that you are just like Rykeir. You're not going to stop until you'll get what you came here for."

I look at her, hesitating between agreeing and denying. Then, I realize that it's not going to make any difference. Elven and Piper—and perhaps Liam—already think that I have betrayed them. What could be worse?

"That's what I'm afraid of," I whisper. "Not being able to stop."

"Well, figure it out, and quickly. Rykeir doesn't give second chances," she warns me, and then, she turns around and follows Rykeir even though I think he'd rather be alone. But I mean, maybe she's his friend—although that's very useless here. But she can't even know him. I remember now. When they showed us who was still standing. Elven was pissed because both tributes from 1 were still standing, and the boy from 2. The boy from 2 being Rykeir, it's impossible that he knew Lilith. She's probably the girl from 1, because she looks like a Career. She might as well have killed her own "ally" herself if he had dared to upset her.

"Jess, what have you done?" Liam slowly murmurs.

I look at him, fire raging in my eyes. "Doesn't matter what I did. Matters what I'll do," I reply.

"Is this some kind of plan?" Piper asks with a very little voice. "I … You can't really mean all those horrible things that you said."

Elven makes her shut up in a second—gently. "She meant every single word, right, Jessyka?" I notice how he called me, and how he tried to be as cold as ice. But it's just too fake for me to even buy it.

"Yeah, I did. I despise your mother. I hate her for what she did."

"That doesn't mean that you should hate us," Piper tries to reason with me.

"Don't waste your time," I tell her. "It's too late; I'm hopeless." There is a little sadness in my voice, but I know that no one has probably noticed because they don't want to. And it doesn't matter. I didn't come here seeking for anyone's forgiveness. I came here looking for revenge, _no matter what, _and that's what I will get. I don't want to play the Capitol's little games any longer. But that decision isn't going to change anything. I am ready to bet that no tribute here wants to be the Capitol's toy. But we all are. Because it's _their _Games. They can manipulate us into doing anything they want us to. And that's the thing. If they have decided that I shall get my revenge, I will. If they have decided otherwise, I won't. And that's what makes me worry. I think that it's only fair if Elven and Piper are killed. Rykeir and I should have the right to accomplish our destiny. We should have the right to achieve our personal goal. For all I'm concerned, I know that I will never be able to move on until this is done. The thing now, is that the Capitol isn't the only obstacle to my goal. I am, too. Because I don't know if I'll be able to move on once Elven will be dead. Will I be haunted by the circumstances of his death? Will I be eaten alive by the regrets?

_Turn off the humanity switch. _That's what I need to do, indeed. But I can't find the switch as easily as before. What if I never find it back? What will I be, if I give up on what I thought I was meant to be my entire life? I would turn out to be _nothing. _I don't want to be no one. I don't want to be nothing. If I give up, if I let Elven and Piper live, I have no purpose in life anymore. I'll be through with life, and that would be it. I wouldn't even leave the damn world peaceful, knowing that my enemy will be gloating once she'll see me dead. It's just all so surreal. I shouldn't even think of giving up. I can't give up on the one thing that's been keeping me alive for the past seventeen years. I can't put out the burning fire that's been raging inside of me for the past seventeen years. I can't put this all behind me. Because if I did, I'd be no one. I'd be nothing. I'd be dust and ashes.

There is no way out of this. No way out of the Careers. If I try anything against them, they'll kill me. And I don't want to die without having let go. And I can't—don't want to—attack them either. I can't do anything harmful to Rykeir. I have no right to take away his revenge, not knowing what it's like to know that something's standing between you and your fate. I refuse to be that something for Rykeir.

There is the Capitol's last challenge. If I kill Elven and Piper myself, I'll have avenged my father, but maybe I won't be able to live with myself—I still don't know what the effects to the love potion are when one is dead. But if I don't do anything, Rykeir will do it for me. Maybe he'll even kill me. So, what do I choose? Saving Elven, risking my own life and get over my father's death? Or join my forces with Rykeir and kill Katniss's children, risking to lose myself?

Deep down, I already know the answer. I _can't _get over my father's death.

* * *

_I promise you that everything is going to end ... one day. It's almost the end, I can almost see it myself. I don't think that there will be more than 30 chapters big total to this story. I hope to keep going for a moment still. Thanks to all of you. And don't worry, this isn't like a goodbye. I just figured that you should know that I don't intend on ... making Jessyka hesitate forever. She'll make her decision. Soon. I promise. _

_Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, and I hope that you had a lovely Christmas. And that you will have a wonderful year. _

_HungerGamesLoverr: Hello, there. I feel like I've already thanked you enough, but I will another time. I think that my life wouldn't have been the same without you. Thanks for ... enlighten it every time you got a chance to. _

_Absolutly Adorkable: Thank you a lot! I'm just so glad to see a review from you every time because I remember that you were one of the first to follow and review this story. I will never thank you enough! _

_Margot & Tom: Hi! You guys are lovely. And ... Tom, you should know that I don't mind if you're not good with words, a review is still a review, and it's always such a pleasure to read one from you, and I am soooo glad to hear that you love this story. I feel very honored. Margot, I'm sorry if this wasn't the romantic passion you were looking for. I think that you might get some soon, but I won't promise anything. But I'm sooooo happy that you like it still! And don't worry about your English. At least, you tried, and ... seriously, I got everything you meant! Thank you so much for reviewing! _

_Julia: Hey you! I do owe you; you are right. And I hope that you liked that chapter! And don't worry. I know how enthusiasm you are. Happy new year to you too, love! Thanks for reviewing. Hope you liked that chapter! _

_inlovewithpeeta: Hey! Happy New Year to you too! I hope that I updated before you got back to school ... if not, well, I am truly sorry. Hope you liked that chapter, still! _

_I'll be waiting for feedback from you, guys! _


	20. Chapter 19

**I am sorry I have been keeping you waiting for so long! I was gone for like a week, but ... I'll try to make it up to you! :)**

* * *

After what I'd say was an hour, Rykeir comes back. I still haven't said a word, even if Liam has tried to make me talk. I haven't given up on my goal, but I feel like I have given in, and I don't like that feeling.

Rykeir's holding a knife in the palm of his left hand. He's lost the sparkle of life that was into his eyes when he opened up about Cato. And I know that he's taken this hour to get his shit together, and to turn off the humanity switch. That's what I should have done, too. That's what I tried to do.

"What are you doing with this knife?" Elven shouts. "Don't even think of using it against her. You'll be the one who's going to be sorry."

If I thought my humanity switch was turned off, it fails. No matter how mad he seems to be at me, Elven still is willing to try to defend me—until some point, I am pretty sure.

"I'm not planning on using it against her, you moron," Rykeir snaps. "It's for the cage." He brandishes the knife as if it were some kind of trophy.

"I don't think it's going to work," I tell Rykeir.

"It's a gift from the sponsors," he says. "So, I think it's going to work because I have plenty of knives with me. I don't need another one."

I just shrug and watch him as he's trying to cut the pieces that made the trap a cage. I notice that Rykeir is forcing really hard with the knife, but it doesn't seem to be working. It's not like I really thought it would. But, surprisingly, after two minutes, I finally realize that it's working! It really does cut the wood—or whatever material was used.

I hear Rykeir's laugh of victory. "See," he says, "I told you."

"I wasn't doubting you," I say. "I was doubting the knife."

He smiles a little and finishes the job until I can crack the whole thing up on my own. I think it took about one hour, but being able to walk freely is the best gift I have ever been given for a very long time. I walk to Rykeir and thank him by putting a hand on his arm. We're not about to get emotional or anything else.

He nods. "You're welcome."

"What about us?" Liam asks.

I frown and turn to Rykeir, raising one eyebrow, wondering what he thinks of all this. He looks at me and shakes his head. "I know he's your brother, but I think that he's not willing to be on our side."

I agree. "He's never going to be on our side," I say.

"I can't promise that he'll be safe, but I think he's better in there than out there," Rykeir tells me. "I … I know what it's like, and I know he's your brother. I'm not promising you anything, though."

"Don't worry," I say. "It was clear from the beginning." I look around and ask, "Where's Lilith?"

"She'll be back soon," he says. "It took me awhile to convince her. I suggest you don't try anything that could put any doubt in Lilith's mind. She'll kill if she believes that you allegiance has changed side."

I nod to say that I have understood his words. I'm not completely with them, yet. I'm still on probation. They'll see if I was playing them or not. I'd like to know that, too. I don't even know what are my intentions. What did I want to do? I don't even know. I don't even know if I'll try to kill Elven and Piper, or if I'll try to kill Lilith and Rykeir. It just seems unfair if I do to both sides. The more I think of it, the less I can see a way out. It's just so … There's no way out. I knew from the beginning that there was none for me, but there has to be one for either Elven, Liam, Piper, Rykeir or Lilith. And I know that I'll play a part in it, but I still don't know on which side, and I can't bring myself to choose.

That's when Lilith comes back. "Oh, the knife worked." I nod my head, and then she throws something at me that I catch—pure reflex. "Good catch."

I don't even thank her and look down to see what she got me. Fish. I let out a dry laugh and smile a little.

"Just in case you're hungry," she says.

"I didn't know you could fish," I say.

She shrugs. "There's a lot that you don't know about me."

I think about her words but know that she doesn't mean that she's related in any way to mine and Rykeir's personal vendetta. Maybe she just learned in her District.

I don't even take the time to prepare the fish properly, the way I have been taught back in my District. I'm just starving. I hear Rykeir laughing a little, but I don't even bother looking up. Once I'm done, he hands me some kind of bottle of water, and I'm careful not to down it.

Then, I hear Piper's little voice, whispering into her brother's ear that she's hungry and thirsty.

"I know. I know," Elven sighs. There's nothing that he can do. But I can.

I look at Rykeir. "Where's the 'river'? I'll go fish for them," I say.

Rykeir raises one eyebrow, but he points one direction and that's where I head.

"You might need this," Lilith shouts. I turn around, and she throws me something that looks like a gig. I catch it, look at it, and nod.

It doesn't take me long to find back my reflexes and to catch a couple of fishes. Everything is just too calm and easy. The desert is nowhere to be seen, and so is the city where I hid with Silver. It's as if we're in a total different arena. I mean … we haven't run that far away, and it feels like we're ten thousand miles away from where we originally were. It's just a little crazy.

I take the fishes, the gig and go back to the place where Rykeir and Lilith are waiting. They look at me, wondering what I intend on doing with the fishes. It's pretty obvious to me.

"Tell me how you'll manage to give them the fishes," Lilith says.

"I'll throw it," I tell her.

"Throw it? It's not going to work."

I shrug. "I'll give it a try." I think that the cages are only some kind of protection. Because when Wilke tried to have me kill, it didn't work. And when we tried to put our hands out of the cages, it didn't work. That's because we were out for blood. And I mean … the fishes are not.

I choose to start by Liam first. He's still my brother, and I feel like I owe him this. He doesn't even look at me, as if he couldn't stand to see my face. It pains me, but I don't say anything.

"Watch out," I murmur.

"I'll manage," he barks.

I smile, a sad smile, and aim. Just like I thought, it worked. Liam looks up for a moment, sees the fish on his knees, and then, he nods. I know that it's the only thing that I'll get from him. A nod, that's it. For him, I've already made my decision and chosen my side. And I guess that he has every right to treat me the way he wants to. I gave him no reason to be nice with me.

Then, I move to Elven and Piper's cage. I kneel down as I throw them two fishes. Piper almost throws herself on it. She doesn't even bother to see if it's poisoned or anything, she just eats it, just like that, and Elven doesn't have the time to stop her.

I shrug, shaking my head. He keeps his eyes on me, looking right through me, without touching the fish that I brought him. He mouths, "Why are you doing this?"

"So you don't starve," I snap.

He raises one eyebrow. I don't even bother explaining my behavior. I get up and look at Rykeir. Then, without a single warning, it's the night. It's just so dark in here that it's almost impossible to see. Lucky me, Rykeir and Lilith had already lit up a fire. I come sit next to them as they're watching me, suspicious.

"You should try to get some sleep," I tell them. "I think you'll need it. It's been way too calm in here. I think that it's going to end tomorrow."

Rykeir nods his head, and he closes his eyes. He's already lied down on the ground. Lilith curls up next to him, but he doesn't even touch her. He doesn't even look at her. So I'm assuming that she's just trying to be comforted by someone, and that he doesn't give a shit. I look at them for I don't know how many hours. Until the fire goes dead. I think maybe the Capitol has decided to give us one last night because it's still warm. I can hear Rykeir and Lilith sleeping, as well as Piper—she stopped whining. I guess that Liam is fast asleep too, and I don't know for Elven.

But I can't sleep. I still don't know what should be done. I get up to walk around. It'll help me think, and get my shit together, and just … Just stop worrying about everything else. I have this feeling that it's going to be the end tomorrow. And it's scary. My head is just so … full of thought, and my heart is just like screaming. I don't know what to do. I'm just so lost. I just wish that my father was here. He'd know what to do, and he'd tell me. And I'd listen to him because … because he'd know what's best for all of us. But he's not here anymore. He's not here, and I'm left alone in the dark with those thoughts that I don't want.

As I am walking beside Elven's cage, I hear a noise. I startle and look down. Nothing. Although I can still feel someone watching me, I keep on walking. I really don't think that this is what the Capitol wants. I really don't believe that they'll have me kill like that. In the dark, and from behind. That would ruin all the show.

"Jessy," I hear Elven whisper.

I stop and turn my head. "Elven?"

"We need to talk."

"We can't talk," I replicate, kneeling down to be closer to his ear. We really don't need anyone overhearing us, and we don't even know if everyone's asleep or not. Does he even realize how risky this is? If I get caught talking to him, Rykeir will not hesitate one single second, and he'll kill me. Lilith would do the same, I am pretty sure. So what can be so important that he's willing to put us both in danger?

"Come with me," he says. And I hear him walking beside me. When I feel his hand on my arm, I almost jump and scream, but he quickly puts his hand over my mouth. "Shh," he says. "It's just me."

I turn around, and it's really him. He's … not in the cage anymore? "What? Where's the … How did you..."

He grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him as he starts to walk away from all of this. "I don't know," he murmurs. "I just woke up, and I was out of it."

"Where's Piper?"

"Still in there, fast asleep."

"Something's weird."

"I know," he says.

"They all fell asleep so fast," I notice. "Maybe …"

"Maybe the Capitol wants to give us a moment, yeah. I thought of that, too."

We were … I don't even knew where, but one thing's sure: we were far enough from Rykeir, Lilith, Piper and Liam. They wouldn't hear us. They wouldn't overhear what we had to say, what Elven had to tell me.

Feeling his hand in mine, his palm against mine, it just … it was right. It feels right. I realize that … I have been truly dying for this one touch, and that my entire mind is about to go away. All I can think about is his hand in mine, and about how bad I actually want him, one last time.

Elven suddenly stops, turns around and brutally presses his lips against mine as he pulls my entire body closer to him. "They're right," he whispers. "It was killing me."

"It's killing me," I say.

He kisses me again, but I push him away. We can't do this. I need to think straight. He can't touch me. This can't happen again. I don't want to … _But you do. _I don't want to follow Katniss's path. I don't want to be like her. Why can't I just grab something, a weapon, anything, and drive it through Elven's heart? We are alone. And his guard is down. He'll never see it coming.

Elven looks up at me, stars shining in his eyes. He takes my hand, entwines our fingers, sits down, and I sit on his lap. He holds me close, kissing my shoulder, whispering things to my ear, things that I wished I never hear.

"Stop it," I murmur slowly. "Elven, stop it."

But he doesn't listen. "This might be our last moment together. One last time?"

"For the audience?" I tell him, knowing exactly what he'll think of. That's what Peeta told Katniss when they came back home, I believe. I'm not quite sure.

But Elven shakes his head no. "Not for them. For us," he says.

And right now, right then … That's the moment where I caved in. That's the moment where I gave in, where I just let go of everything that was holding me back. That's the moment where I whispered in Elven's ear that I wanted to be with him so badly, that I wished we could be together—like together—and that I was sorry for everything.

He murmured back in my ear everything that I wanted to hear all along. And we shared one last night of true love, of true passion, of burning fire.

Afterward, he just kissed my shoulders, my arms, my neck, my face. I couldn't even think. I didn't want to; I don't want to. I feel different. I feel … peaceful for once. It feels as if with his love, Elven has succeed in extinguished a little the fire. I don't feel as bitter. I just … I just want all of this to be over. I wish that this, this night, could be my last memory. If he killed me, right here, right there, I realize that I wouldn't be tormented; I would be happy.

Is this what happiness feels like? Like you want to just … freeze the time, and stay there forever? I wish that I never have to leave Elven's side. I just want to stay in his arms. Always. But I think—I know—that this isn't going to change anything.

"I wish time could stop," Elven whispers in my ear. "I wish we could stay like this forever and not have to worry about anything."

"I know." I sigh. "I know."

He turns to look at me, his eyes locking into mine. I will always remember him like that. Not when we argued, not when we met, but how I feel right now, and how he feels, too. We feel the same way. It's like … everything else just vanished. His will to protect his sister and my will to kill them both are gone. There's just us, surrounded by an aura of … what I assume is happiness.

"What are we going to do?" he asks.

I let out a sigh. I don't know. "I don't want to think about it," I say. Not today, not now, not ever. But I have to. We have to.

"We don't have much time left," Elven reminds me. He stays quiet for a minute, letting me enjoy one last moment of quietness, of his presence by my side, before going on, "but I think we should come up with a plan." He eyes me, like he's never done before, as to truly try to catch the essence of my soul, to read what's in it, how I truly feel about everything. "Did you … Are you really teaming up with the Careers?"

There is something in his voice I wish I didn't hear. Pain. Sadness. Betrayal.

I look at him, and everything that he feels in his goddamn eyes, and it just overcomes my entire body as a huge wave, a wave that's meant to take away all my anger and bitterness, and that will leave me peaceful. And, truly, I am. I feel … right. I know that this thing going on with Elven is wrong, but it feels right. It's not … exhausting. Hating them is.

Maybe it's finally time to let go of my past. I could—can—be someone new for the next couple of days. I think that if we're lucky, we might have two days left, but I wouldn't go over that.

About Lilith … I couldn't care less. She's nothing to me. She has nothing to do with this. She's dead anyway. She's always been. And I think she will put up quite a good fight, but it shouldn't be too hard to win her over. I mean, to kill her.

About Rykeir … I can't say the same. I feel like the worst person in the world to take away what he's been living for his whole life. And he doesn't have someone like Elven for him to hold on to. He doesn't know how to let go, and neither do I.

I realize it now. I may not know how to let go, but I sure as hell want to. I think it's time. I think … I think that's what my father would want me to do. That's what he'd want for me. I think it's what my mother wants me to do as well. She's had to live with Finnick's death for seventeen years—actually eighteen—too. And I never, not even once, heard her blame anyone—but maybe herself. She told me once that no one was responsible for Finnick's death. She said that she knew that Katniss—and everyone who was there—did their best to try to save him. I could almost hear her tell me to let go, to forgive, to just deal with it, and to make the best out of it. Just like she's been trying to do for the last eighteen years. I'm all that she has left. What will she do once I'll be done? She'll have no one, no one to take care of her, no one to look after her. She'll be alone. How could I even do this to her? How can I even think of doing this to her? How can I be so selfish? Not by letting her alone, but by leaving her alive to overthink everything that I became in the Games. That's not what I want her to remember. She deserves better.

I look away from Elven. I can't handle his look, how I see the accusations, the hurt, and the love in his eyes. It's just killing me. It's been killing me since the beginning, since that day we both went mad.

"I don't know," I tell him honestly. "I don't know, Elven. It's just … I always needed to blame someone. I always thought that someone was responsible for my father's death, and I still think your mother had something to do with it." I can almost hear him protest. "But," I interrupt him, "I think that I can't get even with her. I can't … I don't … I don't know how to express that. It wouldn't be the right way to do it." I sigh. "Look, my whole life I hated you and your sister for having both your parents." I had never really thought of that before, but as I say the words aloud, I realize that it is the bloody truth. "And I kept the hate alive, and I even fed it with my own bitterness. I'm not going to apologize for despising your mother. I believe that she hates me, too." Before Elven has the time to protest, I kiss his lips to make him shut up. If he doesn't let me speak up, if he doesn't listen to me right now, he will never know what I wanted him to find out all along. It's now or never. Now or never that he'll know everything, that I'll answer to all his questions, that we will figure something out. Now or never. It's crazy how all the future can depend on one single event. And this is it. This is the one event that could—and that will—change _everything. _

* * *

_**Arielle A. Dorkable**: Wow, thank you for the review, and I hope you liked that chapter! _

_**CloveandtheMockingjay**: Thank you! It's always such a pleasure to see that you have reviewed!_

_**HungerGamesLoverr**: I thought of you when I read that chapter again because you said that you were starting to dislike Jessyka, and ... I don't know, maybe you'll ... reconsider after this :) But I do understand your point of view. I didn't mean for things to be easy for her. It shouldn't be easy for her to let go. I didn't want that for her, it would've been the easy way out and that's not what I wanted. And indeed, I hate cliché, but ... I think that I do anyway. She's losing her humanity ... that's interesting. I quite like that hahahaha. Thanks again for the review, you know how happy I am every time. _

_**Absolutly Adorkable**: Haha, thank you for the review! Yeah, that's what I wanted to do; showing another side to the Careers, like ... they're not just cold blood murderers, you know. Hope you enjoyed that chapter! I might be mistaken, but I think that the "Arielle A. Dorkable" is you, too? Well, if so, you got 2 shout-outs :) _

_**Margot**: Hi! It's always just SO nice when I see that you have reviewed! And I think you're right about Jessyka. She just needs to realize it herself. Thank you for the lovely review! And I hope that you liked that chapter!_

_**Tom**: Hi, buddy! I'm glad you're taking your own time to ... either write that review, or translate it, but ... really, thank you! :) And actually ... I don't see what's wrong with your English. Hope that you liked that one! _

_Thank you all for reading, and reviewing, it just means so much to me. I hope that you will have a very good day! _


	21. Chapter 20

**Hi ! Please, don't hate me ! :)**

* * *

I get up, my eyes flashing with anger. I glance at Elven, and it's like I can't even see him; I feel blinded by disappointment. "_You _asked for explanations. _You _wanted to know the bloody truth. And I did tell you! I told you everything! I gave you everything! _Everything! _And you said that you wouldn't get pissed! And yet, here we are." I try to walk away, but I come back. I need to get to the point and tell him everything that I have to say before leaving. "You say that you care for me, but yet, you'd let me die if you have to. You're just like your mother." And I make sure to talk as loud as I can, as to express how pissed off I am, and how hurtful the words I just said are meant to be. I could wake someone up, and I really couldn't care less. Let them wake up, and see what's going on. They'll be the one ending up feeling sorry

I see Elven's eyes flashing with the same anger, and he gets up, too. "You don't know a thing about her. Stop insulting her. I never said anything about your father!"

"Because there is nothing to tell!" I yell. "He's as perfect as he could have been, considering the circumstances."

I slowly walk away. Well, it's meant to be slow, but it's like I'm a storm, and I'm just like walking like crazy back to where Rykeir is. He's where I should stand right now. I should be standing by his side, and not … trying to be happy—what's it good for anyway?—with Elven because this is clearly not—never—going to work. It'll only get us both killed—which already is the case. So you think it couldn't get any worse … but it did.

"Perfect? Yeah, fucking other women, you mean," Elven snaps behind me.

I don't even turn around. If I do, I don't know what I would do to him. Instead, I try to breath, to calm myself down, but … it's like he's crossed a goddamn line. "He's been _forced _to do it! And you know it. He did it to keep the ones he loved safe. He did it for _us. _Not for him."

"You do realize that maybe they're taking it out on you." He means the Capitol. Maybe they're taking it it out on me. If so, they can bring it on. I'm ready. I've always been, but now I do feel stronger than ever.

"Shut up," I groan.

Before he can say something, I hear someone walking near us. I immediately stop, and so does Elven. We don't say a single word. That's when I see Lilith's face. She looks still half asleep. "Could you make more noise?" she barks, sarcastically.

I look at her. "Did we wake someone else up?" I wonder.

She shakes her head no. "I don't think so." Then she notices Elven, like really sees him. "How..." She won't even get to finish that sentence. Without even hesitating, Elven has taken the tree branch that we spent the last hour cutting and sharpening, and he's driven it through Lilith's heart. She didn't even have time to scream and alert Rykeir that it's over for her. But the gong has. It did the job for her.

"Damn it," I swear. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Go!" Elven says. "Go! Pretend that you were asleep. When Rykeir will wake up, he'll just see me. I'll tell him that I killed Lilith. He'll believe me because that's what he wants."

"No," I protest. "He's a Career! You're dead if he comes anywhere near you. I'm not letting you."

Elven leans down on me to kiss me, and I hate the way it makes me feel. Like he's telling me goodbye. Like he's given up, like he's caving in.

"Go, Jessy. Please, go. I'll handle Rykeir." But he and I both know that it's just a silly lie.

I moan, my head cocked on the side, looking at him like I could make him stay just by one glance. But he turns his head to look away, to avoid my eyes. "Please," he says.

I shake my head. "Please," I beg.

He comes to me and shakes me violently by the shoulders. "Leave right now or I'll make you. This isn't a game anymore. Hurry the fuck up before he realizes that you weren't asleep when Lilith was killed. Hurry!" He doesn't even know that every single bone in my body is screaming not to leave him alone. But I know that's what we agreed on. I just never thought it would hurt so much. I never thought that I _couldn't _let go, that I couldn't leave him.

"I'll see you later," he promises as he backs off, looking at me as to dare me not to leave.

I sigh, shake my head, look at him one last time and give in. I turn around and run like crazy. I go back to where I was supposed to be all along. I want to just slide on the ground and lay there to pretend that I was sleeping, but Rykeir is already there, waiting for me. He looks so mad, so upset, so betrayed that I'm taken aback. He's holding a sword in his hand, and I know that he's not going to have second thoughts before using it against me.

That's why I need to react. Quick. "Rykeir! I tried to stop him, but damn it. He had a weapon, and I had none. He killed her! The little bastard! I tried to run for him, and figured that I wasn't much of a help if I couldn't even kill him!" I see how Rykeir studies me, as to see if I'm lying or not. I look down, and notice a little knife. I grab it and put it in the air. "Let's go kill the kid," I snap. Since he hasn't moved, I turn around, "I can do it myself if you're too scared. I thought you wanted them dead."

"I thought _you _wanted them dead. You could've just chocked him. And that's what you would've done if you _truly _wanted him dead."

I quit the acting. He's right. If I really wanted to kill Elven, I'd be chasing him down, and I would have strangled him if that's what needed to be done.

"I knew that this love thing was bad news," he says. "It's taken away everything you've worked for your entire life. Do you realize that you're about to give up on that? You will never have a second chance! You'll never have this opportunity again. You take it now, or you're dead." I don't even know why he's willing to have me by his side again. Lilith would never have let something like that happen. She said Rykeir didn't give second chances, and yet, that's what he's doing. But I think it has to do with Lilith's death. Without her, he's not going to make it out alive. He's alone to face four of us. Even if he's as strong as Cato, there is no way in heaven he will make it through.

So he's looking for an ally, for someone to keep him alive until he can get rid of her or him. He'll never team up with anyone else than me. It wouldn't make any sense if he did. Liam, at the very least, could be an option to consider, but I believe that Rykeir won't do this. He needs someone like me. He needs _me. _But I can't help him. I … I would be lying if I said that I was over my father's death. But trying to get even by hurting Elven and Piper isn't right. And I don't know since when I care about what's right and what's wrong, but it occurs me that I do. I think that my father would want me to let go, and not be bitter my entire life, or at least, the few hours that I have left. And I think that if he were alive, he could be proud of me. And my mother. I hope that she's not totally discouraged by me. I hope that she still finds it in her to be proud of me, to keep … I don't know, the faith.

So am I about to throw it all away? Am I about to just give in to the easy way? Because hating Elven and Piper was the easy way. It is. I chose the easy path by wanting to get revenge. Forgiving is so much harder, and maybe it's too late, but I wish to give it a try.

Earlier, I totally did open up to Elven. And he broke down all my walls, one by one, and he won me over. He already had my heart, but now he has my mind, too. I want to stay faithful to what we've decided before trapping Lilith to kill her. But I'm afraid now. I feel like a monster for trying to ruin it for Rykeir. I don't want him to be gone being this hateful. I feel like there is something that I should be able to do, that I should do. I feel that by killing him, I would not give him the time to try to get over it. And therefore, he wouldn't go in peace. I feel like a total monster for taking that away from him. There are only two ways out that I see for him. Revenge or death. But both are so harmful to everyone else, including him even if he might not totally be aware of that. How can I even see things clear like that right now? It's so insane! Like, I never saw things that way before. I just figured that it was what I wanted. I was selfish. But I can't change in just a few hours, like I wish I could.

Rykeir needs my answer now. He needs it now, he has to hear it at this moment or he will cut my head off, and I won't be much help to anyone once I'll be dead.

I look up at him and see everything I wished I didn't in his eyes. There is no doubt about his mission in his mind. The only doubt is about what I'll say, about where I stand. He's really turned off the humanity switch. Maybe that's why they're Careers. Maybe that's why I could never be like them. They do feel, but they know how to just shove the feelings aside and forget about them. That's the only thing I needed to be just like them.

"Speak up now," he says.

I don't even know if Piper or Liam are awake: I don't hear a single sound. I think they are: the gong must have woken them up. But if they are, they're so silent. I could never believe Piper had it in her to be so quiet.

"I'm sorry I let love get in the way," I tell him, and I am being totally honest. It was a distraction that I really didn't need. Rykeir didn't grow up in the same spirit I did. He probably wasn't the only one to feed his resentment. So it's probably so much stronger than my hate ever was. I think … It really pains me to think this, but I believe that there is no hope for him. He's doomed. It's over. "And I'm sorry you can't let go."

"Is that your answer?" he asks quietly.

Panic flashes in my eyes. I see the way his sword has been sharpened, and I realize that it won't hurt if he's decided to be nice with me.

"I'm afraid not," I say. Then I see confusing going through his eyes. "Let's hunt him down." I don't even wait for his answer before turning around and just rushing into the forest. I'm running so fast that I can barely see where I'm going, but that's what I need to do. No matter what.

I count the steps, approximately, in my head, and I try to stick to whatever bullshit of plan Elven and I came up with. I only realize now that it was a really bad idea, indeed.

I think I can hear Rykeir behind me, but I'm not sure, and I don't want to turn around to make sure that he is, too afraid that I will either see him behind me, _trusting _me, or that I'll see him chasing me, his sword brandished like the dangerous weapon it is. I don't know how far behind he is, so when I round a corner—made by a tree that Elven noticed earlier—I almost jump down in a little hole to hide. A few seconds afterward, I see Rykeir coming, running, determination written all over his face. But he stops immediately when he sees what Elven has prepared for him. Even I didn't think it would be that bloody. Elven's chopped Lilith's head before her body was taken away, and he put it up in a tree, as a trophy, to scoff at Rykeir.

He lets out a growl of frustration and he yells, "Jessyka, where are you?"

I come from behind. "Right there."

And Elven comes in front of him, holding a … _No fucking way! _A trident. _My _trident. My mother. She kept her word. She's still thinking of me, back home. She still believes in me. And that makes me feel like no one could ever hurt me, that I will handle everything the right way. "Right here." His voice echoes to mine, and I see the way everything seems to be going too fast for Rykeir. His face is totally confused, but I see the murderous glance he shoots to the both of us.

But then, what I see on his face isn't what I was expecting. It's not fear, not even surprise, just like he already knew what we were both up to. It's … satisfaction? arrogance? Something that is similar to this, but no. He's definitely not surprised about my sudden changing sides, and Elven's sudden appearance out of the cage. Just like he knew everything. Just like we didn't catch him off his guard. Just like _he's _the one who's been playing and messing with us from the very beginning.

"It's too bad you tried to trap me," Rykeir says. "Maybe you should have made sure your brother and your sister"—he turns to Elven with an evil smile—"were safe before doing this. But I'm afraid it's too late, now."

Liam. No. Not him. I tried to … No. The same emotions go through Elven's face as he seems to realize the same thing that I did: he hasn't seen his sibling. Panic floods into my entire body as I think that this is totally insane. They were fine! They were … No, I think, you didn't hear them. Damn it! They should've been fine. What … Shit. Rykeir had the knife that could break the traps. So … It means that he could have done this. He had all the time in the world to do God knows what! Besides, he was already up when I showed up, and his guard was already up, like he just _fucking _knew what I was up to! Just like he was telling me that _he _was the one playing me. His second chance was a joke! It was just so that my guard went down so he could play me even more easily! Damn it. I got played like a loser, like a beginner. Damn it. Damn it!

"Bastard!" Elven screams before rushing toward Rykeir. But he was expecting it. And he welcomed Elven with the most evil smile I have ever seen. And I watched the entire scene, standing still, frozen to death by this, unable to move, not even a finger to help any of them. I cannot move. I … I'd want to, but it feels like I can't actually realize that this is really happening, that Elven and Rykeir are really fighting for their lives, that this is it. It's right now that Rykeir will—or will not—get his revenge. It's now that everything's just … going to either blow up in our faces or just destroy everything else! My mind's just racing, and it's ironic because I can't move a single muscle.

I feel like screaming, like … doing something. Elven's trying to manipulate the trident, but he's not as good as I could be. And Rykeir's quite the expert with his sword. But Elven seems to be keeping up with Rykeir's level, but he's not animated by rage, by fury, by the need of getting revenge. This could lead anyone to their own loss, but it could also make them do the greatest thing. Elven has no change against Rykeir. He'll only distract him for a couple of minutes, more if he's very good, but that's it. I don't see why Rykeir would lose. That's why I need to do something. Anything. _Just fucking do something, _I yell at myself, but I still don't seem to be able to do anything with my goddamn body. I have never felt this pissed off at myself than right now. It's just totally insane.

I suddenly hear someone screaming, and I think that I recognize Piper's little girl voice, but then the gong is heard as soon as the shriek stops, and when I turn back, panicking, to see the fight, to try to get Elven out of there alive so we can find our siblings and try to save them if it's not fucking too late, what I see right here, right there, just chills me to the bone. The gong wasn't for Piper nor Liam.

* * *

_I know I already said it ... but please, don't hate me! _

**_HungerGamesLoverr : _**_Hi, sweetie! Thank you for the lovely review ... and I'm so glad that you like Jessyka again. Yes, I kind of wanted her to grow into that, to not just like change her mind out of the blue like that. I hope that you liked that chapter, and that you don't feel like murdering me right now for the end. Thank you for being such a good friend, and such a good reader! _

_**Tom: **I'm sorry, buddy, but Bibi's review was posted like ... ten seconds before yours. And thank you for reviewing, I hope you liked that one!  
_

_**Margot: **Hahaha, you're sweet, too. I hope you liked that chapter!  
_

_**Absolutly Adorkable**: Thank you so much for the review, it means a lot. Hope you liked it! xx_

_**Julia: **Wow, it feels like I haven't heard from you in forever! And just so you know, I went to Mexico for like six days, in a resort, and it was ... nice, I guess. I'm not really the beach type of girl, but I still enjoyed it, thanks for asking. Aww, thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm so happy that you like it. And ... I have like a month of vacation, but now I'm back to school for another four months.  
_

_**CloveandtheMockingjay**: Oh, hahaha it's so great to hear that you think that my story's fantastic. I hope you still think that way after reading this chapter! _

_**inlovewithpeeta: **Wow, thanks a LOT for the review, it was just sooooooo sweet of you. Oh my gosh, you have no idea how big the smile on my face is when I read your review, like ... damn it, you're the best. And it actually did make me smile because I just finished that novel (in French) that I have been working on for like three years, so yeah ... Just felt like sharing this with you. Who knows, maybe one day I will get published. That'd be awesome. I know that Rykeir (Cato's brother) is like ... a bit weird for wanting revenge and everything, but I mean ... they all turn a little mad in the Games, so who knows? And besides, we don't know what his mother's been telling him, what everyone has. (I don't know either, but I'm just assuming that he's not only doing this for him). I don't mind long reviews, I love them! And I hope you don't mind this long text that I just wrote you. Yeah, I noticed the familiar review at the beginning of yours, but I understand why you would want a review like that; it was like ... one of the best. If you ever think of writing something, let me know. I'll gladly look it up!  
_

_Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, favoriting, following this story, it means SO much to me. xx_


	22. Chapter 21

**First of all, I wanna start by apologizing for the length of this chapter. I know that it is shorter than what I got you guys used to, and I'm very sorry for that ... I just ... I don't know. I'll try to make it up to you next chapter! **

**Also, I kind of feel ... insecure about that chapter, and I hope that I will not disappoint you.**

* * *

This _cannot _be happening, I keep telling myself. There has to be some other explanation. Like the Capitol has pushed the button even though no one died. But I know that it isn't true. Deep down, I just know that someone died, and I'm afraid it might be the one that I wanted to stay alive because it was wrong to think like that. And at the same time, I'm afraid that the survivor might be the one I wanted dead because it was also wrong to think that way.

Rykeir's body's on Elven's. And there is blood. So much blood. Too much blood. None of them is moving. I feel like I can suddenly move, and the whole information is just rushing through my entire body as I'm wondering _who _won the deadly fight. This isn't happening, I keep thinking, I keep _hoping, _as I make it to the boys' bodies. The gong has been heard. So one of them is dead because I can still hear Piper—I'm almost sure that it's her—whining, and I have this feeling—although I might be mistaken—that Liam is safe. They have to be safe because the Capitol wouldn't want be to rush trying to save them if someone's still alive under that sea of blood.

It's like I can't even think. I can't think of anything else than, Please, let Elven be all right.

As I get closer, I notice Rykeir's sword. Judging by the amount of blood on it, it's what killed whoever died. No. This is a goddamn nightmare. It has to be. No. Everything … It was supposed to be all right! What did I do? I killed him! All of this is my own fault. I never should have dragged him along with my crazy ideas. I never even should have crossed his path. If I had stick to the plan, if I had done what I had to do, I wouldn't feel like this right now. I wouldn't feel like my entire world is about to collapse. Not because I'm about to die, not because I will die, not because I got Reaped, but because _he _might be dead.

That's not what I wanted to do! I didn't want to kill him. No. Things shouldn't have … I shake my head as I try to take one step closer, but it's just too hard. I don't want to find out who died. But it's only a matter of time before the Capitol shows the entire world in the sky who did pass away unless they're just enjoying seeing me like this, and they'll just wait for me to find out myself. That sounds a lot like them. I take a deep breath, knowing that the faster I do it, the faster it'll be over.

All I have to do to touch them is to kneel down. I do. I have never felt so taken aback before. I feel like I'm about to see something that I would never be ready to. All I can hear is the sound of my own heart beating as if I had just been running a marathon.

And then, as I'm down on my knees, trying to find out who has died, a hand suddenly grabs mine. I let out a little scream of panic, getting up in a hurry, and I stay still, dumfounded as I realize who has made it … but barely. Rykeir's sword has killed one of them, but Elven's—well my—trident is about to kill the other one.

"Jessy," he whispers with difficulty. I now see the way he winces, and how the smallest movement seems to be hurting him like hell. I kneel down again, taking his hand between mine, angry at myself for the previous reaction that I had. Of course he's not going to hurt me.

"It's okay," I murmur. "It's okay. I'm right here."

He doesn't ask me if he'll die; I think that he knows, and I don't mention that fact. His face is already all white, as if all the blood in his body is being drained … which is probably the case. I try to push Rykeir's body away, but I realize that by doing so, it only hurts Elven more, so I stop.

Then, I look up. "Can't you do anything?" I yell, talking to the sponsors. "You haven't given me a lot. All I'm asking for is something to heal him. Please. I'm begging you." But I know that it's not going to work. The District 4 sponsors aren't interested in saving another tribute. And they have lost all interest in me a long time ago. "If you can't, maybe District Twelve can," I say. They should be the ones trying to save him. I shouldn't.

But nothing happens. And it should only be a matter of seconds, but too many have gone by already. It is too late. No one is going to save him … maybe because they have already realized that he cannot be saved. I don't realize that I am crying until Elven painfully sheds the tears away.

"Don't … cry." He coughs, and there is blood coming out of his mouth. He only has minutes left, if I'm lucky and I am wasting them, crying and … just not doing the right thing as usual. I don't even know what to do or what I'm supposed to say. Is he waiting for forgiveness? Is he waiting for me to tell him that … I have cared about him? What is he expecting from me? I don't want him to … I don't want him to leave. I don't want him to leave _me. _But I don't want to tell him that, I don't want him to acknowledge how much he actually did change me. But maybe that's what he needs, maybe that's what he's waiting for. But I cannot. I've never said it to anyone. And I won't say it to him.

"I … I'm sorry," I say, and judging by the look in his eyes, I know that he's understood that I am not only apologizing for not saving him, for not keeping him safe. He knows that I'm apologizing for everything else.

"D-Don't be," he manages to say. I see how hard he tries to look at me, but it's like he can't even focus on anything. I know how hard he's fighting right now, fighting against Death who's so close to him, who's already maybe holding him in his arms. I already lost him.

I lean down on him and kiss his lips even though they're covered with blood. I'm not even sure he had the strength to kiss back the way he wanted to. Then, I try to get lost in his eyes, to remember everything that he made me feel because I have the feeling that I will lose it when he'll be gone, that everything that I have grown into learning with him won't matter anymore, that it won't change anything else. It's done. It's over. I will never be able to be who I was with him if he's not there to keep me company, to keep me in what seems to be the right path now. If he dies, if he leaves me alone here, I am doomed—not that I wasn't before, but it will be worse. What did the paper say, already? That we couldn't make it without each other. Does that mean that I have to … give my life for him? I don't even know why I'm thinking of this. It seems useless to do so because there would be no hesitation if I had a decision like that to make, and I really have no idea where that feeling comes from because somehow, I feel like it's wrong to believe that.

"I …" Elven tries to say.

"Shhh," I whisper. "Don't try to talk. It'll kill you." But it's not the right thing to say, obviously. He's dead anyway.

But he doesn't listen to me, and he keeps trying. "I … I … I do … I do ..." And he doesn't have to say anything else even though I know that there are more words to his sentence, but he cannot finish it. I know exactly what he's trying to say, but he cannot manage to say it all. Maybe our motives are different, but it is the same. We can't say it. "D-d-do you … ?"

I nod quickly, never taking my eyes off him. "Yeah, I do."

I see the way he tries to smile, the way it really does hurt him to do so, but he doesn't give up. I lean down on him, kissing his lips another time. They're still warm, but barely. I kiss his cheek, softly, and I run a hand through his hair. I feel like if he had the strength to, he would cry, but I only see the tears in his eyes, but none of them are streaming down his face. Maybe he's holding them back for me. Maybe. Then, I hear him trying to whisper something in my ear.

"P... Piper," he murmurs. "M-make sure … sh-she's all right."

And as he says the words, I feel this huge wave of anger flooding into my entire body. Piper. Is that really all that he can think about? He might feel something for me, but it will never be as strong. He would never save me if he had to make a decision while I thought that I could give up on my life for him, to save him. He wouldn't do the same for me. And maybe it's disappointment, but something does break my heart. I can almost hear it cracking in my chest, and all I want to do is just push Elven away, run and never come back, never think of him again, just be over with all this shit, and be done.

"P-Promise me," he says.

I look at him, fire raging in my eyes as I stay silent. But in his eyes, I see that he doesn't really need to hear me say anything aloud. He doesn't truly want me to say anything because if I promise him, he knows that it means that I won't make it. And if I say that I won't promise anything, it means that she will die, that maybe I will kill her. And I feel like he doesn't want to hear any of those answers. He wants to hear a third one, but I don't know what that is. And even if I did have an idea, I wouldn't say it out loud. I couldn't even manage it out. And I don't want to bullshit him. Not now.

"I … I b-believe … in you." He's still looking at me, but I feel like his attention is slowly drawn to something else, that he can't focus on anything else than … maybe the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I should be screaming, that I should be begging him to say, promising him everything he wants to hear, but I don't do anything. I gave him everything that I could, and he's taken everything from me, seeing through my lies and through my acting. I can't let him know that I'm not being true to him right now, at this precise moment. But the fact that … he does believe in me … what does that even mean? It's like he's ripping my heart now that he's broken it. I don't want to be told what to do; I don't want him to pressure me into doing something, but … with that, he might just have. I realize now that despite the fact that I can't express how he changed me and what I would do for him, I might be willing to actually do it. But it doesn't feel right, so I don't know if it's coming from me or from him or from the potion we drank not even a week ago.

I don't look away from his face. I want to be the last thing that he sees. And I need to see him go. I don't know why, but I just do. Even if I wanted to get up right now, I couldn't. It's like my entire body is frozen beside his, unable to move, unable to act on its own. There's nothing that I can do to change what will happen for Elven. And I need to be a witness of that. And that's why I stay, on my knees, next to him, holding his hand, caressing his hair and never taking my eyes off him.

And then, I hear the gong, and I know that it is over. Everything that we ever talked about, everything that we ever felt together, everything is gone. It's over.

* * *

**I hope that you don't hate me ... !**

**_HungerGamesLoverr: _I didn't want either of them to die either ... And I couldn't make up my mind so ... that kind of explains why I did what I did. Hahaha, I hope the update was soon enough for you. I can't believe that it's almost over. Thank you for reviewing and hearing me complain about everything. _xx_**

**_Margot: _Thank you for reviewing! And I sure hope that I did a good job doing a cliffhanger! That was the whole point! **

**_Tom: _Hey, you should know that you don't make that much mistakes! and thank you for the review, I sure hope that you weren't disappointed when you read who actually died.  
**

**_Absolutly Adorkable: _I hope that you don't feel like murdering me right now. Thank you for the review, and I loved yours! xx  
**

**_CloveandtheMockingjay: _Awww, thank you SOO much for your review! It was really nice of you to say so! And the end is closer than we all think, I believe. Thank you again! And I hope that chapter didn't make you want to stop reading.**

**_Julia: _Hey, buddy! Wow, I'm kind of happy that you like Jessyka, even though she's kind of not ... meant to be loved because obviously, she doesn't even know how to. And yeah, exactly my thoughts when I created that character! Thanks for the review. It's always just such a pleasure to see that you've read, reviewed and liked the chapter!  
**

**_inlovewithpeeta: _You can review anytime, hahahahaha. I'm just glad that you do! Yes, I will try to have it published and who knows, maybe someone will translate it if it's good enough. Rykeir was kind of an ... let's just say that I hadn't planned for him to be there, but I had to make someone to whom Jessyka would relate. She couldn't just ... go the easy way or just drop her revenge-y idea. (I'm not saying that she dropped it, by the way, and I'm not saying that she didn't drop it)! Haha, I kind of like to reply to people who have reviewed because it is true; every single review and reader is important to me, and I want to ... I don't know, maybe try to have some sort of contact with them, just to let you all know that this story would be nothing without all the feedback that you give me, and all the ... "love" that I feel towards this fanfiction. It's really appreciated, you have no idea. Your first fanfiction doesn't have to be epic, you know. Just ... just say what you think should've been said, what you would have wanted them to do and I'm sure that it will be very good. But keep me posted. And about the fanfiction that I recommanded earlier, I won't beta her story. I know you're a Peeta fan, and total respect from me, but I am not and that's why I don't actually want to write about him or about Katniss. Wow, that was a long answer to your review but ... yeah, I hope that you liked the chapter!  
**

**You have actually no idea how anxious I am at this moment, wondering if I'm making a mistake with this chapter, if I should have done it differently or ... wow, it's killing me, too. I cannot wait to hear what you guys thought! **


	23. Chapter 22

**I know last chapter was ... big, but wait to see this one. I really hope that you will like it! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it! xx  
**

* * *

As soon as the gong is heard, I let go of Elven's hand. I take one good look at him, at how … peaceful he seems to be, and I close my eyes for a second. I need to hurry now before the bodies are taken away. I need to take back what's mine. I need my trident back. I need to get this entire thing done. I am so done. I want to be through with all this shit. I need to be. I have to.

I don't care that I will probably rip someone's body. I just grab the trident, and I start pulling towards me like never before. Eventually, it comes out. It's all bloody. I barely have the time to take a step back that their bodies are taken away from me. I look at them until I can't see them anymore. In a few hours, it'll be my turn.

Piper's shriek is heard once again, and I start headed toward that direction. She's with Liam; there's no possible doubt about this in my mind. Rykeir wouldn't have separated them. I don't know why; I just have the feeling that he didn't.

The path until there is easy. And if it's easy, it only means that things will get even tougher later. They're keeping the good part of the show for the end. It's a pity that I'm part of it. I never should have lasted this long.

And I finally see them. Rykeir has been a goddamn genius on this one. He was ahead of me … long ahead. So he just knew that I would not be able to stick to the plan I had in mind when I came into the Games. He knew that I would fail him, and this is my punishment. This is his revenge. Payback's a bitch.

"Jess!" Liam shouts when he sees me.

I don't exactly know how Rykeir has managed to do this, but it's … brilliant. Liam's tied up to Piper with a rope around her neck and around his hips. The rope rounds a tree and they both are tied up to another tree which basically means that they cannot escape. There's a weapon, I think it's the one I used for fishing, pointing at Liam's heart. From far away, I thought that they couldn't move, but they do move. There is something—I don't know what—that forces Piper to take some step forward, and I haven't noticed how hard she's fighting against it until I'm very close to them. It's because every step she takes, the weapon moves closer to Liam's chest. It means that … if she's too close to him, he's going to die.

I have no time to think about what to do. All I need to do is cut her head off. I think that Liam has read my mind because he stops me when I raise the trident up in the air—still dripping—he shakes his head no. "Don't kill her," he says.

"Why shouldn't I?" I feel like the whole rage is back, but it's not the same kind of anger. I am not angry with her. I'm upset with the goddamn world. "I kill her, and it's over. You win. You go home. Isn't it what you want?"

Liam stays silent, but I know that he disagrees and agrees at the same time.

"Please," Piper moans. "Please."

I turn to face her. "I don't remember asking you a question. So, shut up. No one's asked for your opinion. If it's needed, you will know."

I turn back to Liam. He's wincing, and that's when I notice that the weapon has touched his skin and is slowly—but surely—starting to enter his flesh. If I don't do something, it will be too late. There is no time to think or to even listen to Piper. I won't listen to her again. I won't.

"Liam," I say. "Please. Let me help you."

"You think you're helping me by becoming a monster?" he snaps. "You think that I want to be saved by you? Hell, I'd rather die than watch you act like a Career." His words hit me harder than a slap in the face.

I bite my lips, and I cock my head to the side, and by doing that, I cross Piper's eyes. I haven't quite noticed before, but she's been crying. I think that when she heard the gong, she might have suspected that her brother had passed away, but there was still hope in her that the gong was for Rykeir—or for me. But when she's heard another one … the hope started to fade away. And when she finally did see me coming to them, she knew that her brother had died. She knew that there was no hope for her anymore of being an happy family again—not that there was any kind of hope before. But she never got to say good-bye to him. He never told her that he'd always love her, that he'd always be with her even if he's not physically around. That's what I thought the scene would have looked like if I had seen it. But she'll never get it. She'll never get to tell him good-bye. She will never have one last moment with him … because I stole that from her.

And then, the truth his me full speed. Everything that I have tried so hard to deny is now right in front of me, and I cannot pretend that I haven't seen it, because I do. It's the only thing that I'm able to look at right now. I am such a selfish bitch. Piper's mother might have taken away my dad, but _I _took away her brother. I am responsible for his death, and there is no one else to blame than me. And I did lead him straight to his death. All of this is because of _me. _While … Piper hasn't technically done anything. She's just collateral damage. She's just collateral damage to my father's death and to her brother's. And I'm no more collateral damage. Maybe I have never been such thing. Maybe everything that I always thought was true was just something that I had made up in my mind. Maybe none of what I believe in is true. Maybe it's just a bunch of lies that I have told myself, trying to keep me sane, trying to be the hero I thought my father would have wanted me to be, that I thought everyone expected me to become. I am no hero. I'm the villain. I am the bad guy who hasn't even realized it until now, until it's too late, until there is no coming back. I will never be able to take back what I did to her. I broke her forever. What if she turns out to be just like me? What if her heart darkens even more than my own? What if she becomes the monster that Liam sees in me? How could I have gone this low? How could I have become exactly what I swore to destroy? I have become Katniss. I have become the same than her. I did all the mistake in the world that I could do, and I let someone else pay the price for them. And I refused to see it, but now that I did … I couldn't deny it anymore. I couldn't tell Liam to go fuck himself because he was right! All along. He was right. And so was Elven. They were all right. Rykeir and I were wrong. It wasn't about revenge. It was about forgiveness. I have been blinded by all my emotions, by everything that I believed I had to feel, so badly that I had trouble seeing things clearly now. It's like there was some kind of veil in front of my eyes, preventing me from seeing things the way everyone did. It was because I had some kind of point of view on the whole thing, but still. It felt like I could see everything so clearly, some kind of brightness that I had never seen before.

Killing Elven was wrong. Only _wanting _to kill him was. Damn, I am such a selfish little brat. I only thought of me, of myself, of … of my goddamn feelings, which I am not even sure of anymore. I'm not sure of anything. Everything seems to be wrong, and nothing seems to be right. I don't believe in anything anymore. I don't even think that I have the right to take a decision like this now. I don't … I don't have the right to take away someone else's life. Who am I to decide something like this? I'm no one, and certainly not God, if he even exists. So I'm not the one who should decide whether or not Piper has to live. But if I don't do anything, Liam will die. And … maybe this is selfish of me, _again, _but he's my family, in a way. He's the brother that I never knew I had, the one I always wanted. If only I had known that he existed before all of this, maybe I wouldn't have ended up like that. But that's a lot of ifs, and there's no way for me to know how I would have turned to be if I had spent more time with him.

And it's ending right now. If they both die, I win. But I didn't want to win. I still don't. I can't go back to my District and face them all after everything that I did. I cannot go home. It's not even home anymore, just the place where I grew old and up. It has no other meaning for me, although it should since my own mother lives back there. But she's better off without me. She's better off without the huge disappointment that I am to her, to everyone back in District Four. And again, this is selfish of me. Because I'd be willing not to go back home because I cannot face them, I couldn't shake the shame, and everything that will fall on my shoulders if I ever win. My mother needs someone, but that someone isn't me. She needs someone who will be able to take care of herself. I can't deal with her. I can't be there for her when she needs me. I can't be that person for her. And I feel bad about thinking like that, but there is no other way. I don't see any other option. If I go back to her, I would have won the Games, but I would have lost myself. I have already lost myself anyway. I did, long ago, so long ago that I don't even remember what it feels like to be me, the real me, the one that I was meant to be. But none of this matters now, right? None of this matters because that's not what everyone will remember. They'll just remember that I had this crazy idea of vendetta, but that I was too much of a coward to accomplish it, that I fell for the boy I wanted to kill, and that now, I can't even make a decision, that I'd rather have the Capitol decide for me than choosing a side right now. But I will have gladly picked one if Liam hadn't said anything. But he has, and it just changed everything. I don't want him to see me like a monster. I didn't mean to be a monster. I just … I don't even know what I wanted, not anymore. So, I guess that this is it.

I turn my head, looking at Piper. I am tired, and I must look exhausted. I have given up on life. I have given up on seeing my mother again, on being peaceful again. I have caved in. Winning means losing. Either way, I'm going to lose. I'd rather completely lose. And that's what I'll do. I think I owe this to my District; I owe this to Liam, too, and to Piper, perhaps.

"Do you know what your brother told me before he died?"

She shakes her head no. Of course she doesn't. "He asked me to make sure that you were all right. He asked me to save _you_." I pause, gazing at her, but her face doesn't change a bit. She was already crying. "And you know what that means, right? It means that he asked me to die for you." That's just my own interpretation, but deep down, I know that's what he asked of me. That's what he wanted me to do. To die for his sister. I understand why, but I don't know why he'd do such thing. It's a miracle she made it so far. By asking me to save his sister, he's also asked me to deal with my own brother. I'm not sure that he realized everything that it implied, but if he did … I'd rather not think of this.

"He made me promise," I continue. "Well, he asked me to promise that I would do everything I could to keep you safe. But I didn't say anything." Piper's head shoots straight up, and I see in her eyes that she's scared. She's so damn afraid of me, of what I will do. I still haven't let go of the trident although it's not pointing at anyone right now. She knows that it could only be a matter of seconds before I make up my mind. "And his last words were, 'I believe in you,' " I state. If he really did believe in me, he wouldn't have asked me this. "He only said that to have some sort of hold over me." I realize now that my voice is full of bitterness, but it has nothing to do with everything that I was before. It's another kind of bitterness, and I still can't understand what kind, and why.

Piper opens her mouth to speak, and I see how brave she tries to look, but I just know that she's so afraid right now; I can see her lower lip shaking. "And do you … intend to keep that promise?" There. She wants to know if she'll die. She wants to know if she's doomed. She's always been. Hasn't she gotten it already? Hasn't she understood that we are _all _doomed? Hasn't she understood that things will never ever be the same?

"I never promised anything," I say. And there is no threat in my voice. My tone doesn't betray me by giving away what I am planning to do because truly, I don't even know myself. But I guess that these words have been misinterpreted.

I don't even have time to take my eyes off Piper that I hear Liam moaning in pain. The first thing that I know is that my trident is being taken away from me. I don't even have the time to realize what is happening before I feel something sinking in my body. I try to look down, but my knees aren't keeping me up anymore, and I fall to the ground. That's when I understand. I have been stabbed … by my own weapon, by my trident, by the only thing related to my father that I had left. I could have gotten up, and try to fight, but I don't. If my father's weapon is going to be the death of me, it's like he's telling me—wherever he is—that it has to stop, that I have done enough damages. And I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face as I finally realize who has done this to me.

The last thing that I see is Liam's face, wincing in pain, the weapon almost piercing his own heart, mouthing, "I'm so sorry, sister."

* * *

_**Absolutly Adorkable:** _**Wow, thank you for the beautiful review. And I think I meant that I liked your review! I don't know how I did dare to kill Elven ... but I did. I hope you're not disappointed with that chapter! Believe me, killing him wasn't easy ! **

**_CloveandtheMockingjay_: Hi! Thanks for the review, and hopefully you'll keep reading until the end! Thank you for being such a loyal reader and reviewer! **

_**inlovewithpeeta:**_**I surely don't want to kill you by making you wait, but I had myself a hard time trying to figure out what would happen next, but I think I got it. And you shall see :) And thank you for the cheer-up review. I think I needed that! **

_**Julia:**_**Aww, thank you, mate! If you're sad that the end is very near, I am even sadder. There are a lot of heartbreaking decisions to make! Thanks so much for the support, and I hope you liked that chapter as well! **

**Okay, so ... don't worry, this isn't the end. Not yet. There's still a story to tell. xxxx**


	24. Chapter 23

**You haven't seen the end of Jessyka's story yet! Soon, you will, but not quite yet. She still has something to say!**

* * *

Death is peaceful, quiet, actually enjoyable. I feel … free. I feel like I don't need to hide anymore, that I don't have to pretend. It's like I am surrounded by an ocean of calmness, of truth. I don't have the courage to open up my eyes, and I let the water carry me away, to an unknown place, to a place where I won't have to be who I once was.

"Hey," someone says beside me. I would have recognized this voice anywhere. My head shoots straight up as I meet his gaze.

He comes next to me, and I feel like crying—and I am—as I fall into his arms. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight, as to never let me go. But he won. I'll never go anywhere.

"I was waiting for you," he tells me. "I was afraid that you'll never show."

I only smile at him because I don't want to go back to that time. I don't want to tell him that if I hadn't showed up, his sister would have.

He takes my hand, forcing me to get up on my legs. As I do, I notice that I am not wearing my Games clothes anymore. I'm wearing the dress that I was wearing when I was Reaped. It reminds me of my mother, and I shake my head, refusing to cry because of all of this. I see that it's the same for Elven. I think he's dressed in his Reaping clothes, too. I can't be sure, but it looks like it.

"Come with me." He starts walking toward a door, and I follow him. I'd follow him until the end of the world if he only asked me to.

When he opens up the door, what I see behind it just chills me to the bone. I immediately recognize my mother. She's crying, and another woman is sobbing beside her. When she looks up, I realize that it's Johanna.

"Mom!" I say.

Elven presses the palm of my hand with his. "She can't hear you, Jessy." He stops there, but I feel like there's something else that he wants to say.

"I'm dead, right?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"We're ghosts?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I don't know."

I don't have time to question him anymore because the two women have started to talk.

"I'm sorry, Annie," Johanna says. "When Silver passed away, I wanted your daughter to win."

My mother shakes her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks. And I feel like someone is trying to pull my heart out of my chest. It just breaks me to see her like this. I knew that she would be in pain, I knew that she would cry, but I never thought that … I never thought that my departure would have made her so … alive. Because she seemed sane. Saner than she ever was with me.

"She … She couldn't win," my mom says. But I see in her eyes that she had wanted me to win. And it's not because she didn't believe in me. She did. I know that she did. "That thing … It killed her." And she doesn't have to mention what it is because I know. The Games. They killed me.

"I still can't believe that he killed her," Johanna says. "He was her blood, for chrissake." Then, she looks at Annie who shrugs. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"It's fine." But I know it's not. It's not okay. I would have died for Liam, and he … he murdered me, perfectly acknowledging what he was doing, perfectly aware of what he was doing. I know I should be bitter about it. I should hate him; I should want him dead, but … I don't. I hope that … that he's safe, somehow. But deep down, I have a feeling that by killing me, he just killed himself, too. Although, I can't … be mad at him for doing this. He … I remember. He said that he was sorry, and he called me "sister." What was that even supposed to mean? That he was going to kill me, but was sorry about it, that he wanted to go home, but I would never get to go there again? What kind of apologies was that?

I don't want to answer all of these questions. It's not like it matters. I am already dead. I turn my head to look at Elven. And I'll be with him forever, with no one to stop us from being together, with no one standing in the way of our happiness, because yes, that's what I'm aiming for this time. That's what I know that I will find with him. Happiness. Peace. Love. Forever.

I stand still as I watch my mother crying all the water in her body, and as I see Johanna doing the same, both trying to comfort each other at the same time.

I turn around to walk away, but I change my mind. Instead, I take one step closer to her, and I try to put my hand on my mother's shoulder. But it doesn't work. It's like … It's like she's not truly there—or I'm not. My hand just goes through her without me touching anything. But I know that I am real: I can touch Elven.

"Don't bother," he says sadly. "I already tried. They can't see us, they can't hear us, and we can't touch them or try to interact with them."

I give up, backing off. "I love you, too, Mom," I whisper before turning away, walking out. I can't stand the thought of staying in that room any longer. It's the home that I'll never get to call like that anymore. It's the place in which I grew up. It's … my worst nightmares, and my best memories. It's a place that I would want to forget, but that I cannot get it out of my mind.

Elven catches up with me, as I am walking somewhere—I don't know where. He entwines our fingers without saying anything. All of a sudden, I turn to him, and I just fall into his arms, sobbing, too. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I cry in his shoulder.

He gently caresses my hair, waiting for me to stop crying, I suppose. I am not truly apologizing to him, and he's understood that. I'm apologizing to her, to my mother, for causing her so much pain, for not thinking of her when I was in the Games, for not … believing that she'd need me, for being selfish, for not being who I wanted to be for her.

Elven rubs my back and whispers in my ear, "Will you come with me? There is someone I'd like you to meet."

He doesn't want for my answer, kissing my tears away, and taking my hand so that I'll follow him. I do. I don't even resist. But I don't really care. All I want to do right now is curl up in a corner somewhere, and just … I don't know what I'd want to do, but I most likely don't want to meet someone.

When Elven opens up a door, I notice that we're not in District 4 anymore. But we haven't truly walked that far. I question him with a look, but he only shrugs, keeping everything such a mystery.

What I see in the room shocks me. Elven's parents. They're seated around a table. She's crying, and he's rubbing her back, trying to comfort her, but hearing the way she sobs, it's like nothing will ever make her smile again.

"It's not fair," she keeps saying to him. "It's not fair!" She goes to sadness to anger, to sadness again, and back to anger.

Elven closes the door behind me, and he sits on the ground, inviting me to do the same. I do, and I lie down, my head on his knees, as he's playing with my hair. I wish I could close my eyes, but I don't. I am in the same room than Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. How can I stay still? How can I not want to kill them both? I have them right in front of my eyes, but not a single bone in my body is telling me to rush to them to bleed them out.

"How could she?" Katniss cries. "How could she do this to him, Peeta?" And I have this feeling that she's talking about me, about what I did to her son.

"She didn't kill him, Katniss," Peeta says quietly. "She was just trying to help."

"She didn't help at all! She's right," Katniss says. "I hate her. I do hate her. I didn't think that I could because she's Finnick's daughter, but I do hate her! I didn't do anything to her father! You know he died before I could even think of doing something."

And I feel a very old rage waking up inside of me. I immediately tense up, and Elven notices it. His fingers slide down on my cheek, and I look up at him. "There's nothing that you can do," he murmurs.

"I know, I know," Peeta repeats. "But she doesn't know that." He pauses for a while. "Katniss, she didn't kill our son. Rykeir did."

But she shakes her head. She needs to blame someone, and … I am willing to take the entire blame for this. "If she hadn't had this whole idea of revenge, he might still be alive."

"You know the rules, sweetheart," Peeta slowly whispers. "Twenty-three deaths, and one survivor. Both our children couldn't have made it home alive." I hear how painful it is for him to actually acknowledge that fact out loud although I am pretty sure that it's what he's been telling himself all along.

I think it's not the first time that Elven comes here. He doesn't cry; he just have this look of infinite sadness in his eyes. I wish I could just take it all away, but I can't take anymore pain.

"Jessyka." An unknown voice is heard, but the more I think of it … the more familiar it becomes. I get straight up, looking around. And in the room, behind Katniss and Peeta, is standing my father, Finnick Odair.

"Dad," I whisper.

I see the way he smiles, a sad one, a very sad one, like he never believed that someone would ever call him like that one day. I don't know how I should act, but I just run to him and jump in his arms. I hear him chuckling, and he hugs me, too. When he pushes me away a little, I look up at him, wondering what he'll say, wondering if what I am living right now is true or if it's just a silly lie. He's not how I think he would be. Nothing about him seems to be "great." I mean, people used to call him "The Great Finnick Odair." And … I don't see that sparkle of cockiness in him anymore. It's like he's given it all to everyone, and he's just left empty. There's something sad about him. I thought he would shine, that he would just brighten up the entire room, but he doesn't. And … I am not disappointed.

"You don't know how long I've waited for this," he says, "even if I wished it hadn't been until another couple of decades."

I know what he means. I died before I had a chance to live. I died before I could grow up, grow old, and be wiser.

I feel someone's fingers trying to take my hand. I turn around, and I smile at Elven. He slides his arm around my waist, and this only gesture seems just so normal, it's like we were always meant to be together. He smiles at me, too, and he extends his right arm to my father. "It's truly an honor to meet you," he says.

My father lets out a dry laugh before shaking Elven's hand. "Pleasure's mine," he replies. "I've never been there for Jessyka when she grew up, at least, I'll get to ask the most embarrassing questions to her soul mate."

I raise an eyebrow, blinking at the words he chose. Why did he choose these exact words? He could have picked any, but he said "soul mate." Why?

"You'll have forever," Elven states. And I know it's kind of meant to be a joke, but I can hear the cry of sadness in his voice.

My father's lips don't move. He doesn't smile, but I see in his eyes that he wishes he could, but he doesn't even try.

"I tried, Daddy," I say. "I tried to ..." I can't even finish that sentence. I don't know what I wanted to say. What did I try to do? Avenge him? Be like him? I don't know. It sounds stupid, now.

"I know" is his only answer. Somehow, I can't actually realize that I am talking to my father. It's surreal. It's not supposed to happen, is it?

"Mom, I …"

"I know, Jessyka," my father interrupts me. "She will be fine." But behind all the assurance that he's trying to put up, behind all of it, behind his mask, I just _know _that he's not as sure as he'd like me to believe. I can almost hear the pain of his broken heart in his voice, and it pains me. They never should have been on their own. "Annie's a fighter," he says quietly. "She'll handle it her way, and I'll be waiting for her forever."

"That's what I'm afraid of. That she'll handle it her way. She's gotten worse since you …" I don't know what to say. She's gotten worse, yes, but she's always been like that ever since I can recall. Maybe Finnick's death caused all of this, but she was a little before. She could have managed with only one wound to take care of, and also because she had me to hold on to, but now I am gone, and she has two wounds to take care of, and she's got no one else to hold on to. Johanna won't always be there, and I don't think these two are really very close friends. Johanna will just go back in her own District, and my mother will be left all by herself. No one's going to care about her.

"Don't underestimate her," he says simply. "She has to keep living." It's like he's trying to convince himself by saying that, like he doesn't want her to give up, but he's afraid that she might, too. And I feel like there's a part of him, a very selfish one, that wishes that they could be together forever, right now, just like I'll be stuck with Elven. But that doesn't sound like a punishment.

Suddenly, I feel like he's about to break, that he's about to just cry me a river. But he looks away, and he doesn't.

"I'm sorry," I apologize. "I never should have gone out there, seeking revenge. I never realized that it wasn't what you wanted. I thought that ..."

"I know what you thought," my father tells me. "And I think I might have reacted that way, too. I'm not saying you made the right decision, but at least, you learned from your mistakes."

I nod. I did. It feels like I have so much to tell him, but I don't know how to formulate it. And I think he has things to tell me, too, but he just doesn't know how to handle me. There are so many unspoken words between us, but I'm not even sure if they need to be said. Somehow, I kind of know what he wants to tell me, and I think he's guessed what I wanted to tell him, too.

Elven's hand on my waist slowly moves up, and he turns me so that I'll face him. "Don't you want to know who won?" he asks me.

And I'm suddenly taken aback. Do I want to know who won? No. That's my first answer, but I don't say it out loud, and I think again.

All the memories come back rushing to my head. Liam. Piper. The trident. The weapon. I wonder how it happened, what happened, but I kind of don't want to find out.

If Liam has come out alive, it might just break Elven and I's new relationship. But it might be the same if Piper won. And I don't even know who I actually want alive. I don't even know myself. I wish that Liam has made it because he's my blood, because he _killed _me, his own sister, to live. Maybe he deserves to live, somehow, maybe he deserves to be the Victor. He's been helping everyone all along. He refused to let Piper die when I couldn't care less. And he protected her, actually. I think that if he drove that trident through my heart, it's only because he was afraid that I might actually lose it, and that I might kill Piper in the process of losing it. He did it to protect her, although I could never understand why. She wasn't his sister. It wasn't his job to protect her, but he did anyway. Did he want to be her hero? He would have been anyone's hero. He could have been mine. Maybe he was my hero even if I have never asked him to be. Maybe he thought that he had to do this for me. He was being my hero. And I believe that I could never thank him enough, right now, because by killing me, he saved me from myself. He freed me from my demons, from my anger and my bitterness. He didn't kill me. He saved me. That's all he was trying to do. Help me. All along.

* * *

**I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this. I don't know if you like the fact that the story is still told in Jessyka's POV which forced me to talk about what it's like for her after death. I didn't want to write someone else's POV, and I think I made the right decision although you might disagree. I just thought she deserved a life after death ... if that even makes sense.**

_**Sungirl12:**_**Hahaha, I totally understand how you feel! I've felt like that, too, when I found out that she had killed Finnick. I don't really have time to read your story now because I'm really busy with school and everything, but as soon as I get a chance to, I promise that I will. Thank you for reviewing! **

_**DomiHearts1497:**_** Thank you for the review, and I am glad you liked it!  
**

_**HungerGamesLoverr:**_**Awww, thank you for the very lovely review! To your question, the answer is yes, Liam did kill her. I think Jessyka clearly mentions it in that chapter, and as for how, I don't think she explains it, so you shall know in the next chapter! And you will know soon enough how things ended! **

**_Absolutly Adorkable_: Thank you so much! I always enjoy reading your reviews so much, and that one was no exception. I'm very happy that you still like this fanfiction!**

_**CloveandtheMockingjay: **_**That was pressure on my shoulders to say that the next chapter (this one) would be amazing! I hope I didn't let you down! Thank you for reviewing. I'm always thrilled when you review, since I know that you've been one of my first readers! xx****  
**

**: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I sure hope that I did a good job, and that the end will suit the story. Hopefully, I will ... or I'll surprise you! You shall see! **

**Once again, thank you for reviewing, following or favoriting, and even for reading! It means so much to me. I need to tell you guys that I have actually finished writing _I Can Never Forget, _and that there is only 2 more chapters left, excluding this one that you just read. It does sadden me to put an end to this story, but it can't go on forever either. It's been a journey that I'll never forget and ... I'm not going to get emotional because it's not the very last chapter yet. I'll keep that for later.**

**Thank you all again! xx**


	25. Chapter 24

Elven is still waiting for an answer to his question, whether or not I want to know who has won. How could I say no? And yet, how could I say yes?

"The Games are over, right?" I ask him.

He nods. "They are."

"So you know who won?"

He nods.

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"You need to see if for yourself," my father interrupts.

"Are you coming with us?"

He shakes his head no. "I'll see you soon," he promises before opening a door—the one we came out of after seeing my mother—and vanishing. I know what he'll do. He'll make sure that she's all right. I might be his daughter, but I'll never be his number one priority, and it doesn't really matter. He doesn't need to worry about me right now. No one can hurt me, here. No one will ever hurt me again.

"Come with me," Elven says.

I take his hand, and I let him take me wherever it is that he wants to show me who's won. I find that I don't _really _care anymore about the Games. If I could never know who won, I think things would be better. I would believe that they both made it or something insane like that. I don't really want to have to hope for one or the other to have made it. It's crazy. I don't want to choose between Liam and Piper. If it only were for me, I'd pick Liam. But I am not alone anymore. I am with Elven. And for his own sake, I'd pick Piper. But for both our sake, I cannot choose.

Elven takes me to a small room that I have never been in. He sits down on a chair, and I sit on his lap. I rest my head on his chest, and he wraps his arms around me. "It's going to be okay," he says.

I don't answer, and the screens opens up by itself. I thought that we'd just see who won, but what I see on the screen isn't that. What I see on the screen is how Rykeir managed to have one step ahead of me this entire time. He wasn't asleep like I thought he was when I had gotten up to walk into the woods. He had heard me, and he'd followed me. He had seen me and Elven together. That's when he figured something out. Something to break us, something to take us down, something to be sure that he would get his revenge, no matter if he would not be alive to witness it.

"I never realized how … how similar I was to Rykeir," I say. "That's exactly what I would have done for you and your sister. That's exactly what I wanted to do. But unlike him, I needed to see you both die. I needed to see it with my own eyes." I don't know if I have offended Elven because I feel him stiffen, but he doesn't say anything, as to tell me that I can go on if I have something else to say. "I'm sorry. I hope you know that I really am."

He leans down on me, "Yeah, I know," he whispers. He kisses the top of my head, and I close my eyes for a second before opening them up again. I need to look at the screen and see what happened next.

"No, you don't," I replicate.

I hear him sighing. "Maybe I don't, but you never hurt me. You never hurt her, either." He grabs my chin so that I look up, into his eyes. "You're a good person, babe. You have nothing to do with Rykeir. You're not like him, all right? Maybe you wanted to kill us"—I shoot him a look—"Okay, you did want to kill us, but it was all just words, no actions."

He leans down on me, and he kisses my lips softly. I kiss back, and I feel him smiling. I look at him, frowning, "Are you … mad that you lost the Games?" I ask.

He looks away. "No, I'm not. I knew that I wouldn't win. My only purpose was to keep my sister safe."

"And did you manage?"

He shrugs. "I should have protected her more. I never should have hesitated when someone threatened her." I can't tell if she's won the Games or not. His tone doesn't give him away. It doesn't even give me a little hint.

I look back at the screen. It's the scene where I tried to convince Rykeir that I was with him. "Why did he do this to me?" I think out loud. "He was trying to make me betray you."

"Did you want to?" Elven asks quietly.

I don't really have to think of an answer because it's been in the back of my mind a lot lately. "I honestly don't know. He offered me what I thought I always wanted on a silver plate. And even though I thought I had given up on that, it was hard to say no. But I stick to the plan because … because I didn't want to see you get hurt, because you counted on me, because I couldn't do this to you."

"When I saw you coming with his knife, I seriously thought you had changed your mind," Elven admits, and I don't feel hurt by his words. It's what I would have thought, too. It's something that I could have done if he hadn't won me over the way he did.

"But I hadn't."

"I know. I shouldn't have doubted you."

"You had all the right in the world to," I say. "I wouldn't have trusted me if I had been you. I wasn't worth it."

"Well, I'm glad that you're not me," Elven says, half-smiling.

I smile at him, and we both look back at the screen. The scene right now is the one where I am next to Elven, crying a river, wanting him to be alive so hard. But seeing this scene, it's like he's about to die all over again. I turn around, looking away from the screen, and I try to hide, using Elven's chest. He notices it, and his grip around me tightens. "It's okay, baby," he murmurs. "Dying is one of the best thing that happened to me in the Games, besides you. It caused us to be together forever."

I'm still crying, sobbing. My eyes must be all red, and I don't find the strength to open my mouth to say something back. I wouldn't have managed to finish a sentence anyway.

Then, after Elven dies on the screen, I see how my face is suddenly drained from all the emotions. It's like I didn't allow myself to feel anything else. I can see me—although it feels like it's someone else—brutally taking the trident, not caring for a second if the bodies are ripped apart. Without seconds thought, I see how I ran towards Piper and Liam. This scene, it was one that I didn't really want to see again. I lived it, and I don't really want to do it again.

"I can't believe that he killed you," Elven says.

"He didn't kill me," I replicate. "He saved me from myself. He gave me back my freedom."

Elven gives me a look and shakes his head as to say that he gives up trying to understand me. "But still, he was your brother." Elven seems to be very upset. I look into his eyes, trying to calm him down.

"Hey, hey," I whisper. "It's okay. If he hadn't killed me, maybe I would have killed him, and her. And maybe I would have won, but if I had, we wouldn't be together right now. I am not angry with him for doing that. I always knew that I wouldn't win. I never thought I'd make it this far, though. Your sister would never have had the courage to kill me, and I would have probably done something worse before she could even move. It was the only option that he had. I'm not … I don't think you can understand, but it doesn't matter, okay? It's done, and we can't change the past. We can only accept it, and learn to live with it." It's actually crazy how much grown up I feel. _We can't change the past. We can only accept it and learn to live with it. _Did I really say that? For the entire Games, for my entire life, this isn't what I have been doing. I didn't accept my past, and I certainly didn't learn to live with it; I tried to find a way to change it, to get my revenge, to live with it my own way. And now, all of this things that I can say that didn't occur to me before, they feel like the simplest things ever. And it kind of makes me feel dumb for wanting revenge in the first place. I still think that I had my reasons, but they're debatable, and I am able to see that now.

That's when I feel Elven tensing up. "Live with it? Jessy, do you realize that we aren't alive anymore? We're dead!"

"I feel more alive than I ever was before," I tell him.

"That's because you were so obsessed with killing Piper and I that you didn't let yourself enjoy life," he snaps.

I get up, getting off his lap, completely pissed off. That isn't fair. How many times will I have to pay for that mistake of mine? How many times will he bring it back? How many times will he talk about this whenever he thinks that I'm wrong? I won't deny all the pain that I have caused to him and to his sister and to everyone else I have ever known, but this one mistake doesn't define me. It doesn't define who I am now, and this one word doesn't represent the person that I am. It might have represented me some day, and still, I am not even sure that it's true, but it surely doesn't fit right now. Isn't he aware of the fact that I have changed? That _he _changed me? He's the reason why. Without him, I would have gladly taken that remark with a sad smile, but he was there, and he moved me, he changed me, he made me understand things that I didn't even know existed. And now, he dares to rub it in my face, to tell me that everything was because of me. It wasn't. As far as I'm concerned, he was there, too, when we kissed, when we talked, when we were together, when we drank that potion. He was there with me, all along. He has no right to just throw this in my face, knowing how hard I have fought for him, how hard I have tried to beat the odds, how hard I have tried to forget everything I had ever believed in. And all of this for what? Just for him, just to be with him, just to please him. And yet, he's still not happy with my performance. I mean, what else can I do that I haven't done already? I would have done anything for him, but if he never tells me what he truly wants, I will never be able to give him that. I'll never fully satisfied him. Like, ever.

"I thought that this was finally our chance to start over, but I guess that I was wrong," I tell him. "I didn't want to be like the girl you knew. I don't want to be like her any longer. But I guess that you can't forget her, and if you can't forgive me, I don't see how we can share something." I don't even have the strength to look at him. "I think you should go. I'll manage to watch the end on my own."

I only look back at him when the door closes behind him. I thought I would break, but I don't. I sit down on the chair, watching the Games, feeling lonelier than ever. I have no purpose now, nothing to hold on to. If Elven leaves me for good, what will I do, now that I have given up everything for him?

I don't know how Liam managed to kill me. I mean, he was almost dying himself. But, I think I understand how he did it, now. I hadn't noticed that my grip on the trident had loosened while I was talking to Piper. Even if Liam was tied up, his hands weren't. That's how he managed to grab the trident and to drive it through my heart. By seeing the way he's winced, I know that he paid the price for that. I see how I got on my knees, how I looked at him one last time before I fell to the ground and before the gong was heard.

That's it. The moment where I'll know who won. The camera zooms on Liam's face who's just destroyed by the pain and the guilt, maybe. I think he barely has the strength to look up at Piper. She seems in shock, and I can't blame her. She must have thought that he could easily kill her if he didn't mind driving a trident through his own sister's heart.

But he's stronger than I thought because he even manages to speak. "Don't worry," he says. "It'll be all right."

She doesn't say a word. She's just … done. She's done, too. He's done. They're done. There's nothing else left to be said.

"Why?" she slowly whispers.

"You're … you're so young." He coughs but still insists to keep going even though I know that it's a very bad idea. "You … you deserve it." He raises one arm, and he puts it on the weapon that will kill him, that could kill him, depending on what he will decide to do. I think he could manage to take it off his chest, or at least kill Piper with it. And he would have won, and the Capitol would heal him. He can still win.

He looks up at the camera, and that's when I just know what he'll do. I can see it in his eyes. It's like I can see everything he must have been thinking at that precise moment. I feel my entire body tensing up as I watch him make a decision, decision that I believe has already been made. From the moment he decided to kill me, he knew what he'd do. I watch him slowly holding the weapon back, fighting very hard against Piper, and I see her wincing as it sinks a little in her body, too.

He whispers something that I don't quite get because the door behind me just opens up. I figure it must be Elven coming back to, maybe, hopefully, apologize about his behavior, but the voice I hear isn't his.

"Elven told me I'd find you here."

I turn around so quickly that I almost fall off my chair. "Rykeir?"

He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. He's so different than what I recall. He seems neat, peaceful, and … that's not what I thought he'd look like, even after the Games. "Look, I'm not going to stay. Lilith and I want to go somewhere else, explore the lands, maybe." He sighs. "I never thought I'd say this one day, but … I was wrong. You know, I didn't really want to do all of this. Mother and Father, they said that I was a dishonor to the family if I didn't avenge my brother. I just …" He shrugs again, looking away and back to me. "I wanted to make them proud. I wanted to prove them that I could be as good as Cato once was."

"It's history, Rykeir," I say. "Really. None of this matters now."

"I know. I just thought you'd want to know." He looks at me again, as if he's waiting for me to say something, but I don't know what to tell him. "And … just know that I never meant to be the piece of shit that you knew."

"Already forgotten," I tell him with a smile although I can't figure out myself if I'm lying or not.

A sad smile appears on his lips. "That's all I had to say." He looks at the door as to leave, but instead he takes one good look at me. "I hope you'll find what you were looking." And with these words, he leaves.

I stare at the door for a moment, wondering what just happened. Does that mean that everybody who died is here? I believe so. I don't actually know, but it just looks like it. Rykeir said something about exploring the land with Lilith. I let out a dry laugh, realizing that I had been right about them. They could have had something. It's just too bad they only realize it now. At least, they'll have forever to figure it out.

I want to look back at the screen, and as I do, the door is heard once again. This time, it must be Elven.

"Hi," someone says.

I immediately tense up, freezing. My eyes open widely, and I don't have the time to turn around to look at who just came in that I hear the gong. My head turns straight to the screen as I realize who just won the Games, and why it suddenly makes sense that this someone is in the same room than I.

* * *

**In the next chapter, you shall know everything! Next chapter was meant to be the last one, but I couldn't resist, and I wrote a bonus! **

**_JuliaMindedx_: Thank you a LOT! I really did try to do something unusual! **

**_CloveandtheMockingjay_: It does mean a lot to me that you felt Katniss's anger. I tried to make it real, and wasn't so sure. I'm glad if it worked! I don't think I'll have anyone explain Finnick's death to Jessyka. Annie already did explain it to her, I'm guessing, and Jessyka didn't want to hear. But I think she's grown up, and that she understands that she can't put the blame on just one single person. Yeah. And I promise, you will know FOR SURE who won in the next chapter! And I know, haha. Jessyka's been a b*tch! I never wanted her to win in the first place. If one thing had been clear in my mind from the very beginning, it was that she wouldn't be the Victor.  
**

_**HungerGamesLoverr:**_**Why, thank you! :)**

_**Absolutly Adorkable:**_**So glad that you still like/love it! And you'll know in the next chapter who is the Victor!**

**Once again, thanks to everyone who ever read this Fanfic, commented, followed, favorited! **

**Next chapter is Epilogue in which you will finally find out who won the Games! **


	26. Epilogue

**I can't believe that it's over myself. This is a short chapter because it's the Epilogue. I can't even believe what a journey this has been, and I really want to thank you all for reviewing, favoriting, following, or even just for reading it. I never thought that this fanfic would turn out to be so appreciated, and I will miss you all so much. I will miss reading your reviews and knowing that there's something else coming for this story. **

**BUT. It isn't over yet. I think that I, myself, got a little ... nostalgic about it since it's been a few weeks that I wrote that chapter. There is one more chapter left. It's a bonus that I wrote for you. I thought that this epilogue ended the story like ... sort of well, but it didn't say everything. **

**So, one more bonus after this. **

* * *

_It's a beautiful day, _she thinks as she turns around to smile at her lover. It feels like he hasn't changed over the years. Their relationship started as hate. They just despised each other, trying to find a way to ruin the other, until love came across, and ever since that moment, they had been together. They had tried to fight the feeling for a while, but it had been too strong, too consuming, too … real to be ignored.

She has grown up. She is older. Years have gone by, but somehow, things are still the same. He grew old, too. It hasn't changed at all since he has been in the Games.

"Hey, babe," she says. "Want to get the kids for a walk before ..." The words get stuck in her throat. She can't manage to pronounce them. Deep down, she's always hoped that someone would courageously stand up and fight for their beliefs, but no one ever did. Everyone was just too scared. And she is, too.

"They should stay home," he tells her. "It's safer." He sighs. "And I want to enjoy every single moment I can have with them. I don't ..."

He shakes his head, and she wraps her arms around him. She knows how he feels about that day every year. She knows that he despises it, maybe not as much as she does, but they both hate it. It's the worst day of the year, the only one that they would like to sleep through. But they couldn't. What if they had to say good-bye to someone they loved?

The kids were fifteen. They have been lucky so far, but she's afraid that luck won't always be with them. Maybe the odds won't always be in their favor. And she fears that day, so desperately. She can still remember when her own name was called, when she walked up the stairs for the entire District to see, when she fought for her life in the arena, when she thought that she had lost her mind, lost herself, lost everything she ever cared about. She still has nightmares about these days. She still can't fish or even see a weapon, even if it's not meant to hurt humans, without starting to shake, to just panic. And when she does, only her soul mate can calm her down. She knows that her children are aware of that fact. She knows that they've seen her lose it. And she's tried to be strong for them, but there are days when she doesn't even know how she'll manage through the day.

He still remembers it, too. He still remembers when his name was called. It was totally unexpected. The odds had always been in his favor, and it was supposed to be the last year that his name would be in the jar. The odds betrayed him. He still remembers how he had to get up on that stage, next to a girl he knew and cared about. He remembers thinking that if he won, she'd die. He still think of her sometimes. From time to time, he feels her presence around him, as to kiss him goodnight.

But it's worse for his lover. No one can ever totally get over the Games, but he tried to move on. He tried to forget, he tried to be normal again. He knows that she tried, too, but it seemed that she never reached the point where he is. There are days where she wishes that someone else than her had won. There are days where she wishes her brother was still here with her. Days where she wishes that the Games hadn't slip them up.

She cries herself to sleep from time to time. She tries to sob quietly, but someone always hears her. Sometimes it's the kids, sometimes it's her husband. But they're all aware that she's falling apart, that she's breaking into pieces, and that there's nothing that they can do to save her, that there's nothing to do about it, that even she doesn't know what to do to get better.

Everyone thought that talking about her experience would make things better, but today, there's nothing that will make her feel better. Today's Reaping day.

Every Reaping day, she feels like she's gone mad. Maybe she has. She can't tell. It's a nightmare. Every Reaping day, she would have dressed the kids up, make sure they look lovely, and pray to anyone that their names won't be called.

And that's what she'll do today. She'll pray that she won't hear Liam, Jessyka or Elven's name during the Reaping. She prays that her kids will be all right. She named them after people that she knew, and that have saved her life, in a way. They're the reason why she's still here. And she hopes that the real Liam, Jessyka and Elven will look out for her kids, that they will protect them like they did for her.

She looks up at she watches Jessyka running around the house, her dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail, chased by Elven and Liam, and she can't help but wonder how they can be so … happy in a day like this.

She hasn't even noticed that a tear has fallen off her eyes until her husband wipes it off. "It will be okay, Piper. They're looking for them."

By "they," he means Liam Kozak, Jessyka Odair and Elven Mellark.

Elven. Her brother. He died out of love. He died to protect her, and every year she tries to honor that memory by reminding herself of everything they've been through. And Elven appreciates it. Wherever he is, he's watching her, making sure that she'll be all right. He might be powerless to help her, but he's still there, looking out for her.

Liam. A friend. He died for her. That moment, when he was about to give up, when maybe he had already given up, she truly thought that he would decide to kill her instead. But no. He just told her that she deserved it, and that he was sorry before he drove the weapon himself into his own heart.

Jessyka. An enemy. Her brother's lover. They never quite got along. Jessyka wanted revenge, but deep down, Piper knows that wherever she is, she's happy, and she's gotten over her old demons. Piper doesn't know what Jessyka has become, and if she could see it, she'd be so damn surprised. Jessyka herself was. She's always there, looking out for her lover's sister even though she never thought she'd do this some day. Jessyka's there, every Reaping day, every other day, holding Elven's hand, being with him, being there for him. That's what they were meant to be, even if they didn't want to be. They were meant to be together. Forever. And that's what they'll be. Forever together.

"I'm scared," Piper whispers as her lover wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace.

"You'll never forget, will you?" he murmurs.

She looks at him, and at her kids, and to the sky before shaking her head and saying quietly, "I can never forget."

* * *

**I feel like crying because it's over but I won't, don't worry. I'll take the time to thank everyone who has reviewed, like usual. **

**_JuliaMindedx_: I think that your review wasn't complete? Because you said "although Elven doesn't ex.." and nothing else after, so I was sort of confused, but thank you for the review! **

**_CloveandtheMockingjay_: I don't want the story to end either! A really big thank you for reading me, I think that you've been doing that almost ever since the beginning, and I am so grateful. **

**_Absolutly Adorkable_: Haha, don't worry. I wanted the Victor to be announced in the very last chapter, that is why. I hope that you liked it! **

**I really don't feel like letting this story go, so ... I don't know, if you ever have any idea about a scene that I haven't written, you could tell me about it, and maybe I'll write bonus scenes! I think I would like that a lot! **

**I can't wait to hear what you guys thought. Have a lovely evening, xx**


	27. Bonus

**So! This is the bonus chapter. I am really sorry it has taken me so long to update, I was just so busy, and honestly, I didn't want this fanfiction to be over. I think I said it in the previous chapter already, but you guys have been awesome, and I can never thank you enough for all the reviews, follows, favorites I got for this story. It does mean the world to me. **

**I hope this chapter won't disappoint you. I could do more bonus if you really want me to, but I don't know if I will. I think everything's been said. **

**Oh, yes, another thing I wanted to tell you. I am currently editing this story which will be posted on Wattpad. If you want to check it out, that'd be lovely. My username is RainWhisker. **

**Okay, so now I don't know if you guys only like Hunger Games fanfictions, but if you are open-minded to other stuff, if you could check out my wattpad account, that would mean a lot to me. I have written four stories there. _Don't Jump, Echo, The Monster's Humanity _and _I Can Never Forget. _**

**If you do check it out, you are the best fans ever. **

**Okay, so enough about self-advertising, I know how boring it is.**

* * *

"I'm happy for her," I tell Elven. It almost feels as if I were trying to convince myself, too. I see the way he glances at me as to tell me that I do not need to pretend anymore, but I still feel like I need to. I wish that I could be happy for her. I really do, but … somewhere, deep inside, it will never be entirely true. I will never be entirely happy for her. There will always be that part of me that won't wish her any good, but it is fine like that. That part of me doesn't consume me. It's just there, and it's easy to live with it. It doesn't obsess me, and Elven is aware of that fact.

It's been years now. It has been years since I died, since Elven died, since Liam died. I haven't aged at all while I've seen Piper go through her twenties, her thirties, her forties, and now her late seventies. I've seen her children going through many many Reaping. I've seen them get through each one of them, and I have been there to witness them get lucky every single year. They never got Reaped. And I've seen their children, too. I've witnessed Piper becoming a grandmother. I've seen her hoping that they wouldn't get Reaped, either. I've heard her praying. She mentioned my name in almost every of them along as Elven and Liam. She thinks I'm a guardian angel to her children and to their very own kids. I don't think I can ever be such thing. Not for her, actually. Elven might be. I think he is. Maybe Liam is, too, but I'm not an angel. I didn't pray for her children to be saved. I didn't pray for them to be Reaped either. I just stood still, watching the whole scene, keeping my mouth shut because I knew how much it would hurt Elven if I only dared to say one single word. That is maybe the one subject that we keep fighting and arguing about. His sister. And everything about her. We're not even alive, in her world, and she can still make us fight.

"You don't need to lie," Elven quietly says.

I sigh. "I thought I was getting better with time," I try to joke, but Elven doesn't laugh. He just gives me a sad smile before looking away.

It's Reaping day. I don't even know how many of them I witnessed. Too many to count them. It's kind of sad, but I kind of got used to it. I know the speeches by heart. I know exactly what will happen, and when. There are no surprises anymore, and I do miss that.

In today's Reaping, Jessyka's children are eligible. Elven's youngest turned nineteen the year before, so they're safe. Liam, not my brother, but Piper's son, doesn't have child yet. I don't know if he wants to have some, but he's a little old, now.

There is something about Jessyka's children that intrigues me. One girl, two boys. I don't remember how old they are, but it doesn't really matter. In the eldest, I can't help but see Elven in him. He has that spirit, that strength, that … something that just almost makes me want to believe in him.

Elven grabs my fingers, and I turn my head to look at him. "You comin'?" he says.

I nod my head, and I follow him. He makes it a duty to sit by his sister even though she can't even see him, and sometimes people sit on him, or in him. It doesn't physically bother us, but I know it annoys him a little. What's worse, I think, is that he didn't grow up, when she got old. She's really close to finally see her brother again, and I really don't know what I'll do when that day will come. I don't want to spend eternity alone or just haunted by her. It's quite enough with her in Elven's every single thought.

We sit down next to her, and luckily, this time, no one sits on us.

"It's going to be okay," I reassure Elven. He's always acting so weird whenever it's Reaping day. It's like he's the one being Reaped every time. But that's just so wrong! We were Reaped too many years ago to even matter. I'm sure that they all remember us, though, because the Capitol makes it its personal duty to show the whole world of Panem every year what happened to those who tried to overthrow them. They died. Either because they were killed, or they died of sadness. I'm ready to bet that half of the people there would be willing to try to lead a revolution like Katniss once did if they didn't have a family. Then, they'd have nothing to lose. But hurting the children must be the worst collateral damage ever. No one's going to lift a single finger for that. Or at least, that's what I think.

Elven presses the palm of my hand harder, and I look up. Oh, they're done with the speech. I hadn't even noticed. I can feel his entire body stiffening as he's waiting _with _everyone else to know who's the lucky one.

"Ladies first," I mouth.

One name is picked. Everyone's holding their breath, but me. Why should I? I already know what's going to happen.

"Katerina..." I don't even bother paying attention longer to the name being said. Katerina. _I was wondering when you'd be called. _

"No," Elven murmurs beside me. "No." Then, louder, "No!" He gets up, letting go of my hand, as I watch him powerlessly trying to hold the girl back. I let him do so, but it breaks my heart to see him in such pain.

I look up, and that's when I spot her. Katerina. Jessyka's younger daughter. Her cheeks are all red, and I can see that she's this close to tears. But there's something that I see in her eyes. It's determination. She's not going to give in. She won't let anyone see her cry. She's so young. She's barely sixteen, I'd say. Her mother braided her short dark-brown hair. She's wearing a painfully familiar dress. A sea-green dress. My Reaping dress. It fits her perfectly, although I'm pretty sure that she's way too young to wear such clothing. I can almost see her bones when she walks to the stage, the chin up, without showing any fear, although I can hear her heartbeat racing.

I see the way both her older brothers are being held back, to prevent them from being killed if they try something. They're yelling for their baby sister. They don't even care about what they've been told. The emotion is so intense; I can see tears streaming down both their faces, and I can only try to understand how they feel. I don't need to be in their shoes to know that the only thing they'd want to yell would be, "I volunteer!" but they cannot because she's a girl, and no one else is going to stand up for her.

I can see the way Piper can't even get up on her feet because she's just crushed. I look to my left, and I see Jessyka. She doesn't even shed one single tear. It hits me when I see her like that. She's exactly what I think I would have been. I wouldn't have cried. I wouldn't have yelled. I would have stood still, watching the whole scene, and it's what Piper's daughter is doing. But she's close to tears. She's close to just get up on the stage and try to kill them all. I can feel her anger. I can feel her despair, her sadness, her worry, everything. But she's not going to protest. If she did, she would break into tears.

But Katerina manages to go to the stage, without looking back, and she's now standing in front of her entire District. _Oh, how long did the world of Panem waited for you, Katerina? _

She's the one everyone's been waiting for. She'll learn from Katniss' mistakes. She'll learn from my mistakes, from Elven's, from Piper's, from everyone's. She'll be prepared.

She is the real Mockingjay.

* * *

_Okay, hope that chapter didn't disappoint you. _

_Very special thank you to :_

_**ToffeeMuffins**: I was a little confused when I read your penname because you changed it. Don't worry, mate, I really don't want to press the complete button. Thank you for the lovely comment and all the support you showed throughout the whole story. I'm your biggest fan. _

_**Live. Laugh .Read. Write **: (By the way, I'm sorry I had to put spaces because it wouldn't let me put your penname otherwise... weird) Is changing the penname like a trend? Well, that is a lovely one. Thank you for all the reviews I got from you. I think that you've been here from the very beginning or so, and it does mean a lot to me that you kept following and reading this story. Moreover that you liked it! Well, as for Piper's husband, it doesn't really matter who he is. He's another Victor. Would've been funny to put Jason as her husband. (Do you remember Jason? Jessyka and Liam's mentor). But, no, I haven't really thought of it. Awwwwww, I'm gonna be sad that you won't be searching for my story in your favorite list, too. _

_**JuliaMindedx**: I know everyone saw it coming. It wasn't very subtle, but I thought that it was the "right" choice, but I'm a "team Liam," if such thing does exist. Yeah, I understand. Sorry about that. It was to keep the "surprise." I don't want to cry over the ending of this story, but my heart is crying. Hope you liked the bonus chapter! _

_**atlaluver**: OH, HELLO THERE! I'm always sooo happy whenever you review. Been one of the first readers I had, and thank you a lot for that. I'm just so lucky to have you! _

_So, I'm afraid that this is it. I won't write a huge paragraph of goodbyes because I'm just too scared to press the save button and have this story really and truly over. This is sad. _

_Well, this is good-bye, my friends. I hope to see you soon, and to hear from you all soon. You have all been really amazing. _


End file.
